I won’t particularly say that I dreamt so much about or looked forward to getting married at any point in my life.
All I can remember were momentary girly imaginations of what my future would be like with a family of my own.
But when marriage came knocking on my door, I started preparing myself for it.
I asked questions and read a lot of marriage books.
I also took into consideration, the stories and experiences of older family members and friends in their various marriages.
Right now, I’m married, and I can say that so far, it’s been so good.
However, a lot has happened in the short time I’ve been married that has made me see things and myself differently.
These are things that I viewed differently when I was single.
I unlearned and relearned some things about myself in the process.
Now, I can say that I have a better perspective, having tasted both the single and married worlds.
So, I’ll be sharing some of the things I never knew about myself until I got married.
6 Things I Never Knew About Myself Until I Got Married
1. My personal space means a lot to me
One thing I never knew about myself until I got married is that I value my personal space.
At this point in my life, I’ve realized that personal space is everything.
I used to think that when I got married, I’d want to spend each passing moment with my husband.
However, I don’t think that any normal person would want that.
Everyone needs some time to themselves from time to time.
News flash!
The moment you get married, the time you spend with yourself is no longer a right but a luxury.
When I was single, I guess I was more open to spending time with people than now.
Away from work and spending quality time with my spouse, I really look forward to some ‘me time.’
While there are activities we both engage in together as a couple, there are others we have agreed to enjoy separately as individuals.
I’ve long developed some routine for whenever my husband is out of the house, and I have the house all to myself.
I play some cool music and stuff myself with biscuits and cakes while doing my daily activities.
It’s my own way of making my ‘me times’ special.
2. I’m very particular about financial stability in women
While I was single, I underrated my love for women being financially stable.
Back then, you could see me arguing in favor of women who had little or nothing to do but went ahead to get married to rich men.
Emphasis on the rich men, please.
They need them to fund their lifestyles and save up some money.
While I didn’t see myself being that kind of woman in the future, I didn’t have any problem with any woman who dreamt to be in such situation.
Well, my future is here, and I can see more clearly now.
And I can tell you that while I’m still not that woman, I frown heavily at women who aspire to be such.
Now, I’m an advocate of women having sources of income and being more for themselves.
If I perceive any woman around me as too laid-back and waiting on a man to always give her handouts, I’ll start preaching the good news of being financially stable as a woman to her.
Yes.
It has gotten to that level for me, and while I’m surprised at myself, I’ll say that I’m proud of what I’m doing and the impact it’s causing.
Who would have thought that I’d be a campaigner for financial stability in women?
I can say that marriage happened and brought out that side of me.
3. I’m capable of making sacrifices for love
One of the things I never knew about myself until I got married is that I’m capable of giving up or sacrificing a lot for the sake of love once I’m getting it genuinely.
I’ve always felt like a hard girl.
People saw me as someone who had an impenetrable personality.
I find it very easy to let go and walk away from situations that are not suitable for me.
For me, there are no middle ground in things.
It’s either I’m all in, or I’m all out.
There’s no room for negotiations.
That was my approach towards life, and it cost me several relationships and friendships.
Then, I got married and started calming down.
I saw myself opting for dialogues and peace talks.
Now, I’m very open to negotiating with my husband and striking a compromise on difficult issues that will benefit both of us.
It doesn’t matter what I want at the moment.
All that matters to me is the peace and happiness in my marriage.
Once it’s not tampered with, and the relationship between myself and my husband is not toxic, I’m fine.
I guess that’s what being loved genuinely and wholly does to someone.
4. I don’t like regular body contact
I never knew I was not a fan of body contact until I married.
Body contact for long irks me.
I used to think that it was a single person’s thing and that every married person should enjoy having bodily contact with their spouse.
You know, cuddling, hugging constantly, and doing other stuff like that with your spouse.
When my friends were all about giving hugs, I wasn’t too comfortable, but I felt that it would change with the ‘right person.’
Now, I’m living with the right person, and nothing is still right about regular or constant body contact.
Lol.
Well, let’s just say I figured that it’s not just one of my love languages.
It can even be that it’s at the extreme of the list of love languages for me.
As shocking as it was for me to discover that I truly do not like body contact, I’ve made my peace with it and moved on to exploring the other love languages that I’m comfortable with.
5. I’m a fan of returning energies
When I was single, I passed up a lot on people and the energies they give off.
I mean, I couldn’t care less about whether you like me or not.
If we have any dealings together, let’s get it over with and then go our separate ways.
Now, I’ve come to realize that I’m a strong believer in returning whatever energy I get in equal measure.
I guess being integrated into a new family with different people who act differently helped open my eyes more to the concept of energies and the act of returning them appropriately.
Not only has it made me conscious of my interactions with different people, but it has also helped me establish strict boundaries where and when necessary.
These days, I’ve mastered the act of keeping my antenna high to detect the various energies I’m getting from different people.
I know how to read the room and act accordingly.
6. I’m not clingy
Before marriage, my relationship with my husband was a long-distance one.
We tried to bridge the gap by texting and talking on the phone constantly.
I usually looked forward to waking up to his texts or calls.
Due to all the excitement I used to feel about hearing from him, I assumed that I was the clingy type.
Color me surprised when I noticed that I wasn’t.
In fact, I’m not a clingy person, and I don’t like anyone acting clingy towards me.
It creeps me out.
Even if my husband and I spend days or weeks apart, we’re all over each other for a few days whenever we reunite.
Just give me a few days, and I’ll be back to factory reset settings.
Lol.
He already knows, and I’m thankful for the fact that he’s not a clingy person, either.
So, I’m well excused.
I like to think of marriage as a school that amplifies many things about a person.
Just like our other relationships rub off on us in different ways, marital relationships can cause us to evolve too.
However, what is most important is that you are becoming a better version of yourself and that you are also very self-aware.