When Your Husband Says He Hates You: 10 Things It Means

The words “I hate you!” are one of the most heartbreaking words you can say to anyone at all.

How much more someone who has a relationship with you?

Your spouse?

I have seen and heard tales of husbands who act mean, but when he says he hates you outrightly, that is taking it to the next level.

In this article, we will be looking at what it means when your husband says he hates you.

When Your Husband Says He Hates You: 10 Things It Means

1. He hates you

When Your Husband Says He Hates You

Words are an expression of what is in our hearts, and our words mirror our hearts.

When your husband says he hates you, it may mean exactly what he said.

He hates you, ‘shikena’ (finish).

While this is not a pretty place to be, it is important to recognize the situation and align where necessary.

If your husband is constantly giving you energy and vibes of hatred, and he can’t stand you any longer, it is best to come to terms with it rather than live in denial.

It is evident in how he acts allergic to your presence, how he shouts at you, insults or criticizes you and how he even hits you.

What’s the reason for his hatred?

It may be due to external or internal factors, but asking him may help unravel the mystery.

Does it mean that your relationship has come to an end?

Not necessarily, but if he is willing, whatever took the hit in your relationship might still be fixable.

Think of a time you loved a meal so much that you could eat it thrice daily.

Now imagine that something affects your love for this meal, and your once favorite meal becomes your less preferred one.

It is the same here.

Hatred is an emotion, and different realities sponsor our emotions.

If circumstances change, he may change, too.

However, you need to think of ways of protecting yourself.


2. He hates himself/ blame trading

When Your Husband Says He Hates You

Self-hate loves to hide; like Nigerians like to say, “Werey dey disguise.

The façade of self-hate is that it makes others feel like they are the problem. 

Your husband may be experiencing self-hatred, which makes him have outbursts like this.

He may be going through something he feels terrible about or lost someone and blames himself for it.

He may transfer aggression to the people closest to him in this state.

In this case, that is you.

He doesn’t necessarily hate you, but he is overwhelmed by his anger towards himself and lashes out at you.

Don’t they say that hurting people hurt others?

I must say that this is a delicate situation to be in, and your husband needs therapy so he can get better. 


3. He was joking

I have seen movies where people say, “I hate you!” jokingly.

If the context of your husband saying this was in a lighthearted discussion or banter, it may just be a joke.

However, if you feel uneasy about it, you should tell him how it made you feel.


4. He is a narcissist

Narcissists are award-winning manipulators!

If your husband is fond of manipulating and gaslighting you, these weighty words may be his game plan to get you to do what he wants.

Many times, narcissists play reverse psychology on their victims to make them do what they want.

If this is the case, these are not mere words but your husband’s way of getting into your head and heart.


5. He regrets marrying you

When Your Husband Says He Hates You

When a husband says he hates his wife, many questions are begging for answers.

Does he mean he hates her or her as his wife?

Does he hate their marriage?

The truth is that a man may get to this point if he has regrets in his heart about his marriage.

Perhaps marriage has been very challenging, or things took a plunge after the marriage, and he now feels stuck.

I recommend that you both see a professional marriage counselor to help you navigate the issues.


6. He is depressed

This is not to justify his outburst, but your husband may be depressed.

He uttered those words because he is experiencing a lot within himself, and he is reaching a tipping point.

I highly recommend therapy.


7. It was a careless outburst

When Your Husband Says He Hates You

Words are so powerful and so fickle, too.

In a shabbily thought-out situation, a word capable of wrecking worlds may slip out.

One such is “I hate you!”

Your husband likely didn’t mean it, but it was a thoughtless expression.

In this case, as soon as he uttered it and realized what he said, he would be apologetic because it only slipped out.

It may have been that you both had a disagreement, and you are the more assertive person.

Maybe he felt cheated and, in an unguarded moment, said that he hates you.

This is very painful, but you need to consider forgiving him and setting clear boundaries in your relationship regarding how you should be treated.


8. He was being emotional

Your husband might have been angry when he said that he hates you.

His anger clouded his sense of reasoning and made him spew such terrible words at you.

It is important for him to learn to control his emotions and for both of you to navigate and settle this conflict amicably.

Honestly, in a conflict, each party always feels like they are right and more reasonable than the other, but if care is not taken, an anthill can quickly escalate into a mountain.

This is why it is essential for couples to learn conflict resolution as a life skill.

I remember the days my husband would annoy me, and I would say things I later regretted.

In the moment of upset, I couldn’t see past my emotions, and it was easy to want my own pound of flesh.

However, as I grew in understanding and improved my conflict resolution skills, I became more intentionally calm during the conflict to avoid escalating.

I stopped saying how I felt without processing them first, which made a difference in our relationship.


9. He is trying to annoy you

Many people don’t see this coming, but I have met people who are literal pains in the butt.

They’d say or do things just to get you frustrated or to react.

It is annoying, and for the most time, I feel like it is childish.

Your husband may be only trying to get under your skin but uttering words that feel like a slap to your face.


10. His affections have gone to another

When Your Husband Says He Hates You


When people utter the golden words “I love you,” it is usually because of how they feel towards you and the affection in their hearts.

However, when love turns to hatred, one indication may be that they now have a new love.

Perhaps your husband now has a side chick to whom he pours out his love, and he sees you as an obstacle to pursuing more with her.

His affections are no longer with you.

It is sad and unfortunate for someone you love to utter unkind words so brazenly at you.

However, I must point out that when your husband says he hates you, it may be more about him than you.

This doesn’t justify his actions.

But you may want to look into counseling or therapy professionally for him or both of you.

However, the ball is also in his court because two cannot walk unless they agree.

If his outburst is a one-off situation, it can be discussed and sorted, but if he constantly says he hates you, then you need to make decisions about your future.

Similarly, if he adds actions to his words and abuses you in any way, my simple advice is; “Leave to Live!”

All the best.


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