Just as roses have thorns, so does marriage.
It is beautiful but has its own ups and downs.
There’ll be disagreements and fights, but there’ll also be make-up, kisses, and sex.
Sex plays a very important role in every marriage—acting as a bonding technique, stress reliever, and an emotional outlet for sorting out some issues between couples.
However, most couples tend to make some mistakes when it comes to sex in their marriage.
In the early years of marriage, getting passionate and intimate won’t be much of a problem.
Some years down the line, things might start getting a bit difficult in the bedroom.
Outlined below are some common mistakes couples make during intimacy.
You really need to read up and avoid them if you’ve not started dabbling into these mistakes already.
But you have nothing to worry about if these mistakes are there because I also attached tips on how to fix them.
It’ll be best for you to read to the end to get maximum value.
7 Common Mistakes Couples Make During Intimacy And How To Fix Them
1. Not getting their partner in the mood for sex
Sometimes, when one partner is in the mood for sex, the other person might not feel like it.
It happens regularly.
But it doesn’t mean that the partner who is in the mood should become annoyed and bear a grudge for the other person because they refuse to indulge.
It also doesn’t call for forceful sex.
That’s rape, and everything is wrong with it.
Partners have the ability to get their spouse in the mood for sex.
They’re partners for various reasons which include knowing how to turn their partner on through words, actions and touches.
Rather than ignore your partner and bear a grudge for them, it’ll be best for you to employ your seduction skills.
Touch their body, engage them in foreplay, kiss, caress, hug, massage, nibble on their neck or ears, cuddle up with them, whisper sweet nothings into their ears, and other stuff like that.
Their bodies will charge up in no time, and they’ll be in the mood for sex before you even realise it.
Sometimes, the sexual intimacy that happens thereafter is one of the most memorable ones ever.
2. Taking each other for granted
One of the common mistakes couples make during intimacy is taking each other for granted.
They feel that their partner will always be available for sexual intimacy whenever they need it.
After all, they’re legally permitted to have sex.
This mindset is common mostly among men.
So, they tend to downplay the importance of sex in marriage.
They treat it too casually and do not put in effort to be connected to their spouse to get in the mood for it.
Also, you’ll find that the passion and effort to satisfy their significant other will be absent.
What’s happening is that they view sex as not so important and treat it as a come-and-go transaction.
So, they engage in it so casually that their partners are left unsatisfied at the end of the encounter.
This will evoke feelings of bitterness, anger, and resentment on the part of the receiving person.
The way out is to start seeing sex for what it really is — an important aspect of marriage.
Treat it as such, too.
Learn to put in effort towards understanding their body and what gives them pleasure.
Don’t forget to be passionate while at it.
Devote time to building and sustaining both an emotional and physical connection with your partner.
When you do, it’ll be easier to get them in the mood and eventually satisfy them in bed.
3. Not praising or paying each other compliments
For sexual intimacy to be fulfilling and satisfying, there has to be a build-up of events that prepares the mind and sets the mood for the activity.
Some people neglect the role of compliments and praise in achieving sexual satisfaction.
Even in bed, they find it hard to praise or compliment their spouse.
It’s difficult for them to say ‘I love you’ to their partner.
Let’s not talk about telling them how their body is perfect and how they are the best thing that happened to them.
They’d rather lie in bed, silent and unresponsive, and still expect to be satisfied.
They do not know that saying these things helps heighten the mood for sex.
It prepares the mind and makes the partner’s body receptive to sexual advances and touches.
Even quickies happen because both partners are aroused and drawn to each other.
So, what draws them to each other?
Pay them compliments, make them blush by praising them, appreciate them, and love and care for them even when sex is the last thing on your mind.
Over time, it creates a feeling of love, affection, and tenderness towards each other.
That way, it won’t be difficult to get in the mood for sex and get maximum satisfaction from it.
4. Being pressured to act a certain way in the bedroom
We live in a digital world where we’re frequently exposed to sexual images and videos.
After viewing these things, some people will feel pressured to act and look a certain way in the bedroom.
They fail to realize that real sex is different from pornography and so put unrealistic expectations on themselves and their spouses.
When they feel that they’ve underperformed, they sink into a world of sadness and may shy away from further intimacy with their spouse.
Real sex requires practice for it to be thoroughly enjoyed by both parties.
Most times, it involves vulnerability and a high level of intimacy between couples.
It’ll be best to approach sex with an open mind.
Have no expectations.
Be fully present, and don’t let anything distract you during sexual intimacy.
Take note of the things that make you feel good and communicate effectively with your spouse.
Your desires, fantasies, and wants are valid.
Also, treat your partner’s desires, fantasies, and wants in the same manner.
Do not judge them. If not, they might recoil into their shell and stop communicating with you about what they want sexually.
5. Lack of foreplay
In line with taking each other for granted, another common mistake couples make during intimacy is not engaging in foreplay.
They rush through sex and finish in a hurry.
Foreplay is an important part of sex and should not be overlooked.
It adds to the fun and excitement of sex.
Especially in women, it helps create a build-up of sexual satisfaction.
Some women are known to reach orgasm when they engage in foreplay.
That’s how powerful and important foreplay is.
Stop skipping foreplay and expecting to be through with sexual intimacy in a matter of minutes.
Except it’s a quickie; you and your spouse have no business rushing through sex as if you’re in a fastness competition or you have a set time that you’re trying to beat.
Sex should be enjoyed and not endured.
Calm down and engage in foreplay.
Then, slowly ease into proper sex.
Get your satisfaction while carrying your partner along.
That’s the way it should be.
6. Not caring for the partner’s satisfaction
Again, I’m pointing accusing fingers at men.
Some women do not get sexual satisfaction whenever they indulge in sex with their husbands.
Men generally reach orgasm before women.
Some men who are selfish will forget about their wives once they get satisfied, leaving the woman high and dry.
It’s all shades of wrong.
No matter when a man climaxes, it’s only right for him to keep pleasuring his wife till she gets satisfied, too.
Sex is an experience that should leave both partners grinning from ear to ear.
It doesn’t sit well that one partner is satisfied while the other is left feeling disgruntled, cranky, and dissatisfied.
7. Not having sex because you’re not in the mood
Being an adult is tiring, and the fatigue and stress that come with it can reduce your sexual desire.
If you’re waiting to have sex when you are less busy and fully pumped with energy, you might be waiting for a long time.
For some people, especially women, arousal comes before desire.
If they get aroused, they’ll be ready to have sex.
Kindly refer to point 1, where I talked about partners helping each other to get in the mood.
No matter the challenges you are facing, if you are able to, it’s advisable to engage in sexual intimacy with your partner from time to time.
It’ll relieve you of stress and help you sleep better at night.
In addition, it’ll help maintain the bond and connection between you and your spouse.
It doesn’t always have to be a full-blown sexual encounter.
Having quickies here and there has never hurt anyone.