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“Why Am I Not Mad At My Boyfriend For Cheating?”

“Why Am I Not Mad At My Boyfriend For Cheating?”

Selina just got the worst news of the year and is amazed that she feels nothing about it.

She had just gotten irrefutable evidence that her boyfriend of three years was cheating on her.

He was cheating with four different girls!

After hearing the news, the only emotion she feels is shock.

She is shocked that her boyfriend of three years could be going out with four other girls without her even suspecting.

A part of her even finds it funny, but the real emotion anyone would expect from anyone in her position is missing.

She can’t just bring herself to be angry.

She is only surprised she didn’t find out earlier.

It makes her wonder.

Because of this lack of emotion, she sees a therapist with this question…

“Why am I not mad at my boyfriend for cheating on me?”

Weird as it may sound, many victims of infidelity feel this way.

Bouts of anger hurt, and feelings of betrayal characterize the normal aftermath of infidelity within a relationship.

Most people react with intense outbursts of emotions to betrayal from someone they love.

However, not everyone reacts this way.

Some people find themselves in the weird situation of not being angry at their partner after being cheated on.

If you are in Selina’s shoes and wondering why you can’t feel angry at your boyfriend, this article is for you.

Here are seven reasons you are not mad at your boyfriend even after he cheated.

“Why Am I Not Mad At My Boyfriend For Cheating?”- 7 Reasons

1. You are shocked

why am i not mad at my boyfriend for cheating


When traumatic events occur to people, most of the time, the go-to response from the victims is shock.

At this point, your brain is still processing what has happened to you, and you have yet to comprehend the full gravity of it all.

It happens to people who have suffered or are suffering from traumatic events.

For some people, being a victim of infidelity may not sound traumatic.

They might not regard cheating as a deal breaker.

However, cheating is a breach of trust.

It can be classified as a traumatic event, especially since people don’t go into relationships expecting to be cheated on by their partners.

The reason you are not feeling mad at your boyfriend may be because your mind is still numb from the shock, and you haven’t processed the gravity of the situation yet.

This is especially true if you have just gotten the news of his betrayal.

It will take a few days or weeks to finally understand what happened.


2. You are subconsciously suppressing the anger 

People have different coping mechanisms when dealing with traumatic events.

Some people may try their best to suppress any form of anger towards whoever is responsible for their distress as a way of coping with it.

The same thing applies to relationships.

It’s not very weird to see people who are this way in their relationships.

They handle emotional distress better when they are calm, and because of this, they try their best not to give in to anger.

If your boyfriend cheated on you and you just discovered that you are weirdly not mad at him, it may be because this is your subconscious way of coping with trauma and distress.

In this case, you exude an exterior of calm.

Underneath it all, you are probably sheathing with anger, but it’s so well hidden that you may not realize it yourself.


3. You are in denial

"Why Am I Not Mad At My Boyfriend For Cheating?"

Denial is another way people try to cope with traumatic events.

They try to convince themselves that whatever happened never happened.

At other times, they may not deny that it happened but only deny its effect on them.

If you try to minimize the pain your boyfriend caused you by cheating on you, you may not feel mad at him.

This is not because you have forgiven him, but admitting that you are angry at him for cheating on you is an acceptance that he caused you a lot of pain, and you are not ready to deal with that yet.

So, it appears like you are not angry at him at all.


4. You didn’t take the relationship seriously


why am i not mad at my boyfriend for cheating


It is possible that you didn’t consider the relationship to be something serious enough to waste your emotions over.

In fact, it is even possible that you are not feeling any form of betrayal because you weren’t expecting much from the relationship.

In this case, it is very possible you won’t feel angry at him because you are not committed to the relationship.

The betrayal is easier to accept for you, and you can easily move on from the relationship if you choose to.


5. You have cheated on him

Plot twist…

Let’s consider that you are not exactly the victim in this case because sometime in the past, your boyfriend discovered that you had cheated on him, and he decided to pay you back by cheating on him.

This is one of the reasons you will not feel mad at a boyfriend who cheated on you.

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”- Newton’s third law of motion.

This law applies to a lot more than physics, and when you realize that actions always have consequences, you probably won’t be mad at a boyfriend who cheated on you for cheating on him.

Instead, you may take a philosophical outlook and make theories about “karma.”


6. You are too attached to him

To illustrate this point, I will have to tell the story of two friends of mine who were in love with each other until the guy cheated.

When the lady discovered the guy cheated, it seemed like hell would break loose.

She was angry at him and sad that he broke her heart.

As a result, she ended the relationship.

However, before the breakup, their lives had become so intertwined that they had the same circle of friends, attended the same classes, lived in the same house, and participated in the same leisure activities.

Due to the everyday reminder of what they used to have, she became gradually receptive to having him around, and in a short while, they were back together.

I felt that what happened in this scenario wasn’t forgiveness.

It is what happens when two people cannot seem to do without each other.

Perhaps your life seems so intertwined with your boyfriend’s that you can’t seem to bear the thought of life without him.

This may be the reason you are holding your anger at bay.

It just may be the reason.


7. You are already tired of the relationship

why am i not mad at my boyfriend for cheating


This is another viable reason.

Sometimes, you might have gone through so much in a relationship that you are already tired and can’t seem to get yourself to respond with the usual enthusiasm or anger as the case may require.

You may have even been hoping for your boyfriend to give you a good reason to exit the relationship.

So, the betrayal by cheating on you doesn’t strike you as a betrayal.

Instead, it strikes you as an opportunity to leave the relationship.


Final Words

Any of the reasons above may be why you are not mad at your boyfriend for cheating.

Cheating is a big deal; it leaves you feeling inadequate and badly wounded.

Repressing your feelings in this situation won’t help, as you’ll eventually need to face what has happened and deal with it.

Repressed feelings later come back to haunt the individual, and the person might end up with depression and other mental challenges.

The fact that your boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t make you inadequate in any way; the decision to be unfaithful was entirely his.

You are not to be blamed for the choices of an adult.

Also, if it gets too difficult to cope with the emotions from the betrayal, you can consider professional counseling.