As a single girl, I always thought, “Marriage is so beautiful!”
I remember clearly that one of the qualities I wanted and looked out for in a partner was attraction in marriage.
It may not be all that marriage is about, but it is an important part of it.
I mean, the mushiness and charm a woman feels for her husband and vice versa can’t be compared to anything.
When a marriage is new, a great percentage of the time, attraction is still super fresh.
Couples are all over each other, acting like teenagers and loving up on each other.
The attraction couples share is one of the magnets that keep them together, but often, this magnet loses its strength over time.
A woman who used to be enchanted by her husband may notice gradually that she doesn’t feel that way anymore.
And I’m not talking only about marriages that are many decades old; this happens in young marriages, too.
But it is not without reason.
There are some factors that either lead to or contribute to it happening.
9 Reasons Women Stop Being Attracted To Their Husbands Over Time
1. Boredom
One hilarious excuse many philandering men, especially African men, make when they’re caught cheating is that “No one can continue having the same meal every day without getting tired. They’ll want to taste something else.”
While that is a wild comparison to make to one’s marriage, and I can’t even believe I’m using such a statement to drive my point home, it holds some truth.
You see, marriage is a commitment and not child’s play.
When you decide to be married to someone, you choose to forsake all others.
And if anyone ever told you that would be easy, they lied to you.
Being with one person for the rest of your life may not be an issue if you understand love and commitment, but no matter how committed you are, you can get bored at some point, especially when excitement is lacking in the marriage.
Some women stop being attracted to their husbands over time because they’re bored.
For them, there’s no reason other than that.
Their marriage has become so monotonous, predictable, and boring that they don’t see anything special in it anymore.
It does not necessarily mean that they have stopped loving their husbands or they want to be with someone else.
They’re just spiritless.
Imagine a woman who married a man because he was fun, engaging, and full of surprises.
Maybe he used to randomly send her sweet texts, plan weekend getaways, or just have the most interesting way of making her laugh.
Fast forward to five, ten, or fifteen years, and all they ever talk about are bills, work stress, and whose turn it is to buy groceries.
Boredom will make that home its abode.
Eventually, she may still love him, but she no longer feels the same level of excitement and attraction because their relationship has lost the adventure that made it special.
It’s a sad thing.
But thankfully, boredom is very reversible.
2. Neglect
When a wife loves and admires her husband, depending on the kind of person she is, even if he’s not reciprocating that love on the same level, she might still be smitten by him.
I know quite several women who are like that – could never be me though – but I don’t judge them.
These women lavish their husbands with love, care, attention, and admiration even when those men aren’t doing the same for them.
But do you know what I’ve noticed?
They don’t continue that way indefinitely.
Over time, they get sick and tired of trying alone, and before you know it, they’re over him.
A man they once adored now becomes worthless in their eyes.
Why?
Because their love was taken for granted.
After enduring premium shege from their husbands, many women wise up and start seeing things differently.
They stop seeing the man as their handsome knight, and he becomes a regular Joe in their eyes.
His lack of effort and zero reciprocity kill the affection she feels for him.
3. Infidelity
No marriage is without challenges, and it’s not unusual for couples to offend each other, but certain offenses might never leave the marriage the same if they happen.
Cheating is one of such.
I know some couples can move past infidelity, work through it, and even go back to being a regular, normal couple.
But it doesn’t happen that way for everyone.
Sometimes cheating can do a number on a marriage and never leave it the same.
Some women stop feeling attracted to their husbands the moment they cheat on them.
Mental and emotional connection means a lot to a woman, so if she feels like those two are out, perhaps due to the hurt and betrayal from her husband’s actions, she might no longer find him exciting.
4. Abuse
Imagine expecting a woman who constantly gets a black eye from her husband’s anger fits to still feel a stir in her heart for him.
That would be unbelievably normal for every attraction she has for such a man to die.
If she’s still feeling drawn to him, chances are something is wrong somewhere.
It might be Stockholm syndrome or something, and this is not limited to physical abuse only.
Women lose attraction for their husbands over time when the man is a manipulator or an emotional, mental, or financial abuser.
5. Poor hygiene
I pride myself on being open-minded and able to tolerate and even live with all kinds of people.
I have grown to see how different we are as humans, and when I see people’s differences in lifestyle, personality, and habit, even if it’s weird to me, I try to be welcoming.
However, one thing I find hard to tolerate is people who lack basic cleanliness skills.
People who are nasty, unkempt, and stinking.
It’s always a hard pill for me to swallow – not like I can swallow anything when I’m around such people.
Many women are like me; hygiene means a lot to them.
This is why they don’t mind cleaning the house or hiring someone to do it: to ensure no messes are everywhere.
If such a woman is married to a man who doesn’t care about being clean, there might be an issue.
Dirtiness reduces people’s allure and makes them a turn-off.
No matter how much crush she had on him, if he’s constantly leaving his stuff everywhere on the floor, wearing stinking clothes, not bathing well, or having a nasty breath, that crush will eventually be CRUSHED and die a natural death.
Many men don’t care about being hygienic from a young age.
Their hygiene problems worsen as they age, and they may not know it, but this affects their marriage.
6. Resentment
You might see a couple looking normal and all, but if you’re able to come closer and dig deeper, you’ll see that there’s so much to unpack with them.
Many couples haven’t hacked into proper communication and conflict resolution.
For some, one partner is just hard-headed and might refuse to improve even when their spouse complains repeatedly about something.
A husband, for instance, who keeps hurting his wife repeatedly or doing the exact thing she complains about all the time is building a foundation for resentment in his marriage.
With time, the wife might stop talking and just keep it all in.
The weight of the grudge she bears begins to erase other positive feelings that she has for the man.
7. Motherhood
Sometimes, the saddest thing that can happen to the bond a couple share is kids.
Don’t get me wrong—children are such a blessing. They’re delightful, beautiful, and cute.
Almost everyone wants to have them.
Unfortunately, some women don’t know how to manage their relationship with their husbands once they become mothers.
She stops paying attention to the man and turns her attention fully to their kids.
How can she feel attracted to him if she barely sees him?
Energy always flows where attention goes, so her attraction to him won’t be sustained if she isn’t paying attention to him.
8. Refusal to evolve
I know that most of the points have dwelt on physical attributes, but sometimes, beyond the physical, some women are attracted to their husband’s minds.
If, over the years, the man remains the same and refuses to evolve while the woman is flying high and upgrading herself, a time may come when she may no longer find him attractive again.
No matter how handsome and rich you are, I will always be attracted to men who are intelligent, witty, and kind.
If the attributes in his character and mind that made her fall for him are not improved upon, she may start feeling some sort of way.
For instance, if your very funny and jovial husband becomes Mr Lamentations, it takes the whole fun out of your relationship with him.
Similarly, if he shows a lack of ambition and struggles to achieve much, it could easily be a turn-off.
This is because we are constantly evolving, and in marriage, it is important to evolve with your partner too, so you don’t become a dead weight.
9. Body changes
When the subject of body changes in marriage is usually discussed, it is always in the direction of the woman.
But the funny thing is that men experience changes in their bodies, too.
I have a YouTuber friend who makes videos about her lifestyle and marriage.
She does Q&As frequently, and every time people ask her how her husband feels about her body changes, especially after having kids, she asks them why they never ask her how she feels about his body changes.
In her words, “He doesn’t look the same way he did when I married him ten years ago. He’s now different. So the answer to this question is that we’re both adapting to the changes and keeping the spark alive regardless.”
I always applaud her for that response.
People never think of the fact that men, too, can undergo physical changes that reduce their appeal to their wives.
They’re always only thinking about the woman.
But it happens in men, too.
If the husband she married is a bearded, built man who suddenly has to shave his beard for some reason and stops going to the gym, attraction can go down very fast.
However, adjustments can be made in a case like this, and the marriage can regain its steamy state.
But it requires intentionality.
Women don’t just wake up and decide to stop being attracted to their husbands.
There is always something that leads to it.
The first step in fixing the situation is to understand that it is not irreversible, identify the source of the loss of attraction, and work on it as a couple.