Respect in marriage is mutual, or it doesn’t work at all.
I’m sure you must have heard the ”Respect is reciprocal” quote at least once in your lifetime.
You can’t demand respect from someone you don’t respect.
You can’t treat your wife like she’s beneath you and then complain that she doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.
So yes, we’re going to talk about signs you might be disrespecting your husband.
But we’re also going to acknowledge that if he’s not respecting you, this entire conversation is pointless because respect doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
8 Unmistakable Signs You Are Disrespecting Your Husband
1. You Never Acknowledge What He Does
If your husband is working, providing, helping around the house, being present with the kids, and you never acknowledge any of it because, well, “that’s what he’s supposed to do”, that’s disrespectful.
Yes, it’s his responsibility.
But acknowledgment costs you nothing and means everything.
So, when was the last time you genuinely thanked your husband for something?
Not a distracted “thanks” while you’re scrolling through your phone, but an actual “I appreciate you and what you do for this family”?
I always tell couples that you don’t know the value of what your partner does until they stop doing it.
Don’t lose what you have before you know its value.
2. You Use Intimacy as a Weapon
For many of us women, physical intimacy is psychological and emotional.
When we are mad at you, your touch irritates us.
So I’m not trying to say you should be intimate when you’re genuinely hurt and angry.
That’s not weaponizing; that’s being human.
But withholding affection or sex as punishment when you’re upset is manipulative, and yes, it’s disrespectful.
If your husband does something that hurts you, you talk about it like an adult.
You don’t shut down physically and emotionally to “teach him a lesson” or make him suffer until he figures out what he did wrong.
Nah.
That’s control.
Respect means addressing issues directly, not playing games.
3. You Belittle Him (Especially in Front of Others)
Even as a parent, I’m sensitive enough not to belittle my children either privately or when others are there.
Because I understand that words have power and dignity matters.
Tearing someone down doesn’t teach them anything except that you don’t value them.
If I’m that careful with my children, who are literally still learning and growing, why would I be less careful with my husband… a grown man who deserves even more respect?
Yet some women talk to and about their husbands in ways they would never speak to anyone else they claim to love.
Belittling is making someone feel small, unimportant, inadequate, or foolish.
And when you do this to your husband, whether it’s just the two of you or in front of others, you’re destroying his sense of worth.
“You’re so useless, I have to do everything myself.”
“My friend’s husband makes way more money than you; what’s your excuse?”
“Are you even trying, or is this really the best you can do?”
“I don’t know why I expected anything different from you.”
Some women think this is just being honest, but it’s just cruel.
How are your kids supposed to respect their father when they hear you constantly tearing him down?
How are your friends supposed to see him as capable when you’re always highlighting his inadequacies?
You can’t belittle someone and then get upset when others don’t respect them.
You trained them not to!
4. You Make Major Decisions Without Him
“I’m an independent woman, I don’t need to ask anyone.”
Cool, sis.
Then maybe don’t be married?
Because marriage is literally about building a life with someone, which requires discussing major decisions.
As a hyper-independent woman myself, I have the tendency to make decisions without my husband.
I’m used to handling things on my own, figuring stuff out, making moves without waiting for anyone’s input or approval.
That independence served me well when I was single.
I built my life, made my choices, answered to no one, and oh, I loved it!
But marriage changed that, and I had to learn (and honestly, I’m still learning) that including him in major decisions isn’t about asking permission or needing approval.
It’s about respect and partnership.
When you make big decisions without your husband…
Like buying a car, accepting a job offer, making a major purchase, moving money around, planning something that affects both of your lives, and he finds out after the fact, you’re essentially telling him “your input doesn’t matter to me.”
I get it; sometimes it feels faster and easier to just make the decision yourself.
You know what you want, you’ve thought it through, and you don’t want to deal with potential pushback or having to explain yourself.
But that’s the thing about marriage: it’s not just about you anymore, love.
Your decisions affect him.
His decisions affect you.
That’s what you signed up for when you said “I do.”
This doesn’t mean you need to get approval for every single thing you do.
You don’t need a committee meeting to buy groceries or get your hair done.
We’re talking about major decisions…things that impact your finances, your living situation, your family plans, your career trajectory, decisions that affect both of you.
Those deserve a conversation, not an announcement after the fact.
5. You Control Everything
Marriage isn’t about one person being right all the time while the other person follows orders.
Some women are so controlling that they can’t let their husbands do anything without micromanaging or criticizing.
He loads the dishwasher wrong.
He folds clothes wrong.
He disciplines the kids wrong.
He handles the finances wrong.
Everything he does is wrong because it’s not exactly how you would do it.
That’s exhausting for him and disrespectful because you mean his way of doing things has no value.
6. Everyone Knows Your Business Except Him
Okay, maybe you’re doing this because your husband has burned you in the past.
Maybe you told him something important, and he dismissed it, used it against you in an argument, or broke your trust by sharing it with people who had no business knowing.
So now you’ve learned to keep things from him because experience taught you he’s not safe with your information.
I get that. Truly.
But it doesn’t change the fact that if you’re at the point where your friends and family know more about what’s going on with you than your husband does, your marriage has a serious problem.
Either you’ve shut him out unfairly, or he’s given you valid reasons not to trust him; both scenarios need to be addressed, not just accepted as normal.
Because he has become an outsider in his own marriage.
Yes, you need friends and people you can talk to who aren’t your spouse.
But when your husband is consistently the last to know about things that directly affect him or your marriage, something’s broken, and you gotta fix it.
7. You Dismiss Everything He Says
Every time your husband expresses a concern or raises an issue, you make him feel stupid for doing that.
So eventually, he stops sharing and bottles everything up because what’s the point of bringing things to you if you’re just going to dismiss or mock him?
Respect means listening when your partner speaks, even if you don’t fully understand or agree.
It means validating their feelings even if the situation wouldn’t bother you.
Everyone deserves to be heard in their own relationship, not only you, the woman.
8. You Talk to Him Like He’s Your Child
Tone matters.
What you say is not as important as how you say it.
There’s a difference between “Hey, the trash is overflowing again. Can you please take it out?”
and
“Seriously? Do I have to tell you EVERYTHING? The trash has been sitting there for two days. Can you not SEE it? Or do I need to point out every single thing that needs to be done around here?”
Same request.
Completely different communication.
One treats him like a partner who forgot something.
The other treats him like an incompetent child who can’t function without supervision.
Women who do this often don’t even realize they’re doing it because it’s become their default way of communicating with him.
But your husband notices.
Trust me, he notices.
And it makes him feel small and disrespected.
You might be frustrated, tired, or justifiably annoyed by something he did or didn’t do.
All of that is valid.
But how you express that frustration matters.
Even as the writer of this post, I’m judging myself because I’m guilty of some of these things.
So, writing this has been as much a mirror for me as it hopefully is for you reading it.
Recognizing where you’re falling short is the first step to doing better.
No one is perfect.
We all have moments where we’re disrespectful and just plain wrong in how we treat our spouses.
The question isn’t whether you’ve done these things; it’s what you do when you realize you have.
Do you defend it or blame him for making you act that way?
Or you take accountability, apologize, and work on changing your behavior?
May God help us. 🙏