In a perfect world, we’d all get along swimmingly with our partners all the time.
But let’s face it, we don’t live in a perfect world, and disagreements are a normal, even healthy part of any relationship.
In fact, they can be beneficial to your marriage when handled correctly and make your marriage better.
Today, I’ll share with you some counterintuitive reasons why you should actually cherish disagreements instead of fearing them in your marriage.
It might sound crazy, but when you are done reading, you might see disagreements in a new light.
6 Reasons You Should Cherish Disagreements in Your Marriage
1. Disagreements can actually bring you closer.
When you disagree with your spouse, you’re expressing a viewpoint that is yours.
It’s like saying, “Hey, this is what I believe. This is what I stand for.”
And that’s a form of opening up and being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable might sound scary.
It actually is, and that’s why many of us don’t like being vulnerable.
We think it’s weakness.
But vulnerability is what brings depth to human connections.
It’s the act of showing your true self, the good and the bad, the strong and the weak.
It’s showing your partner that you trust them with your thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes.
And you know what?
That depth of sharing has a funny way of pulling you closer together.
It gives your partner a chance to understand you better and see things from your perspective and also encourages them to open up.
So, disagreements are opportunities for growth and the deepening of your bond.
Yes, they can be uncomfortable.
Yes, they can be challenging.
But within them lies a chance for incredible connection and intimacy if we’re brave enough to be vulnerable.
A strong bond in marriage doesn’t come from always agreeing but from understanding and respecting each other’s perspectives, even when they differ from ours.
2. They foster better understanding.
When you disagree, you get a peek into your partner’s perspective.
You learn about their beliefs, values, and thought processes.
This gives you insight into their character.
And the more you understand each other, the better able you are to meet each other’s needs and be a supportive team.
But if you never disagree and always agree, you miss out on the opportunity to better understand each other.
3. They remind us that we can and should compromise.
When you and your partner disagree, it’s your chance to practice compromising and find some common ground.
This helps keep your relationship healthy.
You learn to make decisions together, respect each other’s preferences, and compromise even when it’s hard.
This will never happen if you never disagree in the first place.
4. They can actually reduce future fights.
I know this sounds a bit paradoxical.
Like, how can disagreeing with your partner lead to fewer arguments in the future?
I’ll explain.
So, let’s say you and your partner have a disagreement.
Maybe it’s about how to divide household chores or a certain behavior one of you has been exhibiting.
It’s easy to look at these disagreements as isolated incidents, but they’re actually a lot more than that.
They’re opportunities for setting up boundaries and expectations.
When you work through a disagreement together, you’re doing many things simultaneously.
First, you’re acknowledging that there’s an issue, and acknowledging the problem is always the first step.
Then, you’re openly communicating your feelings and expectations.
This is where the magic happens.
This is where you devise a solution that works for both of you and set a precedent for dealing with similar issues in the future.
So next time a similar issue comes up, you can look back on what worked previously and apply it instead of starting from scratch.
In fact, you might not need to deal with the same issue because you’ve already set a system in place for dealing with it.
That’s how dealing with a disagreement can help prevent more fights.
5. They remind you that you’re two individuals.
I know two have become one.
It’s good to be so in sync that it feels like you’re just two halves of the same whole.
Still, marriage is a partnership between two unique individuals.
Each of you brings something different to the table: different experiences, perspectives, personalities, strengths, weaknesses, dreams, and fears.
And that’s not something to be erased or minimized; it’s actually something to be celebrated.
Because it’s your individuality that adds color and texture to your relationship, that keeps it interesting.
Disagreements, as uncomfortable as they can be, are a powerful reminder of this individuality.
When you disagree with your partner, you are simply letting them know you see things differently.
You’re asserting your own perspective, your own individuality.
And this can be a really healthy thing for your marriage for several reasons:
1. It prevents your marriage from becoming too one-sided or imbalanced.
Each of you gets to have a voice to express your thoughts and feelings.
This helps ensure that both of your needs are being considered and met.
2. It helps maintain a sense of self.
While it’s great to be part of a couple, it’s also important to have your own identity and be your own person.
This not only makes you happier and more fulfilled as an individual, but it also makes your relationship stronger and more resilient.
3. It fosters mutual respect.
When you acknowledge and respect your differences, you show each other that you value each other’s individuality.
And that kind of mutual respect is a valuable ingredient of a strong marriage.
So while disagreements may not be the most pleasant part of marriage, they remind us that we’re not just part of a couple but also individuals in our own right.
And I think that’s something worth cherishing.
6. Disagreements prevent resentment.
No one’s perfect.
Not you, not your partner.
Over time, it’s almost guaranteed that something your partner does (or doesn’t do) will rub you the wrong way.
The easy way out might seem to be to let it slide, suppress your frustration, and maintain peace.
Well, it’s good to be peace-loving, but if you keep swallowing those complaints, you’re actually brewing resentment.
Resentment is like that little monster in the closet that just keeps growing.
Each time you suppress an annoyance, you’re feeding it.
It starts small but grows and grows, fed by each unspoken complaint and ignored annoyance.
And then, one day, when you least expect it, it bursts out, turning what could have been a simple disagreement into an all-out war.
This is where disagreeing helps.
Disagreeing allows you to express your feelings, annoyances, and frustrations in a controlled manner.
You’re not bottling up your feelings; you’re letting them out, bit by bit.
I don’t mean picking fights over every tiny thing.
I mean expressing yourself when things really matter to you or when something really bothers you.
It’s about voicing your feelings before they become a big ball of resentment.
And most importantly, it’s about doing it in a respectful and constructive manner.