Nobody gets married, planning for it to be temporary.
We all get married, dreaming of happily ever after; that’s why wedding vows are so beautiful.
Unfortunately, wishes are not horses; wedding vows and the desire for a long-lasting, happy marriage do not automatically translate into reality.
If you and your spouse don’t put some things in place to nurture your home, it won’t last forever.
So also, if you imbibe some negative habits, it will destroy your marriage.
I’m willing to bet nobody wants that, so let’s look at the negative habits that slowly destroy marriages.
8 Habits That Slowly Destroy Marriages
1. Not Communicating
When we talk about communication being the backbone, foundation, and other such words of a marriage or relationship, I can imagine people rolling their eyes and saying, “How cliche! Must that always be the first thing you mention?”
Well, I will say again what I often say: most things become cliche for a reason- they are true.
As much as we might be tired of hearing about communication, we cannot knock it off because no relationship can succeed without it.
As I said, communication is the backbone of any marriage.
It helps you both understand what the other is thinking and feeling and prevents misunderstandings.
Needless to say, you must talk.
When you stop talking, sharing, or listening to each other, your connection will start to fade.
Now, let me add that when we say talk, we are not simply talking about discussing big decisions; it’s also about sharing your everyday thoughts and feelings, including silly jokes and random happenings in the day.
Those are what spice up your marriage and tighten your friendship.
For instance, your spouse should be the first person you want to show the funny clips you see online.
It is a clear indication that they are on your mind, even in their absence.
Ignoring this creates a gap that can quickly turn into resentment or misunderstanding.
So, you must prioritize communication.
If you find that your communication is slipping, it is time to talk – about the small and big things.
2. Addiction
Addiction of any kind can wreak havoc on a marriage.
It doesn’t matter what kind it is – alcohol, drugs, gambling, or even phone.
In the first place, addiction destroys the subject, so you can imagine what it would do to their spouse and marriage.
It often leads to trust issues, financial problems, and emotional disconnection because when someone is addicted, that’s all they know; the object of their addiction takes center stage, and everything else takes a back seat.
The other spouse will likely feel sidelined as, over time, the person suffering from addiction may withdraw affection.
Considering that addiction is a mental health issue, you may be unable to deal with it on your own.
If you are the subject, you must be willing to accept you are suffering from addiction and seek help.
Some options are therapy, counseling, or support groups.
As the partner, you should gently call their attention to it if they haven’t realized it and offer support as they go through their rehabilitation process.
3. Dishonesty
Opinions differ on what lies constitute in a marriage.
Some people argue that you can lie to protect your partner from certain truths you feel they cannot handle.
In my opinion, lies of any kind are dangerous in a marriage.
I understand white lies and even the need for them sometimes, but when it comes to marriage, it can be tricky.
I believe the best way to understand it is to imagine yourself in your partner’s shoes.
How would you feel if your partner kept this particular thing from you, no matter their intention?
And you need to be honest.
If you know you’d feel bad, then it’s probably a terrible idea to lie about it.
This is even in the case of good intention.
Some people, unfortunately, are incorrigible liars; they lie without hesitation.
If someone is like that, it is only a matter of time before their marriage completely breaks down.
Dishonesty destroys trust over time, and if there’s no trust in a home, what’s left?
The best option is still to be honest about everything—financial decisions, whereabouts, motives behind actions, and other decisions.
Remember that trust is easier to maintain than to fix once it’s broken, so lies don’t serve you in any way.
4. Neglecting Intimacy
A wedding counselor once said that the first year of marriage is usually the hardest because couples are just learning to get to know each other in a new setting.
So, the best way to combat that phase of seeing your partner in a different light is to increase intimacy.
I took that to mean intimacy is very important in a marriage.
If it can help with the most difficult year in a marriage, it can also help with other years.
A couple must prioritize physical affection and emotional closeness.
When couples stop being vulnerable with each other or neglect physical touch, the relationship begins to feel more like a partnership rather than a marriage.
Over time, they get frustrated and resentful.
So, do not neglect small gestures like hugs, kisses, cuddles, and compliments.
Then, you should also keep the marriage bed flaming hot.
I understand life gets in the way, but don’t let it affect that area.
Schedule it if you must.
5. Fighting Dirty
Arguments are very normal in a marriage because you will not always see eye to eye on every issue.
So fighting is not the issue; fighting dirty is.
Unfortunately, many do not know how to fight.
When you are in an argument, and one or both of you resort to insults, name-calling, or bringing up past mistakes, you are fighting dirty because you are deliberately trying to hurt your spouse.
Instead of that, present your issue politely and listen to each other.
Focus on resolving the issue rather than being right; you are a team, not opponents in a ring.
Silent treatment is no better; stop punishing your spouse without giving them a chance to fix things.
If they offend you, let them know so they can apologize, and you can move past it.
6. Not Compromising
A marriage with one selfish or two selfish people cannot stand.
You must both be ready to shift ground for each other.
Remember that marriage is a two-way street, so refusing to meet your partner halfway shows you don’t value or care about them.
Always wanting things your way communicates to your spouse that their needs don’t matter.
I am not saying you should lose your prominent values – you shouldn’t marry someone whose values contrast with yours anyway.
Once you have gotten that right, then you can let go of other minor decisions for each other.
For this to work, both parties must be willing to give and take; if only one person is giving, it is a recipe for disaster.
7. Invalidating Your Spouse
Dismissing your spouse’s feelings, opinions, or experiences can be incredibly damaging to your marriage.
It sends the message to them that their perspective doesn’t matter to you.
I mentioned earlier that marriage must be give and take, so you shouldn’t brush any feelings your partner brings up to you.
Telling them they are overreacting when they raise concerns or dismiss their opinions does not show that you want your marriage to last.
If you do, you will be more willing to listen, validate their feelings, and acknowledge their thoughts even when you don’t agree.
While presenting yours, you can say, “I hear you, and I understand why you feel that way. ”
8. Comparison
Nothing kills love faster than constant comparison.
I understand that you wish your partner were like so and so.
It’s okay to feel that way, but you must be fair enough to consider how you’d feel if your partner always compares you to the next Jane.
Most of the time, comparison is rooted in selfishness.
It is okay to desire for your partner to be better, but manipulating them by comparing them to the next Tom, Dick, or Harry is unhealthy.
You have already married them; enjoy their strengths and endure their weaknesses, especially if they are not harming you or abusing you.
Remember that the person you think is a standard is not perfect either, and you don’t know them like you know your spouse.
So, they may have certain flaws that are worse than your spouse.
Focusing on the unique qualities that made you fall in love in the first place is the best way to enjoy your marriage.