If you sampled a group of people together and asked them to list things that can ruin a relationship, most of them will say cheating or infidelity right off the bat.
However, I believe the reason is that many people consider cheating as the worst thing that can happen to a marriage.
I am not knocking that off, so don’t get me wrong.
What I am saying is that, in reality, there are other subtle and not-so-subtle things that are sharper poison than infidelity.
While unfaithfulness is definitely terrible, we need to also figure out these other things that can ruin a relationship.
Or else, we would be so focused on cheating that many relationships would be ruined by these other things and not even know them.
That’s why this article exists.
We will look at those other things we don’t often focus on but can ruin a relationship faster than cheating.
8 Things That Ruin A Relationship Faster Than Cheating
1. Lack Of Communication
People are probably tired of hearing about how communication helps with relationships.
But it is worth repeating because people don’t understand its importance enough.
As someone who has had a good relationship ruined by a lack of communication, trust me when I say that nothing wrecks a relationship faster than two people who don’t talk—or worse, who talk but never actually listen.
It sounds like a small thing, but when it actually breeds so many convoluted misunderstandings, you would understand that things might have been better if the couple had just talked.
Communication can mean different things, and each of what it means is essential for any relationship to thrive.
Yes, it is about sharing your day and talking about the most random things—your bad or good day at work, what you saw on your way to work that interested you, the coworker who annoyed you, the one who helped you—basically random things.
Communication is also about expressing your needs, discussing vital issues, and feeling heard.
You must talk about anything that matters to the success of your relationship – goals, plans, displeasure, misunderstandings, conflict, and so on.
Ask questions when you don’t understand something, and let your partner know when you love something.
Don’t sweep things under the rug, especially if they are important to you.
Also, make sure to listen and hear each other.
Don’t shut down your partner and instead seek to understand them.
That is the only way to prevent resentment from building and misunderstandings from multiplying.
2. Abuse
I remember my friend telling me cheating is not a deal breaker for her as long as it is not emotional and her partner is remorseful and willing to put in the work to repair what was lost.
According to her, abuse is her major deal breaker because it will affect her more directly.
Her explanation made sense to me, but you see, even if you don’t completely agree with my friend, I think abuse is a big poison, albeit a slow one.
Like my friend explained, it is the biggest relationship killer because it doesn’t only affect the relationship, it destroys the victim as well.
Abuse of any kind – physical, emotional, or verbal – can eat at the core of who you are as a person.
That is why love and abuse cannot coexist, no matter how much anyone tries to justify it.
If one partner is controlling, manipulative, or harmful, it makes the relationship toxic and the victim traumatized.
Even if the couple are still together, the relationship is practically ruined because I’m sure you agree that a toxic relationship is no relationship.
3. Addiction
The problem with addiction is that it doesn’t just affect the person struggling with it; it affects the entire relationship.
Any kind of abuse – substance, gambling, or even excessive screen time – shifts the focus of the person struggling with it to what they are addicted to.
Happy relationships require that your partner is your priority, but addicted people become consumed by their vice.
For that reason, they often neglect responsibilities and break their promises to their partner.
Besides that, it is heartbreaking seeing someone you love become a shadow of themselves due to addiction.
4. Lies
I initially wrote dishonesty, but I don’t think it will hit as hard as saying lies because the latter sounds more profound.
It really communicates how terrible dishonesty can be in a relationship.
No matter how small it is, lies create distrust and make one’s partner start living in doubt and suspicion.
And one day, they are bound to get tired of double-checking everything their partner says.
Even the supposedly “harmless” white lies can make your partner feel betrayed.
For white lies, people often excuse it as trying to protect their partner, but I always say they should put themselves in their partner’s shoes.
There can only be justification – to some extent – if you would be okay with your partner doing that same thing to you.
If not, you are deceiving your partner no matter what you say.
And the thing about truth is that it doesn’t stay hidden forever; it finds its way out.
When it does, it’s only a matter of time before your partner stops believing anything you say.
If your partner can’t even trust your word, I don’t know if you have a relationship.
5. Jealousy
According to a famous Bible passage about love, love is not jealous.
So, if someone is jealous of their partner, it is safe to say they don’t love them.
Usually, a healthy couple should be excited about the other’s progress and even see it as theirs.
Ideally, when your partner is promoted, it should excite you so much that you see it as you being promoted.
However, when one person sees the other as a competition, it is only a matter of time before they start acting out and even actively sabotaging the other person.
In the end, no relationship will be able to stand that.
6. Contempt
You’d expect that a relationship will be without contempt, but that’s not often the case.
In some instances, some relationships are ridden with constant and harsh criticism, sarcasm, and eye-rolling.
If you have that, no prophecy is needed that the relationship is headed for the rocks if nothing is done.
Contempt usually comes from resentment – when one partner has piled up hurt for whatever reason.
It also happens when one party suffers from a superiority complex and belittles their partner.
Over time, all these will get frustrating as no one wants to walk on eggshells in their relationship.
Everybody wants a relationship with mutual respect, where each party values, loves, and honors the other.
If that’s missing and nothing is done, it can destroy the relationship.
7. Uncompromising
Relationships require give and take; both parties should give and receive in equal measure.
When that’s not the case and one or both partners refuse to compromise, the person always giving in will soon become resentful, or you will both become frustrated.
If there is love, couples should always seek how to shift ground for the other, especially on issues that are not life and death or don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
For instance, would it seriously matter if you had rice instead of pasta or if the room is painted blue instead of green?
You might think this is ridiculous but that’s what some people insist on and stubbornly refuse to shift ground on.
Is it really worth it to win those kind of arguments always?
On the other hand, you shouldn’t be the only one shifting ground,, or you will soon resent your partner.
Again, relationships are about giving and taking; both should be giving, and both should be taking.
While no one can give you a formula, happy couples know how to meet each other halfway.
8. Inability To Fight Healthily
Arguments are inevitable in relationships, but how you fight makes all the difference.
Screaming at each other, calling each other names, resorting to silent treatment, and bringing up old conflicts are not healthy ways to fight.
They make conflicts worse and the relationship toxic.
Any time there is disagreement, approach it from the angle of finding a solution and not hurting your partner because you are hurt or offended.
You must learn to communicate calmly, listen, and respect each other’s feelings when arguing.
Always fight in a way that strengthens the relationship instead of tearing it down.
Those who don’t will soon see their relationship become a shadow of itself and eventually ruined because fighting badly drains both parties emotionally.