Marriage isn’t just a stroll through the park; it comes with its issues and challenges.
Living with a partner with different hygiene standards can be one of these challenges.
It is incredibly challenging when you are living with an exceptionally messy husband.
In this situation, you may feel like marriage is one big thankless job, and no one would even blame you for feeling this way.
The constant clutter, dirty dishes, misplaced belongings, and the chaotic atmosphere of your home can be trying for even the most patient person.
If you find yourself feeling frustrated because your husband doesn’t clean up after himself, you are not alone.
This common issue leads to tension and conflicts in many marriages.
However, with patience, effective communication, and a few other strategies you will learn from this article, you can find a way to coexist in peace with your husband.
This may require you to maintain an open mind and an adequate level of empathy.
If you are ready to find a solution to your husband’s messy habits, let’s go on this journey together.
Here are seven things you can do to get your husband to clean up after himself, and trust me, none of them involves you holding him at gunpoint.
My Husband Doesn’t Clean Up After Himself: 7 Things To Do
1. Communicate with him
Communication can be the magic you need to resolve the messy situation in your home.
Effective communication is one of the best approaches for couples in conflict resolution.
So… Communicate with your husband.
I don’t mean you should walk up to your husband and say, “Shawn, you are very dirty.”
That’s quite rude, and for all your efforts, this will lead to even more chaos, making the messy situation even messier.
Make time to calmly discuss with your husband about how bothersome this behavior is and what you want to change.
The keyword in the sentence above is “calmly.”
When calmness is lacking in a conversation, emotions will set in and cause more conflict.
An example of how to calmly broach the subject may be, “I feel like our house shouldn’t be this messy. Don’t you think we should get it cleaned soon?”
Doing it this way is helpful because you are seeking his opinion on the messy situation of the house and not outrightly accusing him of being messy.
Growing up and learning about similes and metaphors made me realize how words could hit differently when carefully framed.
I realized that saying, “You are as dirty as a pig,” didn’t hit as hard as “You are a pig,” then I learned the major lesson: euphemism is king.
Instead of using simile, you could use euphemism and say, “Your clothes are dirty. The muddy pathways must have caused it”.
You can describe the situation of the house, but you should avoid accusing him.
He already knows who messed the house up, and accusing him may only annoy him.
2. Understand his perspective
This is the aim of communication.
Beyond expressing your feelings, you also want to understand his perspective.
You could even ask him what he feels you need to deal with to ensure cleanliness in the house.
In fact, through this, you will understand the causes of his inability to clean up after himself.
Note that understanding his perspective doesn’t mean you are excusing his behavior; it only helps you identify more effective ways of resolving the issue amicably.
3. Set expectations
This is another important concept that people overlook in marriage.
Setting expectations in marriage is just as useful as setting boundaries to ensure respect from your spouse.
When you set expectations concerning cleanliness, it becomes a rule in the house that shouldn’t be broken.
For instance, you can set expectations by saying, “I believe we should do the dishes every night before going to bed. Leaving unwashed dishes till tomorrow just seems kinda messy”.
When setting expectations, it is important you start with small tasks.
You shouldn’t expect your husband to improve overnight.
You should set realistic expectations and help him achieve them.
Over time, you can steadily raise the bar of your expectations.
Also, note that you need to communicate the expectations set effectively.
He is not a mind reader.
4. Divide household chores
Sometimes, it is better to find out the tasks that your husband will prefer to do.
Decide the chores that your husband will do and the ones you will do.
This may be difficult to do, but doing it will go a long way in improving the home’s hygiene.
In this system, you must ensure the chores are apportioned fairly to avoid resentment.
If your husband feels like he is given too much to do, consider taking some tasks off the list to encourage him.
5. Resist the urge to redo something he has already done
Cleaning the area, he has just finished cleaning signals to your husband that he didn’t do a good job.
If you continue to do this, he will stop trying to clean because if you still end up doing it, why is he wasting his time?
If you don’t like the way he is doing something, you should come right out and tell him.
Don’t tell him rudely.
You can say, “Normally, I don’t fold the clothes that way. Try doing it this way”.
6. Appreciate his efforts
When you are told to appreciate someone for doing something that is supposed to be their duty, you may wonder why they need appreciation.
After all, they are just doing what they are supposed to be doing.
However, it is important always to appreciate people, even when they seem to be doing their jobs.
The way you feel happy and encouraged when your boss at work appreciates you for a job well done is similar to the feeling your husband gets when you appreciate him for cleaning up after himself.
Thank him for the work he is putting in to ensure the tidy atmosphere of the house.
This makes him feel valued and encourages him to do even more.
It may seem like a little gesture, but it has important effects on the man’s psyche.
7. Don’t nag
There is this popular misconception among many women that nagging can change a man.
On the contrary, nagging only irritates your husband and makes him resentful.
To ensure that all the steps above are practical, you must resist the urge to nag him.
If it looks like he hasn’t done what he is supposed to and you have reminded him once, avoid reminding him again.
Pestering him about chores may have the unwanted effect of making him resentful and irritable.
Final Words
Married life comes with its challenges.
However, it must be noted that most of the challenges of marriage can be surmounted by adopting the right approach, communication tone, and facial expressions.
To ensure that your husband learns to clean up after himself, sarcasm and accusations should be refrained from.
Instead, by employing effective communication and patience, you will effectively resolve the issue without resentment from your husband.
Most times, the noncombatant attitude is the right attitude!