What are the reasons you are not romantically attracted to anyone?
You might be asexual but won’t know it — you may feel like you don’t have the attributes of asexuals.
You might be right if you think there’s something wrong with you for not having a romantic attraction to anyone.
There are people like you who lack sexual attraction; surprisingly, many people have difficulty getting into romantic connections and relationships where they’re attracted to their partners.
Several factors can cause this difficulty in feeling romantically attracted to someone.
In this article, we’ll discuss why you are not romantically attracted to anyone and how you can handle it.
The Thought Process Of Attraction
For some people, the times they don’t feel attractive to others or don’t have a romantic attraction to anyone is a phase.
Have you ever noticed that while scrolling through different profiles on dating sites, you find it hard to see your matches who you’ll take on first dates?
Although it can be worrisome, it’s normal to feel this way.
Often, teenagers worry more than adults that lacking romantic attraction is a result of one or more problems.
But that’s not truly the case.
For younger people, it’ll look like the world revolves around romantic attraction (for them, it almost always does), and peer pressure may even worsen the issue.
But as you get more mature and go through long-term relationships, the way you appreciate people will get broader.
You’ll also learn how to recognise and admire some qualities that other people possess, which may not be too evident from the onset.
Or haven’t you noticed that most romantic relationships that continue to be based purely on the original chemistry resulting from physical looks and accompanying sexual desires usually struggle to stand the test of time?
While it’s true that physical looks can be a strong first point of attraction, developing a healthy emotional connection that encompasses honest communication and a loyal and trusting friendship is usually more sustainable than the initial mirage of sexual attraction.
Please, do not join the bandwagon of people with a long list of failed relationships just because they prefer to pick their partners based on certain qualities.
Or don’t you know that some qualities that may appear cute or attractive at the onset of a relationship can develop into unhealthy or harmful behaviours?
Let’s take jealousy as a case study.
At the beginning of the relationship, you might find your partner’s jealousy cute because it makes you feel loved and wanted.
But as time goes on and the jealousy persists, you’ll begin to feel trapped in the relationship.
So, you see?
Although attraction is important in a relationship, it’s not everything.
That being said, there are several possible reasons you are not romantically attracted to anyone.
Let’s look at the three top ones.
7 Top Possible Reasons You Are Not Romantically Attracted To Anyone
1. Asexuality
Top on the list of the possible reasons you are not romantically attracted to anyone is asexuality.
It can be that you’re asexual, meaning you have limited physical or sexual attraction to other people.
When someone is asexual, they do not crave sexual relationships but may find happiness in romantic friendships and relationships with people who share common interests.
It’s not uncommon, so you have nothing to worry about.
Also, asexuality has a lot of variations which include aromantic asexual, as well as other romantic and sexual orientations.
Asexuality has never been and is not a sign of a mental health disorder or medical problem.
There’s no proof anywhere that hormonal or chemical imbalances give rise to asexual behaviour.
For this reason, asexuality is regarded as a justified sexual orientation.
After all, asexual people still possess the ability to enjoy romantic or emotional intimacy and feel platonic attraction.
In case you’re wondering, some asexual people enjoy sex by themselves through masturbation.
Most times, people presume that asexual people do not engage in sexual activity.
It’s not entirely true because not every asexual person is repulsed by sex.
While some might take part in sex as an exercise for physical enjoyment, others may do it for their partner’s pleasure, even if it means nothing to them.
Apart from sexual emotions, asexual people may also be emotionally attracted to other people.
Occasionally, they may show interest in sensuous affection, including holding hands, hugging, kissing, and other attributes of romantic love.
2. The pressure to find the right person
Another possible reason you are not romantically attracted to anyone is that you’re under pressure to find the right partner.
Different people have different reasons for going into long-term relationships or getting married.
You find someone getting married just to satisfy their parents, who want grandchildren.
Another person might desire to get into a sexual relationship and experience romantic attraction because they feel that age is no longer on their side.
Some people are just under societal pressure to be in romantic relationships.
For these various reasons, most people draw up lists of the qualities their potential partners must possess.
However, they fail to consider what they will bring to the relationship.
And that’s why most times, even if they meet someone who ticks all their boxes, they won’t be romantically attracted to the person because they lack what it takes to create a spark with the suitable candidate.
It’s important that while you make a list of the qualities your potential partner will possess, you must also make a list of your positive attributes that other people may find attractive.
3. Depression
Depression is an emotional disorder that can lead to a loss of interest in activities that you enjoyed engaging in previously, issues with your self-esteem, and sadness that may persist.
Although there are various reasons why people go through depression, a common cause is the ending of a relationship.
Losing a romantic relationship can negatively affect your mood, including losing sexual attraction and desire.
Suppressing serotonin levels also affects sex hormones, which are suppressed, affecting libido.
In situations like this, where you’re going through a relationship heartbreak and stop feeling attraction to other people, what you can do is to go out more and engage in enjoyable activities.
For instance, exercise is known to help conquer symptoms of depression.
It can also rekindle romantic attraction in you.
4. History of childhood trauma
People who were raped or sexually molested as children or teenagers could, as a trauma response, not be romantically attracted to the opposite sex.
Similarly, children who grew up in dysfunctional homes and experienced domestic violence may grow to become adults who are not romantically attracted to anyone.
This is basically a trauma response, because they have yet to get over the awful past experiences.
Hence, they can’t associate love and romance with any other feeling asides from pain and anguish due to their unfortunate experience.
Ever heard it said that the mind is the most sensitive sexual organ?
Yes, it is true.
In cases of unresolved trauma, the mind can subconsciously build resistance against romance and romantic relationships.
This can lead to the victims not being attracted romantically to anyone.
5. Stress and anxiety
Have you been stressed lately?
Anxiety and stress can numb you to any form of romantic emotion or attraction.
Just before you think something is wrong with you, remember that physical, mental and emotional stress can affect how you feel and respond to life generally.
For instance, a lady who works round the clock on weekdays and weekends with little time for herself might find that romantic attraction is the last thing on her mind.
The thought of sleep might sound even more romantic to her!
Or a young man who works a 9 to 5, runs a business and cares for a parent with a terminal illness.
This is too much for one person!
The romantic attraction will definitely be the farthest thing from his mind.
Anyway, if this looks like where you are currently, you should identify your stressors and actively seek ways to reduce them.
Detox your mind from the pressures, relax and do what you enjoy.
Do these, and in no time, you will be back!
6. Love gone sour
A person who is healing from being served “breakfast” in a relationship might not be romantically attracted to anyone.
Love is a beautiful feeling, but the fallout could shatter the persons involved.
Although, individuals process breakups differently.
Some are able to move on after a while, but others depending on how hurt they feel could totally shut their hearts against any feeling of love altogether.
It is just like a child who gets burned by fire, they will avoid fire diligently after that experience.
This is just to say that the break-up you experienced could be why you are not romantically attracted to anyone.
7. Not knowing what to attract
Some people are confused about issues of love and romance.
This might result in them not being romantically attracted to anyone.
For some, a broken sense of self affects their self-worth and how they view others.
Some might have been body shamed or have very low self-esteem, which makes them shrink away from love and matters of the heart.
For others, it is learned ideologies from extreme quarters.
For instance, some religions have extreme beliefs about love, which could affect how their devout followers view and experience love.
Similarly, for some, it is cultural.
They are taught that love is non-existent and people only get married to build their family tree.
These ideologies can confuse the person and make it hard for them to get romantically attracted to anyone.
What To Do: Seek Professional Help
If you’re experiencing asexuality, depression, stress or dealing with past trauma, you should seek professional help.
When discussing your concerns and challenges with a counsellor or therapist, don’t hold any information back, as it’ll help determine the type of help you need.
Conclusion
Not being romantically attracted to anyone can feel weird.
And this feeling can either be a phase you’re going through in your life or a deep-seated orientation.
You can help yourself overcome this problem by interacting with people and concentrating on developing deep friendships with people who you have platonic attraction for.
Although being free from not being romantically attracted to anyone can be challenging, you can get through it with determination.
I also want you to know that it’s not a do-or-die affair; feelings of desire, romance and attraction are just a part of life.
Life doesn’t revolve around them, but they’re necessary.
So, don’t feel too bad if you’re not making as much progress as expected with the healing process.
You can work with a therapist or counsellor to help you overcome these difficult emotions and move on to being a more confident and loving version of yourself.