You know how we see couples who look so good together, and we assume that the bedroom must be piping hot as well?
Yeah.
That’s not always the case.
Being physically compatible, I mean in looks, doesn’t mean great things are happening in the bedroom.
Couples who are doing well in the bedroom understand that what happens before bed determines almost everything about what happens in bed.
7 Things Couples Who Have Great Sex Always Do Before Bed
1. They disconnect from their screens and talk
Many of us are addicted to our screens, and it is no longer a secret.
In fact, in most marriages, the phone has become the third party nobody talks about.
Not the other woman or the other man, but the little device that sits between two people who are physically in the same room but mentally in completely different places.
You are in bed together. He is on his phone, you are on yours.
An hour passes, and nobody has said anything meaningful.
You put your phones down, say goodnight, and go to sleep.
You do that enough nights in a row, and one day you look at your husband and realize you have not talked to him in weeks.
I am not exempt from this because my work is on screens. If I’m not working on my PC, I’m working on my phone.
My husband and I have had to be deliberate about this because the pull of the screen is real.
There is always something to check and something to watch.
The internet is designed to keep you on it, and it will take everything you give it and ask for more.
The nights we put the phones down and talk, things are different.
It doesn’t have to be serious talk; sometimes it’s just gisting about nothing or even playing our favorite board game.
This is real intimacy, and intimacy is what great sex is built on.
So, put your phone down. It will still be there in the morning.
Your marriage needs you now.
2. They create an atmosphere on purpose
The bedroom is not just where you sleep. If you want your sex life to make sense, it’s a space you have to treat with intention.
You don’t have to do anything expensive or elaborate if that’s not your thing.
Keeping your bedroom clean and uncluttered doesn’t require you to have millions of dollars in your account because nothing kills the mood faster than trying to be romantic in a room that looks like a storage facility.
Add some sweet fragrance, like diffusers or scented candles, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
These things are small, but small things compound.
When your bedroom is inviting, your body will associate it with relaxation and desire rather than stress.
And you need that relaxation to enjoy being intimate with your spouse.
3. They touch each other with no agenda
This is the one I want every married couple, especially men, to read twice.
If the only time you reach for your wife is when you want sex, she’ll dread being touched by you because her body will associate your touch with obligation rather than pleasure.
And you cannot build desire on dread.
But when your touch is consistent and sincerely affectionate, it keeps the physical connection between you steady.
By the time you get to bed, you won’t be strangers suddenly trying to be intimate.
Because you have been physically present with each other all day, the transition is natural, and the desire is already there.
4. She does something that makes her feel good in her body
If your wife spends the hours before bed stressed, overwhelmed, running on empty, and feeling completely unsexy in her own skin, she will carry all of that into the bedroom.
Even if she shows up physically, she will not be fully there.
Couples who have great sex have figured out, the women especially, that you have to transition out of the day before you can be present in the night.
For some women like me, that is a shower, skincare, changing into something that makes me feel like a woman and not just a mother, and applying some perfume.
Oh, then I’m ready for the night!
So, whatever it is for you as a woman, do it, not for him, but for yourself first.
A woman who feels good in her body shows up differently.
5. They laugh together before they sleep
Laughter is one of the most underrated forms of foreplay!
Laughter creates bonding; it dissolves the tension and the accumulated weight of two people living a real life with real stress.
You cannot feel far from someone you just laughed with properly.
Couples who find each other funny will definitely have a better experience in the bedroom.
These couples usually have inside jokes that nobody else would understand.
They can dissolve into laughter over something ridiculous at eleven o’clock at night and come out of it feeling closer than they did before.
If you and your husband have stopped laughing together, please do something about it.
Bringing the laughter back will bring other things back with it.
6. They go to bed at the same time
If one person is always asleep by the time the other comes to bed, you lose the in-between time that I explained in the first point.
It’s not always possible to go to bed at the same time, but make it more often than not.
Go to bed together. Let the day end together.
What happens after is between you, but going to bed together is where it starts.
Let me add that most women tend to go to bed later in the night because they are cleaning up and doing one or two things at home.
As a man, you can’t be completely useless at home and expect your wife to go to bed at the same time with you.
Make yourself useful or get her the help she needs
7. They have learned what the other person needs
This is the point that separates couples who have consistently great sex from couples who have occasional great sex.
Knowing your partner’s body is one thing, but knowing what they need to get out of their head and into their body is another.
Some people need conversation first.
Some people need silence and stillness, and some people need to feel emotionally resolved before they can be physically present.
That means if something is sitting unaddressed between you, it will sit in the bedroom too. So you gotta fix it.
Some people need to laugh, some need to feel desired outside of the bedroom before they can feel desire inside it.
You’ve got to figure out what your partner needs.
How?
By paying attention and asking questions!
Care enough about each other’s experience to learn it specifically, not from a general article about what women want or what men need, but from this particular woman/man you are married to.
Great sex is not an accident, and it is not reserved for newlyweds and people in movies.
Nah.
It is built intentionally by two people who have decided that this part of their marriage matters enough to tend to.
Tend to it!