Is sexual abuse in marriage really a thing?
Just like you, my lady, a lot of people find it difficult to see that sexual abuse can and is happening in some marriages.
They think – “the couple are one now, and their bodies belong to each other.
Any party can do whatever, whenever they want.”
But is this actually true, seeing as the couple are still two individuals despite becoming one in marriage?
I want you to know now that sexual abuse in marriage is real and is more rampant than you think or know.
Sexual abuse consists of all unwelcome sexual contact initiated by anyone — your friend, family member, a stranger or, in this case, your husband.
It can happen to anyone.
As a woman, there’s nothing as hurtful as your husband being the cause of your pain.
The fact that the one person you trust with all you hold dear, including your life, turned out to be your abuser is enough to break you into a million pieces.
One thing about sexual abuse by spouses is that many women don’t even know when they’re being abused until it’s too late.
Most women around the world are taught from an early age and expected to obey and submit to their husbands.
In addition, the lack of proper sex education makes these women believe that their bodies belong to their husbands, to do as they please.
Please note that the various signs your husband is sexually abusing you can be light on you or heavy enough to leave bruises and marks on your body.
So, how will you know that you’re being abused sexually by your husband?
Let’s look at some of these signs.
7 Common Signs Your Husband Is Sexually Abusing You
1. He finds faults in your body
One of the signs your husband is sexually abusing you is if he criticises and insults your body.
From improper physical contact to belittling comments, there are various forms of sexual abuse.
Your husband throwing insults at your looks and body is a form of sexual abuse.
Anyone who claims to love you is not meant to ridicule you because of your appearance.
If your husband truly loves you, he’ll never do anything to tamper with your self-esteem.
2. You consent to sex out of fear
Do you agree to have sex with your husband only because you’re afraid of him and what he can do if you say no?
Usually, physical abuse and sexual abuse go together.
If a victim is going through sexual abuse, they’re most likely also going through physical abuse at the hands of the same person.
As a woman, do you agree to have sex with your husband only because of his threat to harm you?
Perhaps he threatens to hurt your children, leave you or, the most common of them all, hit you.
It’s one of the signs your husband is sexually abusing you.
3. He rapes you
I can sense your drawback as you read up to this point.
And I hear the question you’re screaming out in your mind — “Can my husband rape me?”
Yes, your husband can rape you if he insists on having sex with you after you’ve said no to him.
Even in marriage, sex has to be with your consent.
When your husband erodes your consent and forcefully has sex with you, that is rape!
Sex is supposed to be a consensual between the two parties involved.
4. He rejects practising safe sex with you
Another type of sexual abuse that’s easily overlooked is forcing someone to engage in any unsafe, unwanted or derogatory sexual act.
It means that even if you agree to have sex with your husband, he’s still abusing you sexually if you ask him to use protection and he disagrees with you.
Any instance where someone coerces you to engage in sexual acts that you find uncomfortable is also tagged sexual abuse.
It’s wrong on all levels if he goes against your wish and refuses to use protection, thereby exposing you unwanted pregnancy or the risk of contracting STDs and infections, if he has been cheating.
If you’re comfortable with using protection during sex, your husband should accept that your decision is valid and respect and maintain it.
5. He blames you for having a bad sex life
Usually, abusers blame and fault their victims to the point where the victim begins to doubt themselves for even thinking that their abuser is abusing them in the first place.
Maybe your husband has manipulated you into believing that it’s your sole responsibility to pleasure and please him.
In this case, with an abuser, it’s not a two-way thing; he doesn’t have to please or pleasure you.
He also conditions you to believe that if you can’t please him, he has the right to force himself on you.
Is this your reality?
It’s a pity that you’ve been going through a modern form of abuse.
Sexual coercion includes manipulation, pressurizing and the use of guilt.
6. You accept his decisions on pregnancy and birth control
If he makes you accept his decisions on pregnancy and birth control, it’s a form of sexual abuse.
Let me put it better.
He forces you to accept his decisions on pregnancy and birth control.
In a free world, it’s a woman’s body, and she should have the upper hand in taking such decisions.
But as you are united in marriage, it’s a decision that should be taken jointly by you and your spouse.
So, it’s very selfish and wicked of your husband to dictates what happens in your body and when without as little as your consent.
7. He denies you sex
Denying your spouse sex either because of your sexual orientation or as a form of punishment, or worse still, not consummating the marriage, is considered to be abuse.
No matter the excuse you want to make for him, it’s still a form of sexual abuse.
I mentioned withholding sex as a form of punishment.
Let me break it down.
Withholding sex as a means of getting what you want from your spouse is considered to be both sexual and physical abuse.
You’re using sex as a form of manipulation to keep your spouse in check.
The wholesome way to handle problems in your marriage is through effective communication and never by denying your partner sex or love.
What Do You Do If Your Husband Is Abusing You Sexually?
That you’re married doesn’t automatically mean that your body belongs to your husband.
You’re still in control of your body and have a major say over what happens to you.
A wholesome sexual relationship involves two individuals with high regard for each other.
In such a relationship, no one will ever force the other person to do anything that’s considered harmful, or they’re not comfortable with.
The first thing to do if your husband is abusing you sexually is to realize that you are being abused.
Tell yourself the truth about the situation.
If you feel that you can reason with your husband, speak with him about it.
If not, I’ll advise you to start looking out for your safety.
Most abusers don’t like it when their victims speak up.
So, he might intensify the abuse in a bid to shut you up.
Speak to family members and loved ones who you can trust.
You can reach out to a professional therapist or counsellor.
Do anything you can to get the help you need.
Plan your exit from the abusive environment.
Leave to live!