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What Does A Married Man Want In An Affair?

What Does A Married Man Want In An Affair?

Have you ever wondered enough to ask, “What does a married man want in an affair?”

Infidelity is a horrible thing to experience.

It’s a silent killer of relationships and marriages.

Most people already talk about why married men have affairs.

Seemingly happily married men have affairs, too.

Most married men do not have affairs because they have unhappy marriages.

Far from it!

There are many reasons married men have affairs, and it’s different for every married man.

Now, we want to know what married men want with the person he’s cheating with.

And just like why they have affairs, their expectations from affairs are also different.

I’ve outlined a number of the things a married man may want in an affair.

Read on to get the full details.

What Does A Married Man Want In An Affair?: 10 Things

1. For his needs to be met

What does a married man want in an affair
In an affair, a married man wants his needs to be met.

The usual cause of marriage problems is when a partner’s needs aren’t being met completely.

These needs may include a listening ear, warm company, adoration, respect, etc.

While a man may be generally happy with his wife, he can still be dissatisfied in some areas.

It might be that they’re unable to resolve it entirely as a couple, or he did not communicate it.

So, he goes outside to find someone else to meet his needs.

2. Freedom of self expression

What does a married man want in an affair
If a married man is having an affair, it can be that he’s feeling choked in the marriage and is unable to express himself properly.

This kind of man sees having an affair as an opportunity to explore the parts of himself that he has never experienced or that he subdued in marriage.

Please note that it’s a far cry from changing his personality.

In this case, all he wants is to feel unburdened for as long as possible.

To him, the freedom from the responsibilities and commitments of marriage means that he’s genuinely experiencing life and growing.

3. To share his insecurities with someone else

What does a married man want in an affair
While it’s true that everyone has insecurities, sometimes, we tend to handle them in ways that are not as healthy as we want.

A married man can be a good husband to his wife and a loving father to his children.

For this reason, he’s constantly under pressure to keep his family happy.

In such an atmosphere, he won’t be able to talk about his insecurities and get them addressed healthily.

So, he looks for an outsider who can help him handle them.

The result is mostly an affair because while he shares his insecurities with her, they’re also intimate.

4. Constant Excitement

What does a married man want in an affair
Another thing a married man wants in an affair is constant excitement.

For some married men, the fascination of doing something they shouldn’t drove them to have affairs.

The forbidden fruit enchanted them.

If we’re being honest, most affairs started not because of attraction or sex but because of the excitement and thrill the indulgers get from doing what’s not right and not getting caught.

Once that excitement is demystified, the affair loses its taste in his mouth, and he ends it.

That’s why he expects constant excitement from any affair he’s having, not to lose interest.

5. Spontaneity

What does a married man want in an affair
This point is in line with point 4 above.

One of the things a married man wants in an affair is spontaneity.

Apart from the excitement of having an affair and not getting caught, he wants to be spontaneous.

So many happily married men have orderly and compartmentalized lives to maintain a successful marriage and family.

Being in an authentic relationship means he gets comfortable being reliable and always in a routine.

While some men are too happy to have that kind of life, the same can’t be said for others.

Some want to be away from all the organized life, at least occasionally.

They crave spontaneity, and it can’t come from their homes, except they have wives who are not rigid.

He may begin an affair without an understanding wife willing to bend the rules and stay away from routines at intervals.

At least he doesn’t owe the other woman any commitment and can arrange meetings with her whenever he wants.

And to him, it’s a breath of fresh air away from constant routines.

6. To feel less vulnerable and dependent

What does a married man want in an affair
Surprisingly, emotions play a part in a married man having an affair.

It is related to the insecurities he may have.

Many men have difficulties opening up, being vulnerable, and expressing emotions.

Even with themselves, they mostly deny how they truly feel.

Marriage becomes scary to this type of man because he sees that he’s expected to be vulnerable and dependent on only one person — his wife.

He doesn’t want to hand her that type of power over him.

So, he starts an affair with the sole reason that he needs to be vulnerable and dependent.

He shares his insecurities with the other woman, too.

For this type of man, what he wants in an affair is to be vulnerable with who he’s cheating so that he’ll be less vulnerable to his wife.

7. Boost of self-confidence

What does a married man want in an affair
Sometimes, a man has an affair to prove to himself that he still has it in him to attract other women.

He’s just being selfish and, at that point, needs his ego to be massaged.

By even landing an affair successfully, he’s already feeling good about himself because it has proven to him that he’s still attractive and desirable to other women.

Such a man won’t mind an ego boost from his sidepiece whenever they meet to remind him that he’s still desirable.

So, he might ask her to sing his praises and flatter him occasionally to boost his ego.

Once she does it when he needs it, there’s peace in their world.

8. He wants free sex

The libido of men is generally more than women in most cases.

Some men desire to have affairs so they can have free sex.

They believe having sex with one woman all their lives can be boring, but having extramarital affairs is like a full option buffet.

For some, marriage sex is not as exciting as exploring different styles and techniques with their side piece.

With her, they can fulfill all their sexual fantasies.

9. He wants children

Some married men actually want children in extramarital affairs.

This is especially applicable to men experiencing fertility delays in their marriages.

It is also the same for men looking for a different gender of children.

For instance, a man who has only female children in his marriage may decide to have an affair in a bid to get a male child outside.

10. He seeks to live his dream

Some married men regret their marriages for certain reasons like unrealistic and unmet expectations, overfamiliarity, communication issues, etc.

They might start looking for a woman of their dreams.

They can go into extramarital affairs wanting to live their dream woman after all.

By the way, this in no way justifies or rationalizes such actions.


You’ve seen some things married men want in an affair.

This is not an excuse for infidelity.

Men who are dissatisfied in their marriages should communicate with their wives to sort things out.

They might even need to explore counseling options if all efforts at a solution prove abortive.

In any case, a man can still cheat after his wife’s efforts, and that’s on him.