“Why am I attracted to troubled guys?”
First of all, that’s a big question.
As expected, the answer is not anywhere near simple.
Are you wondering why you’re attracted to troubled guys?
In this context, ‘troubled’ refers to controlling, demanding, and abusive.
This article will discuss some reasons behind it.
Without further ado, let’s dive in.
“Why Am I Attracted To Troubled Guys?”: 8 Reasons
1. You’re power-thirsty
You’re probably attracted to troubled guys because you’re thirsty for power.
Knowing that someone needs you gives you some power over them.
Some people need to feel powerful, mainly because they’re insecure.
Are you drawing your power from your hold over a guy who can’t take care of himself emotionally?
You’re getting power in exchange for peace of mind.
And that’s undoubtedly a huge price to pay for power.
2. You have a low self-esteem
If you’re attracted to troubled guys, it might be because you have low self-esteem.
Having low self-esteem includes not feeling loved, not feeling good about yourself, and not feeling effective enough for other people to want to be with you, among many others.
Your low self-esteem may come from a perceived absence of success when you compare yourself to others.
It can also be hinged on your lack of good looks or any form of physical body deficiencies.
You feel that you’re not good enough and so don’t deserve the best or even any good.
And that’s why you settle for the barest minimum in the people you let into your life – friends, and in this case, love interest or lover.
It could also be a result of unhealed childhood trauma.
Maybe you came from a dysfunctional family, had an absentee dad, or were abused early.
The wounds of the past have left their scars and stigma; you find it hard to envision anything better because you are stuck in the past, sadly.
You need to seek a professional therapist to walk you through the process of healing, forgiveness, and self-awareness.
3. You’re looking for a distraction
One of the reasons why you’re attracted to troubled guys is that you’re looking for a distraction from the unresolved issues in your life.
I know they say that opposites attract, but this isn’t always true.
Likes also attract.
As a trend, troubled people always meet each other.
Are you troubled?
If your answer is yes, then that explains it.
You’re part of the people who don’t want to or don’t know how to handle their inner issues.
Instead of dealing with your problems, you find a fellow troubled person (in this case, a guy, because you’ll give him the impression that you are in a relationship) and turn him into a project.
You’ll bury yourself in this project and be consumed with it only as an escape from dealing with your problems.
Even if you want to address your issues, you won’t have the energy or time because your project has taken it all.
4. You’re too empathetic
If you’re constantly attracted to troubled guys, it can be because you’re too empathetic.
Although being an empath (feeling what others feel) is a gift, too much of everything is still bad.
That hasn’t changed.
Troubled guys come your way, and you’re easily roped into their despondency.
It might be that you have so much empathy that you don’t know when to stop sharing in the negative feelings of others.
Instead, you join them to wallow in their misery, which shouldn’t be so.
And if you don’t keep yourself in check, you’ll feel bound to remain in that dark space with them.
People like you, who have too much empathy, are prone to manipulation and staying for long periods in toxic relationships.
5. You’re altruistic
Being altruistic goes together with having too much empathy.
You’re unselfish and have an inborn desire to help people, which may be why you’re attracted to troubled guys.
You’re so used to being the shoulder others lean on and giving a listening ear that you don’t know when you’re doing too much.
You can be magnanimous to the point where you think you owe these troubled guys your unalloyed loyalty.
It’s time to step back from all the altruism and self-evaluate.
If you save the world, who will save you?
I think you should back off a bit and get a breather from all the negative energy that has been surrounding you.
6. You’re afraid of being abandoned
You might have abandonment issues, hence your attraction to troubled guys.
It’s more than just the surface abandonment issues; more like deep-seated issues that you need to address.
Firstly, you have low self-esteem, which makes you think that what you deserve must be below par.
So, you end up settling for the ‘barest minimum’ kind of guys, and not just that, the troubled type.
You believe that they’re the only ones who will look your way and want to associate with you.
Because you’re scared of abandonment, you stick with them, no matter how toxic the relationship is.
It would be best if you had therapy to address the foundational issues that led to your abandonment issues.
7. You don’t have boundaries
One of the reasons why you’re probably attracted to troubled guys is that you lack interpersonal boundaries.
Not having boundaries is a highly risky venture, and you’re sitting comfortably on the table.
Having well-defined boundaries is one of the signs of a healthy and successful relationship.
There should be a line between where ‘you or I’ stops and where ‘us’ begins.
You should draw a line between being supportive and being enabling.
Some people don’t have healthy boundaries with others, and you appear to be one of them.
It’s not difficult for this group of people to be attracted to troubled people because they take in everything that comes their way.
8. You’re codependent
Being codependent is another reason why you’re attracted to troubled guys.
Although similar to some points already discussed above, such as being altruistic and too empathetic, they’re not the same.
Simply put, being codependent means putting someone else’s needs before yours.
The difference between being codependent and being too empathetic or altruistic is that codependency breeds an upgraded version of misery.
Here, not only are you the abused, but you’re also going out of your way to enable your oppressor.
Essentially, you’re attracted to troubled guys, soak up their misery, and still do your best to enable them against yourself.
What a sad life!
Conclusion
Merely searching for this topic is a strong signal that it’s time for you to get help and get out of your misery.
You may feel that your partner is the only one with issues in the relationship.
But if you keep being attracted to troubled guys, you have some issues of your own to sort out.
You might be dealing with some foundational issues, and only a therapist can help you reach deep within yourself to resolve these issues.
Although seeing a therapist is a lot of hard work, you need to do it to find out and deal with whatever’s standing in your way of getting into healthy relationships.
It’s worth it, I promise.
You deserve the best things in life.
Get on that therapy schedule, and be on your way to having healthy relationships.
I’m rooting for you!