Being in love with your spouse while being married to them is so beautiful.
It’s a wholesome experience that I think is not talked about as much as it should.
Some people stay married due to their marital obligations, but count yourself lucky if you and your spouse genuinely love each other, even in marriage.
Not only have you bagged yourself a worthy best friend, you’ve also gotten yourself a lifetime companion.
Congratulations are truly in order for you.
Believe me, it’s not an easy feat.
However, being in love is not a guarantee that there won’t be ups and downs in your marriage.
The arguments, disagreements, and fights will come.
How you handle them matters a lot.
Somehow, if care is not taken, hate can seep into a marriage that was once peaceful and loving.
One of the partners (in this case, the man) may find himself despising his wife.
For reasons best known to him, he may keep it a secret and keep putting up a happy and loving facade.
So, how will you, as a woman, discover if this is happening in your marriage?
How will you know if your husband despises you secretly?
Let’s take a look at some of the signs a man secretly despises his wife.
7 Signs A Man Secretly Despises His Wife
1. He waves off her achievements
The approach he has towards her achievements is dismissive rather than enthusiastic.
It’s expected that a man will be genuinely happy for and proud of his wife’s achievements.
A man who secretly despises his wife will try to be happy for her.
Or at least, he pretends to be.
But you can see how unreal his happiness is.
Such an attitude may be triggered by jealousy.
He might despise her because she’s more successful than him.
She’s doing better than him, and it’s evident.
He can’t handle that fact, which births his hatred for her.
For instance, let’s look at a woman who started climbing the ladder of her career, and her husband was supportive of her from the beginning.
She grows by leaps and bounds in no time.
Now, she has become super successful and is a force to reckon with in her industry.
But her success has begun to intimidate her husband.
He feels jealous of her and threatened that she’s more successful than him.
She’s the perfect representation of everything he’s not and aspires to be.
From the onset, he wanted her to be successful, but not more than him.
That may be why he despises her secretly.
2. He treats her with passive aggression
One of the signs a man secretly despises his wife is if he treats her with passive aggression.
Passive aggression is a sign that something is wrong, but instead of talking about it, he prefers to cover it up.
Simply put, he’ll be sabotaging her efforts even after agreeing to work together with her.
She wakes up on different days to different versions of her husband.
Some days, he gives her the silent treatment for no just cause.
Other times, he’s either procrastinating on things that he knows are important to her or is making intentional mistakes to ruin her efforts.
Such a man will also be fond of paying backhanded compliments to his wife.
All these passive-aggressive traits point to the fact that he secretly despises her.
3. His character fluctuates around her
The character of a man who secretly despises his wife will fluctuate around her.
Like in point 2 above, she will not be sure of his mood and temperament at any point.
Sometimes, he’s nice, calm, peaceful, loving, sweet, romantic, and mushy with her.
Other times, she can’t even recognize him as the man with whom she fell in love and got married.
One minute, they’re happy, falling over each other, laughing, and throwing banter.
The next, he’s snapping so rudely and angrily at her, and she’s wondering if she did anything wrong to deserve such treatment.
The truth is that he’s struggling with keeping his hatred for her a secret.
He’ll slip up sometimes and say those things that have been on his mind.
They’re things he’s been meaning to say to her and portray exactly how he feels towards her.
When he realizes himself, he’ll try to cover it up and go back to pretending that all is well between both of them.
In this case, paying attention to details is important if you want to know how your husband truly feels towards you.
4. He defends everyone but her
Have you noticed that your husband defends and makes excuses for everyone else except you- his wife?
It is one of the signs a man secretly despises his wife.
You’ll notice that whenever you are having problems with anyone, even without hearing the full story of what happened, your husband will conclude that the problem is coming from you.
He is biased in his judgment because he despises you.
This hatred he has for you can stem from accumulated issues that have been left unattended for a very long time.
He resents you for these unresolved issues.
It’s good to address trash issues as they arise; that way, they’ll be gone for good instead of being swept under the carpet.
They will keep piling up until your husband can no longer bear it.
It’ll definitely look for an outlet, and since conversation is out of the question, it’ll manifest as resentment towards you.
5. He acts uninterested whenever he’s with his wife
In line with point 4 above, whenever a man who secretly despises his wife is seen in the same space with her, his body language will be screaming ‘uninterested.’
Whenever he’s around his wife, he acts like he’s forced to be there.
He’ll always act aloof, and won’t show any interest in whatever the wife is doing or saying.
The idea of eating together, having family time, and generally bonding as a couple has flown out of the window since he started displaying this character.
He looks like he’s ready to run away from that environment at any opportunity he gets.
It’s as if his wife’s presence makes his skin crawl, which makes him super uncomfortable whenever he’s around her.
If your husband has started acting like this toward you, it’s one of the signs that he secretly despises you.
6. He compares his wife to other women
Aha!
You see this one right here – comparing his wife to other women?
It is the mother of them all.
The moment a man starts comparing his wife to other women, it’ll take a lot to get him to snap out of such an attitude.
It is also a confirmation that he has underlying problems with her that are making him despise her secretly.
Nothing she does will ever be good enough for him again.
Then, the endless complaints and nagging will start.
If he’s not whining about how she spends so much money on so little things, he’ll have a problem with her cooking.
The list goes on.
From that point, there’s nothing his wife will do that will be pleasing to him.
He’ll always try to dampen her efforts with destructive criticism and make her feel less than she is.
He’s doing all of this because he secretly despises her.
7. He’s no longer attracted to his wife
When a man secretly despises his wife, he begins to lose his love, affection, and attraction for her.
He’ll no longer find her appealing and, as such, will no longer be attracted to her sexually.
Normally, everything about her will start making him angry, so the hate will suffocate whatever feelings of sexual attraction he has for her.
Expect such a man to shy away from being sexually intimate with his wife.
He may suddenly opt to move into a separate room that’s different from their matrimonial bedroom.
Even when the wife makes a move for intimacy, he won’t give in to her request.
He’ll either complain of feeling sleepy, being tired or outrightly shut her down.
And the wife will be in the dark about why her husband is no longer interested in being intimate with her.
She just hasn’t found out that he despises her.