Does your boyfriend have a girl ‘bestie’?
If your boyfriend has a girl best friend, you may be experiencing a range of emotions and even confusion.
You may be wondering if it is normal and you are just overthinking things or if you actually should be worried.
Friendships are important parts of life, and having friends is one of the blessings everyone should have.
Although getting into a relationship or getting married should not separate anybody from other meaningful platonic relationships in their lives, it should affect the proximity and dynamics of those relationships.
Your boyfriend’s relationship with his girl, best friend, maybe a cause of concern for you because you believe you should be the closest female in his life, which is okay.
Nobody wants to be termed problematic, so you may decide to be silent about it even if you’re uncomfortable with it.
To help you get out of your head, we will analyse the situation for you and help you make sense of the situation.
If your boyfriend has a girl best friend, before getting worried, there are some things you must consider first.
These things will determine whether your boyfriend’s best friend is a cause for concern.
My boyfriend has a girl best friend: should I be worried?
1. The dynamics of their friendship
Before getting worried about your boyfriend’s girl best friend, one of the first things, you need to consider the dynamics of the relationship.
How long have they been friends, and what is the basis of their friendship?
Some wholesome and genuine friendships could be based on work, family history, or mentorship.
While others are vain and, quite frankly, unnecessary.
Although you may not like the idea of your boyfriend having a female best friend, taking some time to observe the relationship between them and trying to discern its dynamics will help you approach the situation the right way.
2. Boundaries
Boundaries are super essential and can not be ignored in a situation like this.
You need to find out if boundaries are being respected by everybody involved in the situation.
I know your boyfriend has a girl best friend, and that sound of that alone irks you, but before cancelling her or voicing your opinion, consider the situation.
What boundaries have been established in your boyfriend’s relationship with her since you came into the picture?
Does she respect boundaries, and does your boyfriend understand the same?
Your boyfriend’s best friend, whether male or female, should not try to take your place in any way.
They should not be calling your man at odd hours, prying into matters of your relationship, having unnecessary physical contact, or going on dates.
The rules are even stricter since the said best friend is female.
If you feel like your boyfriend’s girl best friend lacks boundaries and is pushing her limits in your relationship, then you should be worried.
This does not mean that if she understands boundaries, you should remain okay with them being best friends.
You could still address it, but more patiently and from a place of understanding.
3. Your boyfriend’s thoughts
Another essential part of this equation is what your boyfriend thinks about the whole thing and how he acts.
Your boyfriend’s actions and words are more than enough to make you know if you should be worried about the relationship or not.
If he is unnecessarily close with the best friend, prioritizes her above you, and sees nothing wrong with his actions, you clearly have reasons to worry.
However, if he genuinely just appreciates his best friend’s contribution to his life and considers her an important part of your relationship while creating the necessary boundaries and makes it clear that you come first, you can go easy.
It is also possible for the man to not be aware that his actions are wrong, and he needs to be firmer with his boundaries.
That’s where communication comes in, and we will discuss that soon.
4. Your feelings
This is not the time to ignore your intuition and suspicions.
I am not encouraging you to become overly suspicious and paranoid, but you should pay attention to what your spirit tells you.
How do you feel about the whole relationship, and how comfortable are you with it?
Do not downplay or deny what you feel, and do not see it as you being unreasonable.
If your guts tell you that something is wrong, it most likely is.
Pay close attention and make a decision on what to do.
5. Her actions towards you
A lot can be deduced from your boyfriend’s girl best friend’s actions and behavior towards you.
Is she pleasant and friendly with you, seeing you as her friend too and making it clear through her actions that she recognizes and respects your place in his life?
Or is she flat-out mean and rude to you, acting like you are her rival?
Her disposition will make you know to a large extent, how you should manage the situation.
Of course, even if she is friendly with you, it is not an automatic assurance that you have nothing to be worried about.
You still need to talk about your relationship with your man.
6. Communication
How great is your communication with your partner?
It is very important for you both to be able to talk about issues and resolve them.
Having considered all the factors above, the most important factor is communicating with your partner and ironing things out with him.
Be open and honest about how you feel about his relationship with this lady and even about the whole idea of him having a girl best friend.
It is not advisable for someone in a relationship to have a best friend of the other gender other than their partner.
This is because, apart from how uncomfortable it can make the partner, it can also affect the relationship in many ways.
He does not have to entirely cut off his best friend or become enemies with her.
But firm boundaries must be set if he values what he has with you.
If the said best friend is being mean and disrespectful of your boundaries, you should openly tell your man about it and how it makes you feel because he may not be aware.
His response and decisions after speaking with him will tell much about your relationship.
Be open and ready to take a stand regardless of the outcome.
Do not be forced into silence or become scared of communicating your reservations and boundaries.
It is important that you treat people with kindness and that you are treated the same way.
People must be accountable and respect the boundaries of others.