One wrong move can change everything for the worse.
I used to know a man who was married for about fifteen years.
All was well, or so I thought until his wife found out that he had a mistress.
The shocking part of the discovery was that he had been with the mistress for over five years.
Sensing that the relationship between him and the other woman had become more than just a fling because of the number of years they’d been seeing each other, the wife gave him an ultimatum.
She asked him to choose between herself and his mistress.
It wasn’t easy for him because his emotions were already deeply invested in both women in different ways.
Well, things took a downward spiral from there for him.
While he was still dragging his feet over choosing between both women, his wife served him divorce papers.
In addition to getting divorced, he was made to pay a huge sum that burned a hole in his pocket monthly for child support.
On the side, his mistress pretended to be a shoulder for him to lean on during the divorce and child support saga.
Afterward, she fleeced him of what was left of his life savings and disappeared into thin air.
The last time I saw the man, he was miserable and drowning himself in alcohol.
This brings me to the question: what happens when a man is emotionally torn between his wife and mistress?
In this article, we’ll be viewing this question through the eyes of a married woman whose husband is emotionally torn between herself and his mistress.
Without further ado, let’s get down to business.
8 Things That Happen When Your Husband Is Emotionally Torn Between You And His Mistress
1. Strain on the family
When your husband is emotionally torn between you and his mistress, the family dynamics will be significantly strained.
There’s an Igbo (an ethnicity in the southeastern part of Nigeria) adage: “When one finger gets stained with oil, the oil soon spreads to the other fingers.”
Any good or bad decision made by any family member invariably affects other members of the family.
The same applies here.
Like the man who got divorced due to his infidelity, when everything got out in the open, the changes in the family dynamics were too glaring to be ignored.
Although he usually spent more time away from home, it became worse.
He was hardly at home anymore, which affected his relationship with his children, as he stopped spending time with them altogether.
His wife paled and became an unhappy version of herself despite trying to put up a front that all was well with her.
Everyone was walking on eggshells, and the home was no longer a happy one.
2. Strain on his relationship with his wife
When a woman finds out that her husband is having an affair, the relationship between them will deteriorate greatly.
It becomes worse if she finds out that he’s emotionally attached to the other woman.
He lied to her, broke her trust, betrayed their love, and broke their marriage vows.
Fights, arguments, and silent treatment will be the order of the day in such a marriage.
On the man’s part, he might be begging her for forgiveness and asking for more time to clear up the mess he created.
The woman, however, would be broken by the weight of his betrayal.
Cheating in marriage is the worst kind of betrayal, and many women don’t recover from the effect finding out their husbands cheated on them has no their hearts.
3. Pressure from his mistress to choose her
Away from his wife and children, he’ll be getting a lot of heat from his mistress.
Having spent some time having an affair with him, I’ll not rule out the possibility that she has developed feelings for him.
She might want him all to herself.
She may also be hellbent on securing her position in his life or securing the benefits she gets from him.
Wahala! (meaning trouble).
She’ll put him under so much pressure to choose between herself and his wife.
Since the wife now knows about her, she’ll capitalize on that to hope that the wife either leaves him or he chooses to leave his wife for her.
Thus, she will ‘tension’ (Nigerian slang for pressurize) and manipulate him so the odds are in her favor.
4. His marriage sex life suffers
This reminds me of ASA’s song, “There is Fire on the Mountain”.
However, who is talking about sex when a lot of things are at stake?
The point is that if why he stepped out in the first place was sex, then it’ll be like a stubborn bone stuck in his throat.
He won’t be getting any… shikena (meaning Finish in the Hausa language).
It doesn’t matter whether or not cheating is a deal breaker for his wife; no one likes the idea of sharing their partner with anyone else.
Sex will definitely be the last thing on the menu for him unless his wife plans to use it to manipulate him.
5. His finances will take a hit
I recently saw a movie with a similar storyline.
This man was cheating on his wife and started ‘catching’ feelings for his mistress.
He confessed his love to his mistress via text but added that he also loves his wife.
The mistress took advantage of his love for her to always ask him for huge sums of money under the pretext of starting up a business.
Somehow, the wife saw the love text he sent to his mistress.
Rather than confront him, she kept calm and drafted a plan to deal with him.
Luckily for her, no kids were involved in the marriage.
She also started collecting good money for many flimsy reasons.
Unknown to him, both women were using his money individually to secure their exit from his life.
When the money was no longer coming as it used to, and he started making excuses instead of cash transfers, his mistress dumped him.
The wife found out when he turned to her for comfort with the lie that he had a business deal gone wrong.
She waited for him to get comfortable before confronting him with her findings and served him divorce papers before he could find his voice to defend himself.
The two women milked him dry and left him.
6. He’ll be confused
A man who is emotionally torn between his wife and his mistress will be confused, and rightfully so, because he willingly walked into the messy situation with both eyes open.
The reason for his confusion is not far-fetched – he got emotionally attached to his mistress.
If not, it’d have been easy for him to let go of her.
His confusion will cause him to lose concentration, which will negatively affect everything about him.
For instance, his productivity and work output will drop noticeably simply because he’s not concentrating fully at work.
7. His wife may leave him
When a husband is emotionally torn between his wife and his mistress, his wife may decide to leave him.
There are people who are serious about cheating being their deal breaker.
They’ll prefer to be alone rather than be strung along with lies and deceit.
They give their all to one person and expect the same in return.
They won’t hesitate to use the door if they notice they’re getting less than they deserve or are giving.
If his wife is one of such people, she might start planning her exit once she finds out about the other woman.
Marriage should be as wholesome as possible, and it’s the partner in it to happen.
But when one person starts bringing in lies, deceit, cheating, and other negative elements, the purpose of a wholesome marriage is defeated.
8. His mistress can leave him
Sometimes, a mistress knows her place in the life of her married lover and acts accordingly.
She knows he belongs to another woman, and her time with him will be up someday.
So, instead of catching feelings for him, she’ll focus on enjoying the moments because the memories are all she’ll have when the affair ends.
Such a woman can decide to leave a married man who has gotten emotionally attached to herself and his wife.
She knows that she has no future with him after all.
Just so you don’t think I am painting the mistress as noble, every decision the mistress makes will always be one that favors her.
She may decide to leave him alone because she only wants a good time while being the other woman and not to be tied down in love with her lover.
When love and emotional attachment enter the mix, she may move on to catch other bigger fishes.