When people have affairs, most times, they don’t plan for it to happen.
And for the few who do, they did not plan for it to last.
Most people get into affairs because they need some excitement and thrill in their lives.
There is a rush of adrenaline and oxytocin they feel whenever they engage in this extramarital affair, and they just love it.
Usually, they do not think too deeply about it.
They presume that the affair is something that will happen for a short while and fizzle out naturally with time.
And most times, that is the case.
Most affairs do not last long.
Ranging from a few weeks to months or even a few years.
But, of course, there are always exceptions.
Some affairs end up lasting for years and years, and if you wondering why it happens that way in those cases, you are about to find out.
Why Do Some Affairs Last For Years?
1. They Are Not Discovered
Sometimes, people are only sorry when they get caught in the act.
Many affairs end when they are found out by the legitimate spouse or someone else.
What happens when they don’t get discovered?
People who have affairs are likely to continue if no one discovers them.
Maybe the person they are having an affair with lives in a faraway town where they get to see them once in a while.
And so their legitimate spouse does not know about it or even suspect it.
They are able to keep their double lives well hidden because it is convenient and easy.
Such a person is not likely to call it quits with their male friend or mistress because they do not see a reason to.
Affairs like this can last for years and even produce children because no one knows about it, or so they think.
Illicit activities thrive on secrecy and are likely to keep going when they have that.
2. They Were In Love
Although affairs are not legal relationships like marriage, they can get more solid and mean more to the parties involved than their actual marriages.
This is sometimes because the affair was borne not just out of mere infatuation or lust but out of love.
Some people fall in love with one person but get married to someone else.
When this happens, such a person may end up stepping out on their partner to have an affair with the person they are in love with it.
Such an affair may not fizzle out anytime soon.
3. They Fall In Love
It is no news that some people claim to find love after they have gotten married to someone else.
It may start as an affair, but things can quickly escalate and turn out to be something else.
You may hear them say things like they fell in love with their mistress or man-friend, and although they do not hate their spouse, they are unwilling to let go of the “love” they have found.
You may be tempted to ask them why they opened up their hearts to someone else in the first place, knowing that they are married.
But sometimes, these things can not be easily explained.
4. The Spouse Does Not Care
In the case where the spouse or spouses of the people having affairs are indifferent or have their own affairs on the side, affairs are very likely to last long.
Marriages differ, and people’s situations are as unique as their individual stories and circumstances.
While some people hold marriage sacred and do everything to preserve the purity and stability of the union, others simply don’t care.
If the latter is the case for a couple, then you may find them having affairs that last years.
5. A Deep Connection
An affair could be peripheral and casual, based solely on sexual benefits.
But it could also become deeper than that.
The two people involved can become very emotionally connected because of the time and special moments they share.
This emotional connection can become a strong bond that makes them almost inseparable.
The man or woman may begin to crave the presence and affection of their mistress or man-friend more than their actual partner.
This deep emotional bond created by intimacy and quality time spent together can make it hard for them to end the affair.
The realization that their actions are wrong ethically and morally is not strong enough to make them stop.
6. Great Multitasking Abilities
People involved in affairs who have the ability to compartmentalize their life and feelings are likely to remain in the affair for years.
This is because they have mastered the act of separating their relationship with their partner from their relationship with their side piece.
With people like this, affairs can last a few years or even more.
Because their ability to manage it well keeps them from getting caught or makes their legitimate partner indifferent about it since the marriage is not very affected.
7. History and familiarity
Shared history is another reason some affairs last for years.
The individuals involved may have known each other and possibly been intimately involved for a long time, possibly before they met the person they eventually dated or married.
This history brings some form of familiarity and comfort to them and makes them unwilling to let go.
8. The absence of an alternative
Some people are simply unable to remain committed and faithful in one relationship either because of a bankruptcy in their morals or because of a feeling of lack of fulfillment and satisfaction.
And so, they must be in an extramarital affair at every point in time.
For such people, if they feel limited in their options, they are likely to remain with one mistress or man-friend for a long time.
They would rather remain with that person than remain with just their partner.
9. Problem with the individual
An affair can span for years due to no reason other than the issues and insecurities of the people in the relationship.
An individual may have personal emotional and self-esteem issues, making them seek affection and validation outside of their marriage or relationship.
They may find that their need for attention and validation is met in their side piece.
This can make it difficult for them to let go of the affair.
10. Ease and excitement
Another reason why some affairs last for years is that they are quite easy to maintain.
With the primary relationship or marriage, a large level of accountability and willingness to work is required from both parties.
In a proper relationship, the parties involved have to make tough decisions, go through difficult life issues, and navigate daily challenges together.
While in an affair, it’s all butterflies and hangouts.
They have another reality that is different from the actual real-life one.
And so the affair seems easier, effortless, and more desirable making it go on for years.
11. Fear
The long duration of some affairs is not due to love or a strong bond but fear of consequences.
A person engaging in an affair may be willing to leave but may be scared of the potential uproar that could cause.
The person they are having an affair with may blow things up, and that may negatively affect their reputation or other relationships.
In a case like this, they are not staying in the affair willingly.
They are being coerced or even blackmailed into staying in it.
12. Mutual interests
Another common reason why some affairs last for years is that the parties involved have a strong bond created by their compatibility in many ways.
They share the same interests and understand each other in a way they believe their primary partners do not understand them.
Another dimension of this is that both parties of the affair have come to an understanding that they want the same thing.
They may have their marriages on the side, and both understand that what they have is just by the side.
They relate with each other with the understanding that they both have primary partners on the side and that what they share is just an affair.
This mutual understanding helps in maintaining the affair for years.
13. Strong chemistry
Being in a committed relationship or even a marriage does not immune anyone from finding other people attractive.
It is unrealistic to believe that your partner is the only person you will be attracted to.
However, understanding your decision to stick with your partner and stay committed to them helps you take your eyes off other people.
Some people fail to do this, and so they feed their attraction for the other person by indulging in extramarital affairs or affairs outside their primary relationship.
What this leads to is an increase in the desire and attraction they feel for this new person.
When the attraction or chemistry they feel is unresolved, they will keep feeling a magnetic pull toward the affair and find it difficult to break away.
14. Persistent lack of fulfillment in marriage
Sometimes, marital issues can be severe and prolonged, and the people involved are unable to find solutions.
One of the parties can seek solace elsewhere and find someone who seems to provide everything their primary partner is not providing.
As time passes, the time and energy that should be put into fixing the issues in the marriage may be directed toward maintaining their newly found attraction.
With effort and time, the new attraction can fast become home to the person cheating.
And the affair that casually started may eventually be maintained for years.
People have different reasons for the actions they take and the decisions they make.
An affair that lasts for years has a form of strong basis, and this is different for everyone.
It is essential to recognize the fact that people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and also to recognize the importance of morality.
To foster healthy and thriving relationships, empathy, honesty, and openness are essential.
Many times, affairs leave damaging and severe impacts on people and their loved ones.
Healthier options like counseling can be sought to address the underlying causes.