To value someone means letting them know they are loved and hold a significant place in your life.
To value your wife means prioritizing her above everyone and connecting with her with genuine care, love, and attention.
Being valued in a relationship isn’t just about saying, “I love you.”
It means treating her in a way that won’t leave her in doubt about your commitment, dedication, and the place she occupies in your life.
It can be upsetting and troublesome to feel your husband doesn’t value you as his wife and life partner.
You wonder if you’ve done anything wrong, if there’s something you aren’t doing right, if there’s someone else, or, worst of all if your marriage is collapsing.
8 Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Value You
The truth is, there are several reasons your husband doesn’t value you, which have nothing to do with you or another woman.
Some of those reasons are: –
1. He is self-centered.
Your husband doesn’t value you because he doesn’t think of and care about anyone but himself and anything that concerns him.
This is a big red flag and a sign of immaturity in a man.
In other words, even if you are his wife, he cares about you and shows you he values you only when he needs something from you.
He might’ve been influenced by how he was raised or the kind of father or mentor he had while growing up, but this doesn’t have anything to do with you.
2. He doesn’t know how to show you he values you.
Your husband loves you, and deep down in his heart, he values you as his wife and life partner.
The only problem is he doesn’t know how to show it.
Showing you how much he loves and values you don’t strike him as something that demands his efforts and attention.
This could be a subconscious mind conditioning that’s a result of coming from a dysfunctional family, childhood trauma, cultural or religious ideologies, and so on.
He doesn’t understand it, and so he doesn’t make an effort to show you and let you know.
3. Your marriage started on the wrong foot.
There’s a saying that you can’t place something on nothing and expect it to stand.
It will definitely fall because there isn’t a base on which it can stand.
Sometimes, if you feel something’s wrong with how your husband makes you feel, it has to do with the foundation on which your union stands.
What were your dating days like?
Did he treat you with love, respect, care, and attention?
Did he let you know you were his priority then?
Did he treat you like a doormat, like another option, or someone he runs to when he needs something?
If your relationship wasn’t based on mutual love and respect, if he didn’t treat you right and let you know and feel he valued you when you were dating, it really shouldn’t be a surprise if you still feel that way as his wife.
4. He’s become too comfortable.
One of the challenges every couple face in their marital union is the challenge of being so comfortable with and around your spouse that you stop making efforts to make them feel loved and valued.
In Nigerian parlance, this is simply called “see finish.”
Frankly, it takes a lot of intentionality for couples not to enter the “see finish” zone.
Overfamiliarity with one’s spouse devalues them in your eyes and commonizes the precious thing you have together.
It’s possible your husband loves, values, and deeply appreciates you, but he has become so comfortable and relaxed around you that he doesn’t think of ways to show you and let you know he values you.
5. He’s taking you for granted.
You’ve been a good wife to him and given so much of your time and resources to make your marriage work.
Sadly, instead of letting you know he loves and values your efforts, your husband feels entitled to them and takes you for granted.
It’s possible your husband doesn’t value you because he has become so comfortable with receiving from you that he feels entitled to you and your efforts.
If this is the case, feel free to withdraw some resources you invest and the time you give him.
Let him feel your absence and miss it.
Perhaps, he’ll learn to appreciate and value you when he misses you.
6. You’ve stopped grooming and improving yourself.
As a wife (and possibly a mom), you’ll lose yourself if you aren’t careful and intentional about self-care and practice self-awareness.
It’s true your self-worth isn’t tied to how you look, but you’ll agree that grooming yourself and looking your best at all times adds to your self-confidence and esteem, making you attractive and desirable to your partner.
If you don’t create time to care for yourself and groom yourself, you’ll lose your confidence and won’t treat yourself right.
If you don’t value and treat yourself well, then it’s likely your husband will follow suit.
Remember, how you treat yourself sets the tone for how other people treat you.
7. You don’t value him.
Love, they say, is a universal language that everyone understands.
If you treat your spouse with love and let him know you value him, he’s likely to return the favour by showing you and letting you know he values you too.
8. He’s in love with another woman.
Yeah.
This is another obvious reason your husband doesn’t value you.
It’s often said that if your spouse isn’t showing you love and care, he’s definitely loving and caring for someone else.
If your husband doesn’t value you, it’s possible he’s in love with another woman who he showers with care and attention, and he lets her know he values and appreciates her.
This isn’t always the case, and as much as this is a possibility, you still need to thread with caution.
Be sure to gather your facts before you conclude and confront him.
Conclusion
Finally, this list isn’t exhaustive and all-encompassing.
There might be other reasons your husband doesn’t value you, but the truth is, you won’t know what those reasons are and how to help your marriage until you ask.
You need to initiate a conversation with your partner.
Keep an open mind and a comfortable and safe environment, and listen to what your husband has to say.
If the issues are caused by things in his past or unhealed trauma, he can look into therapy options.
You can also go through the sessions with him to hold his hands and support him through the process.
These will help you decide how best to approach whatever issues that may arise and see if you can get your husband to value you once again.
All the best.