I didn’t know that being hard to love was a thing until some years ago.
I was with an elderly friend when another of her younger friends met us.
The young man was complaining bitterly about his fiancée, and that was the first time I had heard of someone being ‘hard to love.’
He made a statement that was in line with his fiancée being hard to love, while our elderly friend advised him to take things easy and work things out with his fiancée.
When he left, I asked my friend to explain more about what it means for someone to be hard to love.
She put me through some eye-opening signs that I’ll share with you in this article.
You might have taken pride in describing yourself as a complicated person because of your complex relationship with your loved ones and people.
Are you really all that, or are you simply hard to love?
While the truth might be a bitter pill for you to swallow, the earlier you find out what’s really going on with you, the better it’ll be for you.
We’ll be looking at the signs you’re hard to love.
As a bonus, I’ll also include some realistic tips on how to change your situation positively.
Let’s get right to it.
7 Signs You’re Hard To Love And How To Change It
1. You are difficult to understand
One of the most obvious signs of being difficult to love is being difficult to understand, and your loved ones are not left out of this puzzle.
I won’t be wrong to say that you’re unpredictable.
Even the people who are closest to you can’t figure you out.
While being a little bit unpredictable is encouraged, it’s not always good to be difficult to understand.
I mean, a little bit of mystery here and there adds to the spice of life.
However, in the context of relationships, being unpredictable will pass you off as someone who is not trustworthy.
Your partner will not be able to tell who exactly you are.
They may not even know where they really stand with you.
It makes it hard to love you effortlessly.
2. You don’t know how to let go of the past
If you do not know how to let go of the past, it’s a sign that you’re hard to love.
You’re fond of holding on to old baggage.
You’re in the habit of punishing the people who are currently in your life for the bad things that happened to you in the past.
It sounds weird, right?
It actually happens, and it makes someone hard to love.
I totally understand that it can be very difficult to open up and be vulnerable to someone new after you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship.
Many of us have been there, but we didn’t let it get the better of us.
You need to purge yourself and let go of all that negative energy from the past.
However, if you refuse to let it go, you will only project your experiences and insecurities onto an entirely new and different person.
You’re simply making it difficult for your new partner to love you.
Love doesn’t have to be difficult, you know.
3. You do not compromise
One of the signs you’re hard to love is that you do not compromise.
Compromise is not in your dictionary of words.
You’re averse to finding a middle ground and calling a truce in your relationships.
Take a moment to imagine how it feels to love or even put up with someone who finds it hard to accommodate other people.
Tiring and frustrating, right?
That’s exactly the position you’re putting your partner and loved ones in with your refusal to compromise.
You need to learn how to accommodate other people.
You should be able to go out of your way sometimes to make your loved ones happy.
Don’t just be on the receiving end.
If you really love and care about someone, you should be willing to meet them halfway most of the time.
Making sacrifices and reaching compromises are part of what love is about.
4. You do not apologize
You might take pride in being complicated because you’re very stubborn.
You don’t apologize even when it’s crystal clear that you’re wrong.
In fact, you do not know how to apologize.
It’s one of the signs you’re hard to love, and that’s not a good sign.
Every time there’s an issue with your partner, you find a way to spin the narrative and pin the blame on them.
As long as you’re involved, they’re always wrong and end up apologizing to you simply because you see yourself as too stubborn and incapable of apologizing.
It’s very wrong.
If you continue with such behavior, your partner will get tired one day, which may be the beginning of the end of that relationship.
Learn how to say the important words — ‘I’m sorry.’
While apologies may not entirely erase the harm done, they offer deep healing and cushion the hurt.
5. You are unreliable
If you are unreliable, it’ll be hard to love you.
No one can depend on you.
Ironically, it’s funny how, most of the time, it’s these people who are hard to love and who always need people to rely on.
How can you be in a relationship or friendship, and your partner or friend can’t depend on you when they really need you?
It’s selfish of you, honestly.
It’ll definitely put a strain on your relationship with that person, and it’ll make it hard for them to love you.
One of the best things you can do for your loved ones is to show up for them whenever they need you.
By doing so, you’re letting them know that they can rely on you.
It’ll be so easy to love you, seeing as you are reliable.
6. You do not love yourself
If you do not love yourself first, how do you expect someone else to love you?
For instance, you’re on a path to self-destruction, you drive recklessly, always wound up drunk, and engage in other extreme vices.
How can someone else love you?
I think that the easiest people to love are the ones who love and take care of themselves consistently.
The purest and greatest form of love you’ll ever experience is the one you show yourself.
When you love yourself rightly, you’re setting the tone for how other people should love you.
7. You do not know how to communicate
One of the signs you’re hard to love is that you don’t know how to communicate.
Even if I emphasize the importance of effective communication until tomorrow, there are still people who are bad at it.
When you fall out with someone else, you do not know how to talk about and work through your differences and disagreements with that person.
The truth is that every relationship is considered healthy and strong when effective communication occurs between the parties involved.
If you’re the type of person who shuts down and finds it hard to communicate your feelings to your partner during an argument or disagreement, it’ll cause a strain on your relationship.
Your partner won’t know the right thing to do and what to expect from you.
It’ll be hard for them to love you.
4 Ways To Change Being Hard To Love
1. Learn to love yourself
The first step towards making it easy for others to love you is learning how to love yourself.
If you can work on and develop a sense of self-love, you’re well on your way to making it easy for others to love you.
However, it’s not a walk in the park.
Sometimes, it’ll be almost impossible to achieve this feat by yourself.
Feel free to work with a therapist to discover your underlying issues, face and conquer them, and move on with your life.
You’re worthy of love.
If you keep pumping that positivity and showing love to yourself, it’ll be easier for everyone else to love you.
2. Learn how to communicate and talk about your feelings
Another thing you need to do is learn how to talk about your feelings.
It doesn’t matter if those feelings are positive or negative.
Communicating about how you feel will make you appear open, approachable, and accessible to other people.
They may not agree with you or like what you said.
But they’ll acknowledge and love the fact that you were comfortable with saying it regardless.
3. Let your loved ones know that you love them
Another habit you should cultivate is letting your loved ones know that you love them.
You don’t need to do too much to let them know that you love and care about them.
Love and happiness lie in the little things.
You should invest in doing the little things that’ll light up their world and put a smile on their face.
Send that text, make that call, hand them that bouquet of flowers, be kind to them, make them smile.
The list is endless.
It doesn’t take much to put a smile on someone’s face and make them feel loved.
And it’s not hard at all to love someone who does it.
4. Learn how to apologize and take responsibility for your actions
Do you find it difficult to apologize?
Are you fond of blaming everyone but yourself whenever things go wrong?
Then, it’s time for a positive change.
Instead of looking for how to apportion blame whenever you have issues in your relationship, look for ways to fix the problem.
When you focus on the problem and search for solutions instead of looking for who to blame, not only will you solve the problem quickly and more effectively, but the approach will also help you see your partner as a team and foster unity between both of you.
It’ll make it easier for them to love you.