Most romantic relationships see a partner wanting to get a higher level of commitment (marriage) from the relationship.
On the other hand, the other partner may be okay with the relationship at its present level.
In most cases, the woman is the partner who wants more from the relationship, while the man is okay with the current level of the relationship and is dragging his feet about wanting more.
It’s always strange that men are wary of marriage.
Although both men and women benefit from marriage, men seem to get more benefits.
Aside from appearing healthier and happier than bachelors, married men have been acclaimed to live longer and make more money.
Interestingly, men can get the full benefits of marriage from mediocre marriages.
But the story is different for women whose marriage benefits are tied strongly to the quality of their marriages.
Generally, men are more likely than women to opine that getting married is better than going through life as a single person.
Based on all these, it’s expected that men should be the ones showing eagerness for marriage.
Why, then, do they hesitate whenever marriage is mentioned?
Why do guys wait so long to get married?
Let’s see the possible reasons behind this.
“Why Do Guys Wait So Long To Get Married?” – 8 Reasons
1. They can get the benefits of marriage without getting married
Most unmarried men have agreed that their primary reason for dragging their feet regarding marriage is that they can get most of its benefits without marriage.
They can get most of the benefits of marriage through cohabitation.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, cohabitation means ‘to share a home and have a sexual relationship.’
In cohabitation, the woman cooks cleans, does the laundry, warms the man’s bed, and does everything that a wife is meant to do.
The guy will see himself enjoying all the benefits of being married without actually being married.
He can eat his cake and have it at the same time.
Knowing this will make him relax and shy away from the topic of marriage when it comes up.
I mean, if he can have it all now that he’s not married, why make it official?
He’ll see no need for it.
2. No one is pressuring them to get married
Another reason guys wait so long to get married is because no one pressures them.
Okay, maybe one or two people have asked when they plan to settle down and start a family.
But there’s no one else apart from those.
Not their families or friends, and in cases where they are cohabiting, not even the families of the women they’re cohabiting with.
Once there’s no internal or external pressure, achieving something will not be easy.
So, except if a guy pressures himself or is pressured by others to get married, he won’t pull it off.
3. They see marriage as an avenue for increased responsibilities
Some unmarried guys see marriage as an avenue for increased responsibilities, and they’re not ready for the extra responsibilities of marriage.
They’re okay with staying unmarried, catering for themselves and perhaps a few other people.
These types of men associate marriage with a higher possibility of financial loss.
They believe they’ll save more money being single than getting married.
They reason that getting married will give them extra mouth(s) to feed, more people to cater to, and generally, more responsibilities, as mentioned earlier.
So, they prefer remaining single, saving money, and avoiding extra responsibilities.
4. They don’t want to be told what to do
Some men have said that a benefit of not getting married yet is not being told what to do by their girlfriends.
Funny but true.
They said that once they get married, their girlfriends turned wives will order them around and tell them what to do.
This point is particularly amusing because most of the health benefits men enjoy in marriages are tied to their wives telling them what to do.
For instance, a wife can say any of these things to her husband:
“You’ve been working late every night and stressing yourself to the bones. It’s time to get some rest.”
“You need to go to the doctor and get that mole checked.”
“That’s your third beer tonight—why don’t you stop with that?”
In these three instances, the wife looks out for her husband solely for his benefit.
Ironically, unmarried men will shy away from a part of marriage that’ll give them good health and elongate their lifespans.
5. They’re not ready to increase their behavioral commitment
Some men drag their feet about getting married because they believe marriage needs a significant increase in their behavioral commitment.
And they’re not ready to make that transition yet.
Marriage changes men in many ways.
Once a man gets married, he believes that the title of ‘husband’ encompasses everything about his new family.
Consequently, he starts seeing himself as a father, provider, and protector once he gets married.
With this change in identity comes changes in behavior.
For instance, when a man gets married, he works more to make more money, hangs out less with his friends, and spends more time with his new family.
He is forced to become more responsible behaviourally and accountable.
For men, marriage comes with significant identity changes.
And these changes all tilt towards having an increased responsibility to cater to other people.
6. He is not financially ready
Many guys shy away from marriage because they are not financially ready for it.
Most would instead pursue their careers and build wealth because they believe they need a lot of money to sustain their family.
This is not far-fetched, as many families have fallen apart due to financial issues.
The wedding itself would cost a lot to organize, and not to talk about the other bills that come to the man’s table as the head of the family.
Until they feel financially sufficient enough, they may wait to get married.
7. The biological clock favors them
Well, some men delay getting married because they don’t see the need to get married on time.
Unlike women, there is no biological clock ticking against the male gender.
Even at age fifty, he is still able to father a child.
Bearing this in mind will make him nonchalant about getting married; After all, he has other fish to fry.
He knows he can always start a family unhindered whenever he is ready.
8. They want to avoid divorce
Some people are scared of getting married because they don’t want to get a divorce someday.
Yes, people like that exist.
They’re scared of marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reasons.
Perhaps they’ve been scarred by events that happened to people close to them, and they’re scared of going down that road to avoid getting burnt.
It’s a possible reason why guys wait so long to get married.
In this case, they choose to remain single instead of getting married and, after some time, start filing for divorce.
As we all know, divorce is not cheap at all.
So, add the cost of divorce proceedings to the fear of getting married to the wrong person.
Such a trauma!
While this fear is understandable, this type of guy needs to understand that nobody is perfect.
First, he should banish the thoughts of ‘getting into a marriage and getting a divorce later’ from his mind.
He is not perfect in any way, but there’s a woman out there who is willing to love him just the way he is.
He can do the same, too – love an imperfect woman.
But he needs to choose a woman who he can tolerate her excesses.
Then, back it up with proper communication, understanding, love, and forgiveness.
He’ll get it right.
Conclusion
Historically, getting married has brought about a significant change in the behaviors of men and how they view themselves.
Since marriage has been known to be a powerful signal of change in men’s behavior and commitment, it explains the seeming stereotype of women wanting to get married and their men dragging their feet and taking too long on the matter.
Do you know any other reasons guys wait so long to get married?
I’ll be reading in the comments.