So many guys out there struggle to talk about their feelings and problems.
To better understand men’s communication style and emotional needs, you need to answer this question — “Why do guys avoid talking about problems?”.
Many people will attest to noticing that the men they know either change the topic or keep quiet whenever they’re asked about their problems.
Most men do not know how to discuss their problems or express their emotions.
But why is it so?
Looking into this question will help you (and other people who are also asking) understand and deal with the issues that usually stop men from talking about what they feel.
When you start looking into why men do not talk about their problems and how they affect their relationships and lives, you’ll see and understand the general need to process feelings and talk about how you feel.
Although the reasons may vary from one person to the other, some factors can be recurring.
Picking out the most common reasons will go a long way to help proffer solutions for guys who want to speak out more and improve their mental health and relationships.
In this article, we’ll see some of the most common reasons guys don’t talk about their problems, their effects, and some ways to go about it.
Here they are:
Most Common Reasons Guys Avoid Talking About Problems
1. Childhood experiences
Most guys’ inability to open up about their feelings and problems can be traced back to their childhood experiences.
In those formative years, everyone in his life (this includes siblings, parents, role models and guardians) drummed out into his ears that a man is not supposed to cry, express his feelings or talk about his problems.
He was encouraged to hold back and not talk about the feelings that would make him appear weak.
As he grew, he also saw young boys and teenagers like himself who were scolded or shut up for being so expressive.
He and many other boys will grow up to continue avoiding discussing their problems and feelings.
Even as men, they’d stick to the idea because they don’t want confrontation or rejection.
2. Societal pressure
One of the top reasons men keep things to themselves and avoid discussing their problems is societal norms and expectations.
Traditionally, society often stresses the need for men to be strong and act as great role models who anyone can go to whenever they need support.
When a man is in the company of other men, and he expresses his feelings, it’s often seen as a sign of weakness.
They might even tease him and pick on him about it because it’s not a sign of masculinity to them.
So, everyone else but men have needs and should be supported?
That’s rather unfair.
The way society is built, especially in places like Africa, makes people believe that men who cry or talk about their problems are weak.
Such beliefs make men shy away from talking about their problems.
Instead, they’ll choose to work on their problems by themselves.
3. Fear
Some men who do not talk about their problems do so because they feel they’re not well equipped with what it takes to properly express themselves, describe and look for solutions to their problems.
The fear of being unable to pass their message across appropriately keeps them from discussing their problems to avoid feeling humiliated or defeated.
It is important to note that men should be encouraged to talk about their problems to get help and advice from other people.
Talking about one’s struggles can help one better manage difficult situations, especially if the conversation is with someone who knows how to listen and give helpful solutions.
For instance, talking to a counsellor can help them change the ideas in their head and give them better ways to present their problems to attract effective and lasting solutions.
The Side Effects of Men Bottling Up Issues
The reasons stated above can make men suppress their emotions to the point that they begin to lose touch with themselves.
Sadly, when men avoid talking about their problems, they find other ways to let off steam.
These problems keep piling up, and as time goes on, these tacky solutions will become ineffective and, sometimes, harmful to them and other people around them.
In the same vein, the effects can give rise to other adverse responses just because they can’t pinpoint their problem.
Outlined below are some of the effects of not talking about problems.
1. He develops anger issues
When men don’t talk about their problems but keep suppressing and holding them in, the frustration and stress will eventually cause emotional and irrational outbursts.
The outbursts usually come in the form of angry responses and aggressive actions, worsening the conflict and further hurting other people involved.
For instance, let’s picture two people in a relationship taking on the ‘pusher’ and ‘withdrawer’ roles.
The pusher (woman in this situation) will encourage the withdrawer (the man) to always talk about his problems and say how he feels.
If the man doesn’t feel up to it, he can lash out angrily, further destroying the relationship dynamics.
Although men show off anger more, other emotions are hidden by anger.
They include:
- Feeling hurt
- Feeling unwanted
- Feeling rejected
- Feeling afraid
2. He struggles with substance addiction
Some men resort to using substances such as drugs or alcohol to feel good and make up for their inability to face and handle their problems.
The increased dependence on alcohol or drugs as an escape from reality can damage his existing relationships with other people and increase the chances of developing health issues.
Sadly, alcohol and drugs never make the issues go away.
They only worsen them.
3. He suffers a loss of relationships
Often, a man’s unwillingness to talk about problems leads to him losing relationships, as his lack of understanding negatively affects his friends or partner.
Most men who avoid talking about their problems do so for far too long that they are blinded to the effects it has on people who genuinely care about them till these people withdraw from them.
4. He becomes abusive
Like anger, abuse is a side effect of not discussing problems.
When anyone (in this context, men) doesn’t talk about their problems and isn’t willing to work on them with the needed help, it’ll lead to negative feelings piling up inside them.
Over time, feelings bottled up can become so much, looking for an outlet and hard to control.
This will lead to physical, verbal or emotional abuse from the person with the pent-up feelings.
5. He stands a high chance of developing health risks
A person’s state of emotions can affect their physical health directly.
The extra anxiety and stress of bottling up and keeping in emotions can increase the risk of developing health problems such as heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and heart attack.
6. He is unable to seek help
Another common side effect of not talking about problems is being unable to seek help.
Some men sneer at the idea of speaking to a counsellor or therapist.
Merely thinking of opening up to a stranger and talking about everything that bothers them is a no-no for them.
Some others don’t see the need to talk to a therapist and do not understand the benefits.
It’s difficult to surmount this challenge from the outside because once anyone decides that therapy or counselling can’t help them, they’ve successfully blocked a possible treatment means that can improve their health, mentality and relationships.
Conclusion
If you ever asked the question — “Why do guys avoid talking about problems?” I hope that this article helped in providing you with answers.
No one is an island; Everyone needs someone to talk to at every point.
Also, the notion of men being ‘strong’ always has to go.
Men have emotions, and they’re human beings too.
And it’s okay for them to feel, cry, vent, and rant about the problems they’re experiencing and how they feel.
In the end, they also deserve to be comforted.
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