Do you ever wonder how to get over hurtful words in a relationship?
Hurtful words tend to sting twice as much when they come from someone you love and claim to love you.
Have you found that you’re unable to stop thinking about hurtful words said to you by your partner?
Not to worry.
There are certain things you can do to help you get over hurtful words and move on with your life.
In this article, we’ll explore possible ways to get over hurtful words in a relationship.
Let’s get to it.
How To Get Over Hurtful Words In A Relationship: 7 Sure Ways
1. Embrace how you feel
In getting over hurtful words in a relationship, it’s rather unfortunate that neglecting your feelings won’t work.
It’s always best to accept that your feelings are hurt before you can heal and get over them.
You can take some time to think of the exact ways your partner’s words affected you.
It’s okay if you feel very bad and say things like this to yourself – “I’m angry and embarrassed. I feel belittled by my partner right now.”
Can you be kind to yourself?
Please don’t beat yourself up about it.
It’s not your fault that your partner has no empathy towards you with words.
Harsh words can sting a bit or a lot; it depends on how it’s said, who said it, and the circumstances surrounding the words.
In all, you should know that there’s nothing wrong with feeling upset when your lover is mean to you with their words.
2. Let them know how you feel
Do not let anger and hurt pile up inside you.
You’ll find that you’ll feel much better when you talk about your feelings and get such issues off your chest.
Also, the chance of you exploding and making issues about it later will be low.
You can approach your partner whenever both of you are calm.
In a non-accusatory and gentle manner, let them know how you’re feeling as a result of their mean words.
You can use the “I” language when talking about your feelings to avoid making them go into defensive mode.
For instance, you can say, “When you said I was immature during our argument earlier today, I felt so belittled and humiliated.”
One thing you shouldn’t do is attack their personality or say something that’ll make it look like you’re blaming them for whatever you’re feeling.
Avoid saying trigger words like, “You make me crazy” or “You’re such a jerk!”
If you feel that you can’t pass your message across conveniently physically, consider putting your feelings into writing (in the form of a note or letter) and handing it to them.
3. Listen to what they have to say
When you’re done talking, give them a chance to speak.
Ensure you also listen when they’re talking, just like they gave you an audience earlier.
Try as much as you can not to interrupt them or walk away from them if they’re saying things you don’t like.
Just stay calm and sit through it while channeling your focus on really hearing and understanding what they’re saying.
Listening to understand will help you better understand why they said those hurtful words to you.
Make no mistakes, verbal abuse is a red flag and all shades of wrong in relationships, and should be avoided at all costs.
However, give your partner the benefit of the doubt by listening to them and knowing why they did what they did.
4. Try to see things from their point of view
You can also put things in perspective by looking at the situation from your perspective and their perspective.
While I agree that it’s no fault that someone said hurtful and mean things to you, it may help if you assume an empathetic stance.
Have you thought about how your partner was feeling when they said the things they did?
In all honesty, how did you contribute to the situation that birthed the argument?
Please be mindful that seeing things from your partner’s perspective and owning up to the part you played in the argument doesn’t mean you should excuse their hurtful words.
It doesn’t also mean that you should blame yourself.
However, it’ll help you view the situation better and figure out better ways to deal with such situations in the future.
For example, you might notice that your partner constantly lashes out whenever you criticize them because their parents always criticize them.
Having that in mind, you can try to tone down criticisms and rephrase them to be more constructive and gentler.
5. Let them know how to restitute
How do you want them to make things better?
Let them know.
Please do not make it a demand; instead, present it as a calm request.
It is a tactical way to deal with such occurrences.
The (hopefully constructive) way you handle the present situation will help prevent such a thing from happening in the future.
Be straightforward when telling your partner what you want them to do for restitution – whether it’s to validate your feelings, promise never to say hurtful words to you again, or apologize to you.
You can talk to them from this angle – “Instead of calling me names when we argue, I’ll like you just to tell me how you feel.”
6. Remember that they have no control over your feelings
Always remind yourself that you own your feelings and no one else has any control over your feelings.
Well, except you let them.
It’s true that the actions of other people can influence your feelings, but the feelings originate from you and not from anyone else.
It doesn’t make your partner less responsible for their words and actions.
It also doesn’t make it okay for them to say hurtful words to you.
What being in control of your feelings does for you is to keep you in control of how you react to people’s words and actions to you.
In most cases, being in control of your feelings will water down any external emotions anyone wants to impose on you.
That way, you’ll not feel the full impact of such emotions.
7. Speak to a therapist
Have you tried all your can, but you can’t stop yourself from focusing on and feeling the impact of your partner’s hurtful words?
You can try speaking to a therapist.
If it’s possible, you can get your partner to join you when going for therapy.
A therapist or counselor can help you two work through the fundamental issues in your relationship.
They’ll also introduce you to and help you build better communication skills with your partner.
Bear in mind that even if your partner doesn’t go with you to therapy, you can go alone and still reap the full benefits of seeing a therapist.
The therapist will work with you and help you develop stronger and healthier coping mechanisms.
I hope this article went a long way to answer the question – how to get over hurtful words in a relationship.
Did you find this article helpful to your situation?
I’ll appreciate it if you let me know in the comments.