If you are asking, “Why do I attract guys who won’t commit?” you’re in the right place to get answers to your question.
Have you fallen in love with and dated guys who have a problem with commitment?
They’re called commitment phobes, by the way.
When you met him, you couldn’t believe your eyes because he looked like he just stepped out of your dreams.
He’s ambitious, funny, fine, great on dates, and charming.
He appears like the perfect catch on so many levels until you’ve known him for some months, and his true self begins to show.
It now feels like the scales just fell off your eyes.
You find out he doesn’t have many close ties with his friends and family.
He can’t even tell the last time he was in a serious relationship.
He doesn’t like defining his relationships, and when he makes plans, it’s not later than a week in advance.
Even talking about love puts him off.
It doesn’t matter how hot and intense things were between you initially; give the ‘situationship’ some time – say, six months.
That’s if he stays around for that long and doesn’t ghost you.
Within that time, you get tired of initiating the “What are we?” and “Where is this going?” conversation with him.
You end it and move on.
But the real problem is that in no time, you find yourself in the same situation with another guy who won’t commit.
What are you not doing right?
Why do you keep attracting guys who won’t commit?
In this article, we’ll see some reasons that answer the question, “Why do I attract guys who won’t commit?”
Without further ado, let’s get started!
“Why Do I Attract Guys Who Won’t Commit?” – 5 Reasons
1. You have foundational issues
As the saying goes, “Adulthood is about surviving childhood.”
The reason you attract guys who won’t commit is probably because you have mummy or daddy issues.
Some people never saw healthy relationships when they were children, and you may be one of them.
Perhaps your parents didn’t live together, or they got a divorce when you were still a child.
Going through such a traumatic experience can condition your mind to attract a situation similar to what your parents had.
Or you can go over and beyond trying to convince a guy to commit to you because you don’t know how reciprocity in a relationship looks.
I’m not saying that this reason applies to everyone.
But if you can’t seem to break the cycle of attracting guys who won’t commit to you, it might be true in your case.
All you have to do is look back at the relationship your parents modeled for you as a child.
Therein lies your answer.
2. You view romantic relationships as projects
Who even came up with the “I can change him” mantra just to be in a relationship with a guy full of red flags?
That person must surely be committed, not to any man, but to a psychiatric institution.
It is manipulative and toxic to try and change someone into who you want them to be instead of accepting them for who they are.
What stops you from leaving them and moving on with your life or moving to someone else if you find that they’re not the kind of guy you want to be in a relationship with?
Instead, you turn them into a project – your project.
You spend all the days, weeks, months, or years the relationship lasts to try to change a guy to suit your taste.
What a clownish behavior!
Why do that when many guys in the world are naturally your type?
You can easily pick one of them.
It is never advisable to consider your fellow human being a project.
But in your case, that’s what you’ve turned your guy into.
Little wonder you attract guys who won’t commit if you can’t recall the last time you were in a relationship solely to enjoy someone else’s company instead of always trying to turn them into who they aren’t.
3. You don’t ask the important questions on the first three dates
You may attract guys who won’t commit because you don’t ask the important questions on the first three dates.
For your good, you should treat the first three dates as mini-interviews in comfortable settings.
During the first three dates, you’re both trying to see if you want similar things in a relationship if you share similar values, and if the attraction is mutual.
Don’t ever act laidback at this point with the excuse that you don’t want to put so much pressure on him at the early stages.
If that’s your thought process, well, guess what?
Both of you will always be on different pages of the relationship simultaneously.
After some time, you’ll realize you wasted your time in that relationship.
Here are some surefire ways to detect guys who won’t commit:
- Ask him to talk about his last serious relationship briefly.
- Ask him if and why he wants to have a serious relationship with you.
Remember that you have to ask these questions within the first three dates.
His response will tell you the type of man he is and his intentions towards you.
If he has no idea when his last serious relationship was, and he’s not sure he wants something serious with you, it’s your cue to either take your leave or enjoy the relationship while it lasts.
4. You’ve never needed reciprocity
Reciprocity is mutual.
You know that his love language is “Words of Affirmation,” and send him handwritten notes and cards.
He knows that yours is “Quality Time,” so he clears his schedule to spend time with you once in a while.
He calls to say, “Good morning”; you text to say, “Good night.”
He plans a date, and you plan the next one.
And the list goes on.
When there’s reciprocity in a relationship, it doesn’t need any back and forth to keep up with who is doing what.
The relationship will flow smoothly because things are balanced.
But if you do most of the work in your relationship, it’ll show you’re more committed than him.
It’s also a sign that he’s not ready to put in more than he is doing already.
Perhaps you didn’t mind because your love and commitment are enough for the two of you.
How wrong you are!
And if you stopped doing anything for the relationship for a second, you’ll notice that he’s not doing much or anything at all.
A guy who won’t commit will love to stick around a woman who is ready to give her all in the relationship and doesn’t need him to do the same.
On the other hand, a man who wants commitment will step up and do his part consistently to be mutual on both sides.
5. You’re scared of commitment
Many women attract guys who won’t commit because they are not as ready for commitment as they think.
If you’re constantly attracting guys who won’t commit, maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you’re truly ready to be in a committed relationship.
Perhaps you keep agreeing to date men who are not serious about relationships because you find it easier and more convenient to blame them when things go south.
It’ll interest you to know that the moment you know what you want in a relationship and put your foot down about it, the unserious guys will disappear from your life.
The bottom line is that you attract what you want.
Conclusion
Hopefully, this article has highlighted why you attract guys who won’t commit.
Does any of the reasons resonate with you?
The best way out is to change your mindset and approach towards relationships.
I wish you all the best.