Look, I’m usually the first person to tell women, “Don’t stay where you’re not respected.”
But when we’re talking about your marriage?
Girl, it gets messy real fast.
You can’t just bounce every time he says something thoughtless or forgets to do something you asked.
But you also can’t ignore patterns that keep showing you he doesn’t really value you.
Some stuff can be fixed with a real conversation and both of you actually trying.
Other stuff? That’s him showing you exactly how he sees you, and it’s not pretty.
If Your Husband Does These 12 Things, He Has No Respect For You
1. He Talks Down to You
Even as a parent, I don’t talk down to my children.
Even when they are wrong and I’m tempted to explode, I still talk to them with dignity.
So, I don’t understand the justification for your husband talking down to you.
Nobody should be making the other person feel dumb or small with their words in a marriage.
If your husband talks to you like you’re less intelligent, less capable, or just beneath him somehow – that’s not a bad day, that’s disrespect.
You know that tone I’m talking about… the one that makes you feel stupid for asking a question or silly for having thoughts about something.
If he’s doing this regularly, he’s basically telling you he doesn’t think much of you.
2. What You Think Doesn’t Matter
If you’ve noticed that your input never actually counts for anything in your marriage, that’s a problem.
A man who always dismisses what you think, makes big decisions without asking you, or acts like your opinions are cute but irrelevant doesn’t respect you.
And I know some women who’ve gotten so used to being ignored that they’ve convinced themselves it’s fine, that maybe their thoughts really don’t matter that much.
But that’s not okay.
Your perspective matters.
What you think about decisions that affect your life is important.
3. He Abuses You
I don’t care what anyone tries to tell you – abuse and respect can never exist in the same space.
Doesn’t matter if it’s emotional, financial, or physical – none of it says “I value you.”
All of it says “I don’t see you as someone who deserves basic human dignity.”
If he’s putting hands on you, controlling your money, or constantly tearing you down with his words, there’s zero respect there.
Period.
4. He Manipulates You
A friend of mine reached out last week, telling me about how her boyfriend keeps frustrating her.
She pays all their bills, yet he dictates how the money should be spent and gets mad whenever she tries to object.
I was silent for a while because I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.
That was an obvious case of manipulation, and I wondered how she couldn’t see it.
And you know what they say about advising someone who is in love.
They never listen.
I simply told her to take a deeper look into her situation and decide if she wanted to continue living her life that way.
Manipulation comes in different forms and dimensions.
It’s not always obvious immediately because the manipulator might be nice and loving, but that’s exactly why it’s called manipulation.
They seem cool until they’re not.
Soon enough, they bring up their tactics, which usually include but aren’t limited to emotional blackmail, silent treatment, and disrespect for your boundaries.
When someone manipulates you, they’re saying they don’t respect your right to make your own choices or think for yourself.
5. He Gaslights You
Lying is bad enough, but gaslighting, where he lies even when you have proof, makes you question your own memory and sanity, that’s a whole different level.
He thinks you’re so easy to fool that he doesn’t even need to make his lies believable.
Like how you’d lie to a kid who doesn’t know any better yet.
If he respected you as someone intelligent and reasonable, he wouldn’t insult you by trying to gaslight you.
6. Your Feelings Are Always Wrong Apparently
I could wake up today and ask my husband, “Would you still love me if I were a worm?”
I’d be sure that he’d give me a sweet response reassuring me of his love, and we’d both laugh it off.
I never have to doubt his respect for my feelings because he makes sure to let me know that my feelings are valid and should be valued, and I do the same for him.
If he always dismissed my feelings or said I was too sensitive or illogical, I would feel demeaned.
What his actions would be telling me is that he doesn’t see me.
7. He Doesn’t Really Listen
There’s hearing someone talk and then there’s actually listening to them.
If he’s scrolling through his phone while you’re speaking, cutting you off mid-sentence, talking over you, or just staring at you blankly, he’s not listening.
And when you tell him something important and he goes and does the complete opposite repeatedly?
Also not listening.
A man who respects you pays attention when you talk and shows through his actions that what you said mattered.
8. He Cheats on You
For me, cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Think about the time, energy, and deliberate choices it takes to cheat on someone.
All that effort to do something he knows will hurt you tells you everything about how much he values you.
And we’re talking about marriage here, not some casual situation.
Like, he made vows to you!
Breaking those vows means he doesn’t respect them or you.
9. You’re Never the Priority
As his wife, you should be at the top of his list.
That’s literally what marriage means.
If he’s constantly putting work, friends, his hobbies, or literally anyone else above you, he’s showing you where you rank in his life.
And if you’re not near the top, he doesn’t respect what he committed to when he married you.
10. He Embarrasses You in Front of People
Private disrespect hurts, but public humiliation is anotehr level of disrespect.
When he insults you, makes fun of you, or acts like you don’t exist when other people are around, he’s deliberately showing everyone that he doesn’t value you.
Having a heated moment in private is one thing; letting the world know he doesn’t respect his own wife is another.
11. He’s Rude to Your People
When my husband and I were still dating, one thing that showed me he was serious was how respectfully he treated my family and friends.
Even when they disagreed with him about stuff, he was still kind and respectful because they mattered to me.
A man who respects you extends that same respect to the people you love.
If he’s rude to your family, dismissive of your friends, or treats people who matter to you like they’re annoying – he doesn’t respect you either.
12. Nothing You Do Is Good Enough
Some criticism in marriage is healthy – we all need feedback to grow.
But constant criticism with zero appreciation is just him tearing you down.
If he never notices what you do right but always finds what you did wrong, he doesn’t see value in you.
All that constant criticism is just him telling you how he really sees you: not good enough.
Once you recognize these patterns, you can’t pretend you don’t see them anymore.
Some disrespect can be fixed through communication and both people actually trying.
But when it’s constant and he’s not even trying to change, that’s him showing you who he is and how he sees you.
At some point, you have to decide if you’re going to keep accepting this treatment or if you’re going to demand better.
You deserve respect in your marriage.
And you deserve to respect yourself enough to not tolerate being treated like you don’t matter.