Actions, they say, speak louder than voice.
So, it’s pretty normal and reasonable to question any love that does not prove itself through actions.
I was once in a situationship with a guy who claimed to love me, but everything he did screamed otherwise.
I was in a pit of confusion for months before I eventually understood what the issue was.
You’re probably curious as to what it is.
Let us not get ahead of ourselves, but I’ll tell you.
I’ll do more than just tell you the reason in my case; I’ll give you other possible reasons so you can identify which applies to your situation the most.
“He Says He Loves Me But His Actions Say Different” – 14 Reasons Why
1. He doesn’t know how to show it
Saying “I love you” is pretty straightforward, but showing it is not as easy.
He may genuinely love you but lacks the requisite knowledge to communicate that love to you.
Especially if he’s not very exposed or experienced in relationships.
It’s all love on his inside, but the issue is knowing how to translate that love to the outside.
He needs to learn how to think consciously.
If you trust his intentions and suspect that this may be the case with him, you can give him clues to help guide him to loving you.
Don’t beg, force, or ask for it; just show him how and let him do it himself.
2. He doesn’t understand that his actions should validate his words
Someone once said that “common sense is not common at all,” and I agree.
You’d be surprised at the things that people don’t know.
Perhaps he doesn’t realize that his actions conflict with his claims and needs to do better to align them.
Not all men and lover boys know how to get everything right from the get-go.
Some men are ignorant, and I admit it can be annoying.
The more annoying and surprising part is that he may be comfortable and complacent, okay with how things are between you two.
But this is not healthy because he will not actively work to nurture or grow the love between you.
After all, he doesn’t even know that he’s supposed to.
3. He’s dealing with trauma
This was the case with my ‘situationship’ guy.
I found out that he was deeply traumatized from the loss of his previous girlfriend, who had died from an ailment.
Even though time had passed and he was trying to move on, it wasn’t quite working out.
He claimed to be in love with me, but maybe due to a sense of loyalty he still felt for his ex, he never backed up his love confessions with actions.
I felt terrible for him but had to leave his life because although his feelings are valid, so are my sanity, needs, and emotions.
People deal with all sorts of trauma.
For your guy, negative past relationship experiences or past hurt might have messed up his emotions.
His behavior has now been altered, and even when his heart and mouth scream “love,” his actions say otherwise.
4. He’s not speaking your language
Love stories are not always as straightforward as “boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after.”
Sometimes, love may require some learning and adaptation, or it’ll be frustrating.
If he has a different love style and speaks a different love language from you, you may not feel loved, no matter how hard he tries.
That’s because you’re both different and do not recognize or subscribe to each other’s ways of showing love.
It could also be that you’re both incompatible, having fundamental differences in your lives that affect the relationship.
When this is present between two people, there will be many misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and disappointments if the necessary adjustments are not made.
5. He doesn’t want to commit
He may truly love you but wants it to stop at that.
Maybe it’s because he’s afraid of commitments and has to draw back a little.
Or he just doesn’t want to be “tied down” by a conventional serious relationship.
He just wants you somewhere in his life.
Remaining there is your choice, though.
6. He’s not sure
I wish there were a device we could use to measure people’s love; some men would say I love you and your immediate response would be, “No, you don’t. You just like my company.”
Feelings can be complicated, and maybe he’s generally unsure about what he feels for you.
He may have developed an attachment or liking for you, not love.
Or perhaps he does love you in the present but is unsure about your compatibility, the sustainability of his feelings, or the long-term potential of the relationship.
This uncertainty and lack of self-awareness will influence his actions in the relationship.
7. He doesn’t love you
He probably just lied.
And this is the truth in many cases.
Just because he says he loves you doesn’t mean he does.
Talk is super cheap.
Unfortunately, we can’t see people’s hearts and true intentions; so many times, false intentions camouflage and put on a cloak of righteousness, claiming to be what they’re not.
The “I love you” may be coming from a place of manipulation, seeking validation, or narcissism.
Or maybe you or other people/things pressured him into saying he loves you when he does not.
This happens to many women, and I always want to hug them and say, “Honey, can’t you see his actions spelling out that he doesn’t love you? Please move on.”
7. He’s busy or stressed
If he claims to love you but doesn’t give you his time and attention, other things may be taking his attention.
This is not a valid excuse; I’m only giving you an explanation.
He might love you but could be prioritizing other areas of his life, such as work, health, or family.
It could be a valid commitment or just a distraction.
Or it could also be stress or pressure from life.
8. Communication issues
The purpose of communication is understanding, but unfortunately, this isn’t always achieved.
It could be a case of misunderstanding or misinterpretation between you two.
Maybe he’s struggling to communicate his love for you through actions.
Or he’s even communicating it to the best of his knowledge, but you’re not interpreting it that way.
Perhaps he didn’t even say he loves you; you just misinterpreted him.
Misinterpretations of each other’s actions and words can happen in different ways.
You need to have a conversation to clear up confusion.
9. He’s not a serious person
One thing every girl must come to terms with in her dating journey is the fact that not every guy who comes or even professes love is a serious person.
Some guys are time wasters; if you let them, they will waste your time.
This guy could be a time-waster that’s just playing around.
You need to be able to identify such men and show them the door.
10. Feeling overwhelmed
He knows he’s supposed to back up his love claims with actions, but he still doesn’t.
Maybe he feels overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start.
The demands of a relationship are a lot for him to handle, and he just can’t.
You can stay with this one if you can survive on mere words.
11. He’s self-centered or immature
Some men will confess love but never show it through their actions.
He loves you, but he wants you to do all the work.
He’s more focused on what he can get from you, not what he can give.
Maybe he’s immature and hasn’t grown or learned how to be the man needed for an emotionally strong, healthy, and affectionate relationship.
12. Personal issues
He may be dealing with something within.
It could be unresolved issues from his past affecting his ability to express love.
Or something even more personal, such as insecurities or mental health issues.
These things can hamper an individual’s ability to express love even when they feel it.
13. External influence
If a man is gullible, even if his feelings are genuine, he can be influenced in the wrong direction.
This guy may truly love you but struggle to show it consistently due to external factors.
His actions may be influenced by things or people like peers, friends, family, or other circumstances outside of your relationship.
14. Misaligned expectations
It may be a “What I ordered vs what I got.”
You thought that getting this love claim from a guy would come with lots of love expressions in a certain way, but his thoughts are completely different.
Perhaps you and him have different expectations and subscribe to different views on what love and a relationship should look like.
You end up finding yourself in a pool of disappointment, and you don’t trust his love.
Whatever his reasons, one thing you must understand is that you deserve a love that is sure, convinced, and ready to work.
If he has said he loves you but isn’t showing it the right way, you can tell him how you want to be loved.
But if his actions are completely contradictory, such as abusing, manipulating, trivializing, or demeaning you, he most likely doesn’t love you.
You need to be able to differentiate a man who is genuinely ignorant of how to show love from one whose love claims are completely false.