If you gather a hundred women and ask them something they wish they could change about their husbands, I’m willing to bet many of them will mention that they wish their husbands listened more.
If you ask men the same question, they will likely say they wish their wives stopped raising their voices.
Well, this is a dilemma when you consider it logically.
Women will probably say, “If you want me not to raise my voice, then you need to listen to me when I speak.”
And men will likely respond, “If you want me to listen, stop raising your voice.”
On and on, it goes like an endless loop.
But is this an impossible situation?
No, it’s not.
As a woman, you can learn to make your husband listen to you more without raising your voice; you just need to learn the trick.
In this article, I will teach you effective ways to navigate this issue, save yourself the stress of yelling, and also get your husband to listen to you.
Let’s get right to it.
How To Make Your Husband Listen To You Without Raising Your Voice
1. Choose the Best Time
I understand how you want to address an issue immediately after it happens or when you think about it.
Still, you need to learn to delay communication until it’s most appropriate.
You’ll be wasting your time discussing with him when the children are raining fire down around the house or when he’s watching sports.
He doesn’t want to discuss any issue then; he wants to watch football.
I know how this feels, and I bet you do, too; if you call me for a discussion while watching Love Is Blind, I may not listen.
I just want to be left alone to enjoy my show.
It’s the same way you shouldn’t be taking chances with important issues when it’s clear he’s focused on something else or distracted by noise.
Wait until he’s done with his show and the children are asleep, where you can talk without distractions.
Another wrong time women tend to speak to their men is when they just get back home.
Chances are he is tired and hungry; no one is likely to listen to you in that condition.
He’s just coming in from a long day at work; let him rest. It can wait if it’s not a matter of life and death.
Otherwise, you will frustrate him, and he’ll likely never listen.
Let him know he’s coming home to relax, not be in front of the jury or have to handle tough conversations.
Then, when he’s well-rested, you can bring up whatever issue.
You can also let him choose the best time.
That way, you’ll give him the power and make him feel more in control of the situation.
Instead of saying, “I want to speak to you about the children’s school tonight,” you could say, “When will be the best time for us to speak about the children’s school?”
In the latter case, you’re letting him choose a good time, which puts him in the right state of mind to be involved in the conversation.
2. Listen to Him
You will likely not get someone to do something when you don’t do the same for them.
Similarly, if you don’t listen to your husband, you shouldn’t require him to do the same.
Before you get defensive, do an honest introspection.
Do you listen to understand his perspective or wait for your turn to speak?
If you’re doing the latter, you are not listening; you just want to talk and be heard.
Adjusting your approach will go a long way.
After he’s done talking, pause, paraphrase what you think he’s saying, and let him affirm or deny if that’s what he means.
That way, you can be on the same page and teach him – through your actions – how to listen.
Also, you all may be on the same page, but you don’t even know that because you aren’t listening.
3. Be Concise and Stay on Topic
Men are likely to zone you out when you’re blabbering instead of staying on the topic.
If you want to talk about the children’s school, don’t jump to issues about the bills.
Do you want to speak to him about bills?
Don’t include children’s school.
Stick to one issue at a time, and you’ll be more concise.
Additionally, don’t drag up matters from the past, especially when they have nothing to do with the discussion at hand; stay on course.
When you’re done saying your piece, allow him to tell his.
Then, you can find a middle ground and a reasonable solution.
Otherwise, what’s the point of the conversation when only your voice is heard?
You won’t arrive at a logical conclusion, and when the issue persists, it might force you to raise your voice, leading to that endless loop I spoke about earlier.
4. Avoid Accusations and Blame
Accusation makes people defensive, and it achieves nothing.
I don’t know why we do that, but we seem to.
When we are accused – even when we know we are wrong – most of us will likely get on the defensive instead of admitting our wrongs.
Now, we can bicker about the psychology of that or choose a proper compromise that gives us results.
What’s the point of getting psychoanalytic when it gets you nothing?
Your husband still doesn’t listen to you, and you constantly yell, thus making the home atmosphere tense.
I know you want a better option, and that’s why you are reading this.
So, change your approach instead of trying to get your husband to admit his wrong when accused.
Focus on your emotions and how you see the matter from your position.
This way, your husband will not feel like he’s on trial.
One effective way to do this is to use more “I” statements instead of “you.”
For example, don’t say, “You don’t listen to me when I talk to you.”
“You don’t help around the house and leave everything to me.”
“You have not mowed the yard even after I told you to last week.”
Instead, say, “I wish you’d listen to me more when I talk to you.”
“I feel tired when I have to handle all the house chores alone without help.”
“I feel frustrated because the yard has not been mowed since last week.”
By focusing on your feelings, he’d be more empathetic and ready to listen rather than be defensive.
Also, when you are the one in the wrong, readily accept your fault so he does not feel like he never does anything right and you’re never wrong.
5. Speak to Him Respectfully
If there’s one thing men across the universe agree on, it’s their need for respect.
So, you’ll be better off getting your husband to listen when you respectfully speak to him.
But besides that, nobody loves disrespect.
Even a woman would likely not respond favorably when she is spoken to, as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing.
Yes, you might be more intelligent than he is, but he is not a fool, nor is he a child.
Don’t speak to him like you would your toddler; it’s the least effective way to communicate with someone.
I understand that it can be frustrating when he doesn’t get something the way you would expect him to.
You should still communicate respectfully because if you don’t, he’d likely shut down, which would force you to yell.
6. Learn His Conflict Resolution Language
Just like we learn our partner’s love language, we must also learn their conflict resolution language.
Some people prefer to discuss issues immediately after they occur, while others like to discuss them after they’ve eaten.
Others yet prefer to talk about it after they’ve had time to sleep on it.
So, learn what your husband prefers and respect it.
If he wants to take his time to think about an issue before replying to you, let him do that.
Again, if it’s not life and death, things can wait.
7. Allow Him Time to Process the Information
As I said earlier, some people need time to process information, and if you don’t give them that time, it would be like forcing food into the mouth of a picky eater.
Remember that your home is not a military cantonment where you bark orders at your junior soldiers and expect them to act immediately.
If he needs time, you should be able to give it to him.
And it’s easy to know when he does.
If he often doesn’t respond to issues immediately, it shows that he likes introspection before making a decision.
For instance, my husband is logical and likes to take his time to process information, and I have learned to understand him.
Showing this understanding reduces the urge to yell and makes him see me as less controlling.
Husbands are more likely to listen if they don’t feel like they are being controlled.
8. Avoid Nagging
Nagging has been found not to work.
Instead, it makes your man resent you.
Rather than nagging, talk to him about an issue and then appreciate what he’s doing well.
Yelling to the air now and then that he has yet to mow the yard will not make him do it.
Discussing how it makes you feel when he doesn’t will get you a better result.
9. Let Some Things Go
Pick your battles.
Not every single thing is worth discussing.
If you had to discuss every matter and get upset over everything that happens in marriage, no home would be happy.
Happy couples will tell you some secrets to a happy home: ignoring some things, picking your battles, and learning to agree to disagree.
If it’s not a big deal and doesn’t significantly affect the family, it can be overlooked, and compromises can be reached.
10. When He Doesn’t Respond in the Way You Expect… BREATHE!
You and your husband are different individuals.
Therefore, you cannot respond to situations the same way.
While you’re allowed to respond in your approved style to a certain issue, don’t project that on your husband.
Understanding this will save you from disappointment.
You need to prepare that he may not respond the way you expect, and that’s OKAY.
Don’t be quick to fly off the handle or hurl unsavory words at him for that.
Take deep breaths; when you are calmer, talk to him about it and seek feedback.
Funny enough, he may have better recommendations for you (What’s that thing they say about two heads being better than one?).
You’ll gain his respect this way.
11. Earn His Respect
Last but not the least, earn his respect.
It is easy to heed to someone you respect.
Sometimes, husbands don’t listen to their wives because they don’t respect them enough.
This is a hard pill to swallow, but respect is not forceful… it is earned.
So, instead of stressing over it, earn his respect.
You’d find that he would concede to you more and may tell you to go ahead with some things without further discussion.
The bottom line is that you should always seek to use approaches that would work rather than ones that would waste your time and achieve nothing.
Since you’ve noticed that your previous method doesn’t get your husband to listen and makes you raise your voice more, you should change it and consider these strategies for a more peaceful home.