A Nigerian celebrity recently broke the Internet with the news of his separation and impending divorce from his wife.
Following his announcement were several alleged accounts of how he had been unhappy in his marriage.
This is not to defend his reasons for divorcing his wife, but it made me wonder why some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word.
Seeing as I’m not a man, I got some men in my life to weigh in.
I asked them the possible reasons some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word.
I got some interesting answers, and I’ll be sharing them with you.
Please read on.
Why Some Men Stay In Unhappy Marriages Without Saying A Word- 11 Reasons
1. Commitment to marriage vows
Some married men feel deeply committed to their marriage vows, which motivates them to remain in their marriages no matter what they face.
Marital vows are sacred promises and, as such, should be honored.
In addition, it takes someone who likes to keep to his words to be able to stand firm and remain in a marriage despite being unhappy in it.
Such a man acknowledges that his word is his bond and tries his best not to break it.
No matter what he’s going through in his marriage, he’ll want to stay put because of the marriage vows that remain binding on his marriage.
2. Financial dependence
One of the reasons why some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word is that they are financially dependent on their wives.
Some women contribute heavily to the finances of the marriage, and the men who are married to them rely on them to a great extent financially.
If he treads the path of divorce, it will reduce his independence and make him unable to take adequate care of himself without any input from her.
You’ll agree with me that finances are one of the top considerations whenever someone wants to take a huge step, such as leaving a marriage.
Without adequate finances or a good and regular stream of income, it’ll be difficult for someone in an unhappy marriage to make a serious move about leaving.
He may decide to remain in the marriage and suffer in silence because he lacks the financial resources to break free and move on with his life.
3. High cost of divorce
Still talking in the line of finances, another reason why some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word is the high cost of divorce.
As I mentioned in point 2 above, money is a major deciding factor in whether someone wants to leave a marriage.
There’s nothing cheap about divorce and everything that comes with it.
It has a way of taking its toll on the individuals involved emotionally and psychologically.
Let’s also not forget that the divorce policies of certain climes can make a man count the cost of divorce again – the division of assets and, subsequently, paying child support when the divorce is finalized.
Some men in unhappy marriages do not think that they should go through all the financial, emotional, and psychological stress that comes with a divorce.
They may feel that their unhappiness is not worth paying such a high price, so they’ll prefer to stay and do nothing.
4. Fear of hurting his wife’s feelings
A man may choose to remain in an unhappy marriage because he doesn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings.
In this case, none of them is doing anything wrong in the marriage.
His wife is dutiful in playing her role and carrying out her responsibilities in the marriage.
Due to various factors, their love for each other may have diminished over the years, and before they could notice or take appropriate action about it, it had deteriorated to a point that they couldn’t salvage the situation.
They simply fell out of love with each other.
So, they’re both just there to remain married for the sake of their children and to avoid hurting each other’s feelings.
5. To protect the children from the side effects of divorce
Another reason some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word is because they want to protect their children from the side effects of divorce.
No one wishes for divorce except in toxic marriages.
If it can be avoided, any reasonable person will try to boycott it by all means.
The truth remains that raising children takes a lot, and the joint efforts of both parents will go a long way toward molding them and helping them turn out right.
Most people believe this can only be achieved in a stable family where both parents are present and fully involved in their children’s lives.
A man can choose to stay in an unhappy marriage because he wants his children to grow up in a stable family.
This happens especially in cases where the man also suffered the effects of divorce as a child.
He feels that going through with the divorce will traumatize them and cause them pain and confusion.
So, he’d rather remain miserable than let his children go through such.
6. Hoping for an improvement in their marital situation
A man can stay in an unhappy marriage because he hopes that his marital situation will eventually improve.
He believes that putting in the effort and going for counseling and couples therapy will help revive the happiness that left the marriage.
Efforts such as being kind, paying attention to each other’s needs, being present for each other, and being romantic are what couples who are looking to get back the spark in their marriage should practice constantly.
If they’re both willing and ready to make their marriage work, they’ll experience positive changes in no distant time.
In light of this, a man who is invested in making his marriage work will stay and hope for an improvement, but then change takes time.
He might prefer to wait it out even while he feels miserable about the situation.
7. Bidding his time
Sometimes, when a man is in an unhappy marriage without saying a word, he is only bidding his time.
He has stuff up his sleeves that his wife knows NADA about.
He has plans of his own and is just waiting for the right time to strike.
A few years ago, a popular Nigerian actor secretly got married to another woman despite being married already with children.
The worst part was that he was always flaunting his family, and many people believed that all was well with his marriage.
However, when the news of his secret marriage filtered out, all hell was let loose.
He came out to say that he was unhappy in his marriage, even though he had been cheating all along, even to his wife’s knowledge.
And when he felt the time was right, he secretly married the woman who made him happy.
In this case, he knew exactly what he wanted and waited for the right time to do what he felt was right for him.
I feel like this is the worst kind of betrayal!
8. Fear of loneliness
Another reason why some men stay in unhappy marriages without saying a word is the fear of loneliness.
Some men don’t want to be lonely when they leave their marriage.
Nothing is promised, and they don’t know what life has in store for them outside marriage.
That alone is enough to scare the wits out of some people, and it can make a man decide to stay in an unhappy marriage.
There’s a saying, ‘ The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know.’
He may choose to remain in the unhappy setting that he’s already used to rather than risk exploring the possibilities outside his marriage and probably end up with a fate worse than unhappiness.
9. Low standards in marriage
I know of a young man who grew up in an environment where neglect, violence, and abuse were normal.
His family was also deeply enmeshed in neglect and abuse, and it made him see that toxic lifestyle as a norm.
If that young man gets married and faces unhappiness in his marriage, he may probably accept it without saying a word because he doesn’t know what a healthy marriage looks like.
Since he was surrounded by so much unhappiness as a child that he didn’t expect any better from other people, he might also believe that he doesn’t deserve better if his mind has been conditioned by his family and the environment in which he grew up.
10. Cultural or religious beliefs
Cultural or religious beliefs can also make a man stay in an unhappy marriage.
There are cultures and religions that frown at divorce and discourage it, except in extreme conditions.
Some forbid it outrightly and demand that their members remain in their marriages no matter what.
Some men are devoted to their cultural and religious values and may decide to remain in their unhappy marriages instead of going against the laws that guide them.
11. Emotional attachment
One of my uncles has a troublesome wife who everyone is tired of and avoids like a plague.
He himself also admitted to being tired of her troubles and sometimes, he threatens to leave the marriage.
While discussing with my Dad one day, he mentioned that the only thing that always weakens his resolve to leave his marriage is that he’s emotionally attached to his wife.
They’ve really come a long way together and have a very strong emotional connection with each other.
He said that whenever he wants to put down his foot about leaving, he’s held back by their friendship, companionship, love, and their years together.
There are other men like my uncle who have chosen to remain in their unhappy marriages without saying a word because of their emotional attachment to their wives.
They may not feel a profound sense of love for their wives, but they are content in remaining mum about the things that make them unhappy as long as she remains by their side.