I have heard people say, “I may not agree with everything they do, but I respect them.”
And it makes me genuinely ask: what does it mean to be respected?
Could it be popularity?
Does it mean being liked?
Does it mean being feared?
No, no, and no.
You could be the most popular person on social media, raking in engagements, sounding like an authority in your field out there, and the people closest to you disrespect you.
You might give instructions, and everyone does what you say in the blink of an eye; that is because they fear you and do not respect you.
True respect simply means valuing someone and treating them well, whether you agree with them or not.
And one thing you should know is that you don’t demand respect, you earn respect.
How do you earn it?
If You Want to Be Respected in Life, Do These 7 Things
1. Keep Your Word
I recently told my friend to buy something from this lady who’s a mutual, but she refused.
When I asked why, she said the lady once promised to give her some stuff out of the blue, and since she couldn’t deliver, she’s been dodging her ever since.
Nobody will hold you by the words that you did not utter.
They are right there in your stomach or in your head.
Bringing them out is you giving a bit of yourself, and living up to them is that piece becoming whole.
The moment you do not live up to those claims, you literally begin to tear yourself down.
Respect grows when your word matches your actions, and the truth is that people will never forget all of these things.
If you say you’ll call back, call back.
If you agree to show up, show up.
And if you realize you can’t meet an expectation, have the integrity to communicate honestly.
2. Set Boundaries Without Apologizing
You want to be respected, and while at it, you do not want to be a sponge to everyone.
When you become a sponge to everyone, you soak up their problems, their demands, their feelings, and their moods until you’re drained and left with nothing for yourself.
I sang this to my friend a lot recently.
When you do not have boundaries, people start to take you for granted, expecting you to always say yes, even at your own expense.
Boundaries show that you value yourself, your time, your energy, and your peace.
And the truth is, people respect you more when they know where the line is drawn.
They won’t bring BS to your table because they know you won’t tolerate it.
How will people even value you when you’ve shown that you don’t value yourself?
Respect begins when you value yourself enough to set healthy boundaries.
It could mean saying no to a late-night call because you need rest.
It could mean refusing to lend money you can’t afford to lose.
It could even mean distancing yourself from toxic relationships, no matter how long you’ve known the person.
The point is, “No” is a complete sentence.
At first, some people won’t like it.
You might even feel bad because you’re not used to it.
Over time, they’ll come to respect you for protecting your peace.
3. Speak Kindly, But Don’t Sugarcoat the Truth
There’s a big difference between being kind and being fake.
You don’t always have to say what someone wants to hear or even become their solace at all times.
That is not you being kind.
Kindness means speaking in a way that uplifts and helps others even when it is uncomfortable.
You cannot sweep things under the carpet or watch things go south in the name of avoiding conflict.
If someone is making poor choices, respect comes from being the one who says, “I care about you, but I think you need to look at this differently,” instead of gossiping behind their back.
I appreciate the people in my life for this.
They never hesitate to tell me when I am going off the radar, and I respect them for this.
If a colleague makes a mistake, don’t embarrass them, but don’t cover it up either.
Correct them respectfully.
There’s no point in being a “nice person” who isn’t respected.
People will only be in your life to take advantage of the nature they perceive you have, and eventually be asslickers in the guise of respecting you.
4. Take Responsibility for Your Mistakes
There’s nothing more frustrating than being around someone who never owns up to their mistakes.
When you talk of blame shifting, they take the crown.
Nothing is ever their mistake or responsibility, even when it is obviously staring them in the face.
When they’re not shifting blame, they’re justifying why it has to be done that way.
Trust me, people like that sound like a broken record, and nobody will even want to tell you the truth you should hear at any point.
But on the flip side, when people around know you to take criticism constructively and openly, they will not hold back in reaching out to you from a place of respect.
Owning your actions makes people trust you more, not less.
It shows you’re very accountable, and that will always command respect.
5. Be Consistent
Anyone can impress once and, just like the shooting star, fizzle out.
If you are the person who blows hot today and cold tomorrow, even the Bible says you’d be spat out.
You cannot claim to be responsible for any of your actions only when someone is watching or when you know there is something to gain in the long run.
Truthfully, your respect comes from being consistent in your craft and what you are committed to.
Whether you’re present or not, people know what to expect from you.
They know an act from you is not a one-off.
They know you are dedicated and dogged enough to see things through.
That way, your credibility is built, and your respect grows from the repeated pattern of character.
6. Respect Others, No Matter Who They Are
When I say respect others irrespective of who they are, it doesn’t mean becoming their doormat.
It is you extending basic human courtesy to people without regard to their personality or status.
You don’t have to be respectful to only the people you presume can do something for you or you’re likely to gain something from in the future.
Respect is reciprocal.
When you accord the respect due to everyone without that cloak or veil of status, it will come back to you when it is eventually lifted.
7. Develop Yourself Continuously
Personal development is the key to advancement and becoming an authority in your field.
Nobody respects someone who refuses to grow.
Life is constantly moving, and if you remain stagnant, it will move past you.
You can’t be operating on stale knowledge and expect people who know better than you to worship you.
What exactly will they have to revere about you?
The moment you stop learning, you start dying, and so does the light people see in you.
That’s why respected people are always learning.
They read books.
They ask questions.
They take courses.
They stay curious.
Even if they’ve achieved success, they keep improving.