Most people know that marriage is two becoming one;
It means that what’s yours is mine.
So, if I achieve anything, it is your achievement and vice versa.
I remember watching a video of Adrienne Bailon – now Houghton – jokingly calling herself a Grammy winner because her husband is, and I thought, ‘That’s true! Two has become one, so she can see her husband’s achievement as hers’.
Unfortunately, not every marriage is like this.
Some are rife with jealousy and competition because they don’t see each other as the extension of the other.
At the risk of sounding stereotypical, you often find this with men more than you do with women.
This is because society is harsh to an unsuccessful man, so it is seen as an abnormality for a woman to be more successful than her husband.
For that reason, you find many men threatened by their wife’s success.
Sometimes, it even plays out when they can see that she is beginning to make strides in her career and business, and not necessarily because she is more successful.
Whatever the case, when a man is threatened by his wife, he is likely to treat her in certain ways.
Let’s look at them.
When A Man Feels Threatened By His Wife : He Treats His Wife Like This
1. He Competes With Her
This is the most obvious sign that a man is threatened by his wife.
Normally, a healthy couple sees themselves as an extension of each other; they regard themselves as a team.
But when one person sees the other as party B, they tend to treat them like an opp.
That’s what happens when a man feels threatened by his wife’s success; he might turn the relationship into an unspoken competition.
Instead of celebrating her achievements, he will constantly try to one-up her.
You will find him comparing salaries, accomplishments, or even silly things like who gets more attention, who cooks better, who dresses better, and so on.
Yes, a threatened man becomes obsessed with proving he’s “still on top” on even the most ridiculous things.
And over time, the marriage begins to feel less like a team, and more like a rivalry.
2. He Throws Her Success In Her Face
Another thing a man does when he is threatened by his wife’s success is to weaponize her success, especially during arguments.
Suddenly, her hard-earned achievements become a point of blame: “You’re always busy with work,” or “You think you’re better than me now.”
The wife will feel stifled because he will refer to her success anytime she does or says anything.
For instance, if she asks him to throw the trash, he will tell her the reason she can tell him to do that is because she is now doing well at work.
This is a man who probably didn’t have issues doing domestic chores before her success.
He will now make it his duty to make her feel bad about something she should be proud of.
Instead of appreciating her effort, he will use it to deflect from his insecurities.
3. He Dismisses Her Achievement
In the same vein, some men will downplay the success entirely.
Instead of celebrating her, he might say things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or worse, act like it doesn’t matter.
Dismissing her hard work is a way to convince himself that she is not doing something worth celebrating.
Of course, it is about his insecurity.
The only way he can feel better about himself is if he minimizes her accomplishments.
It’s easier for him to ignore her success than to confront his own feelings of inadequacy.
4. He Overly Criticizes Her
Men who are threatened by their wives’ success also become harshly critical.
I always say it is normal to find something to criticize about your spouse—or, better yet, to complain about.
Your spouse is not perfect, and they are different from you, so there are bound to be one or two things you wish they hadn’t done.
However, when you love them, you might be willing to let some things go or be careful how you communicate your displeasure because you are careful about not hurting them.
Conversely, when a man is threatened by his wife, he will often give biting criticism without any thought of how it makes her feel.
He will nitpick every little thing she does and how she attends to her work.
He may criticize how she takes care of the home and children, how she talks about her work, the way she manages her time, or even the people she associates with.
His constant criticism is to the end that she feels nothing she does is ever good enough.
He wants to throw her into self-doubt and make her as insecure as he is.
5. He Tries To Control Her
We’ve already established that when a man is threatened by his wife, it is because he is insecure.
So, you will find him trying to assert control as a way of compensating for his insecurities.
He could start micromanaging her choices or asserting dominance.
He is likely to start questioning her work schedule, controlling her finances, or even influencing her career decisions.
He will often say things like, “I am the man of the house” or “I am the head of this home.”
Because his wife’s success makes him feel less like a man, he is trying to get his power back.
He believes that by keeping her in check, he can somehow restore balance in the relationship.
6. He Makes Her Feel Guilty About Her Ambition Or Success
Another thing such a man is likely to do is guilt-trip her and make her feel she is doing something wrong by wanting to succeed.
He will often make statements to make her feel guilty for striving for more.
He will say things like, “You don’t have time for the family anymore,” or, “You’re too focused on work,” to leave her torn between her career and personal life.
Men know women are often criticized for not being present in the homefront, so he will add to the guilt she probably already feels from the outside.
His intention is to make her second-guess whether she’s doing the right thing so she can reduce her drive for success and he can feel better about himself.
7. He Withdraws From Her
When a man feels threatened by his wife’s achievements, he might pull away emotionally and physically.
Remember that he no longer feels warm towards her, so it will be easy to withdraw affection and shut her out.
He may start to spend more time at work, avoid meaningful conversations, or just seem uninterested in her life.
Of course, sometimes it is unintentional, but it doesn’t change the fact that he withdraws based on how he feels about her.
His poor feelings will spill over to how much he doesn’t want to be in her presence.
8. He Gives Her An Ultimatum
When a husband feels threatened by his wife’s success, he may give her an ultimatum.
If his past tantrums didn’t deter her or dim her shine, he might go in for the kill.
He may ask her to choose between her job or marriage.
This is very manipulative, and no woman should be made to make such a decision forcefully.
He may even go the extra mile to give an ultimatum to the relationship while pinning the blame for the relationship’s failure on her.
The root cause of the storm is his insecurity.
9. He Accuses Her Of Cheating
Insecure men sometimes deflect their fears by accusing their successful wives of being unfaithful.
He will often throw accusatory questions like who she was with when she attends meetings late, or he sees her with a member of the opposite sex.
It doesn’t matter whether the claims have any basis; what matters is that he fears that she is doing better, so he might be afraid she will leave him for someone “better.”
Of course, it is more a reflection of how he sees himself, but he will project his feelings on her and accuse her of planning to leave him for someone who suits her more.