“The poison of selfishness destroys the world.” —Catherine of Siena
As true as this quote is, it’s even truer in the context of marriage.
Marriage is so deep a union that it can’t be done without a lot of selflessness.
Being with a selfish partner takes out of the beauty of marriage and reduces the quality of the union.
How do you know a husband is selfish?
Well, the signs always speak for themselves.
Sometimes, they’re subtle, and other times, they’re loud but always there.
And just in case you want to know what they are, I’ve got you; just keep reading.
10 Signs Of A Selfish Husband In Marriage
1. He doesn’t take out the trash
I’m just kidding.
Maybe that was a bit too specific.
What I mean is that he doesn’t pull his weight when it comes to household chores.
We’ll get into the deeper stuff very soon, but let’s talk about this sign because although it may seem small, it’s a pretty serious one.
A man who does not get involved in household responsibilities and leaves it all to his wife is a selfish husband.
No woman, no matter how strong, has the ability and should, for whatever reason, have to tackle chores, taking care of kids, and other household responsibilities on her own without significant help, especially from her husband.
A husband who doesn’t get this is very likely a selfish one.
If he expects his wife to handle the majority of household chores or weaponizes incompetence, it says a lot about him.
To balance this, I acknowledge that some men may not like house chores but are kind enough to outsource them for their wives’ well-being.
Any man who refuses to do house chores and to outsource the help but would rather insist that his wife does it is a selfish man.
I once read about a woman who birthed a baby through a cesarean section and returned home that same day, only for her husband to be demanding that she make dinner for him immediately because he’s not a good cook.
Apart from the fact that such a man is wicked, he’s also selfish.
2. He doesn’t seek his wife’s opinion
Another classical sign of a selfish husband is that he does not seek his wife’s opinion,
Be it on major issues or little decisions, couples are meant to consult each other and consider each other’s opinions and thoughts.
For a selfish man, that’s not the case.
He makes one-sided decisions without considering his spouse’s input or desires.
He may also be poor at communication, rarely communicating openly or listening to his wife’s thoughts, concerns, or experiences.
3. He does things that favor him alone
Want to know what’s worse than a husband who doesn’t seek his wife’s opinion before making decisions?
I’ll tell you.
A husband who goes ahead to make those decisions in his favor alone.
This is literally what selfishness is about; a self-centered attitude where the person is primarily focused on fulfilling his own needs and desires, even at his wife’s expense.
He is being inconsiderate and does it often without remorse.
I remember a neighbor I once had who used to smoke a lot.
He enjoyed it so much that he couldn’t go a day without puffing it.
What used to bother me wasn’t how fast he was helping his lungs deteriorate, but the fact that his wife was asthmatic and couldn’t stand this habit of his.
Unfortunately, instead of going out to practice his vice, the man would stay in the house just because he wanted to watch the TV as he smoked, ignoring the fact that he was making the house inconducive for his wife.
That’s what selfish men do; they act in ways that please them without considering the effect it has on their partner.
4. He’s selfish with money
One thing you’re very likely to see in both a selfish husband and a narcissistic one is financial selfishness.
These men try to control the money in the relationship in a way that profits them disproportionately and not considering their wives.
Sometimes, this selfishness manifests as them not contributing equally to financial responsibilities.
It’s exhausting to think about, and even way worse for wives who are married to these men, having to deal with these habits.
5. He doesn’t make sacrifices
Another sign of a selfish husband is the sheer unwillingness to make compromises.
Selfish husbands never think about meeting their wives halfway.
Heck, they’re not even willing to get up at all, much less go out of their way to do something for her.
When there’s a disagreement or decision-making process, a selfish husband will rather remain stuck in his ways than find a middle ground.
You can’t count on him to provide support for his wife in challenging times either because he might be consumed by other things that benefit him.
He’s the worst companion.
6. He wants his wife to make sacrifices for him
If you dislike a selfish husband for failing to make sacrifices for his wife, wait until you learn that that’s not where it ends.
He desires and expects his wife to make sacrifices for him.
I mean, bro, who are you?
You can’t give up your comfort, money, and time for your wife but you want her to go over and beyond for you.
That’s how self-centered husbands think.
They expect special treatment and extra privileges and want their partner to bend over for them, but they’re not willing to reciprocate or appreciate her efforts.
This can even be a sign that he’s a narcissist; he thinks too highly of himself, has a sense of entitlement, and lacks empathy.
7. He doesn’t consider her feelings and needs
Consideration is a very crucial part of every relationship, both platonic and romantic.
Both parties must be able to consider the other person’s needs, feelings, understanding, concerns, reservations, boundaries, insecurities, requests, and so on.
But that is not the case with a selfish husband, he disregards all of these.
A selfish husband is not a considerate husband.
He lacks empathy and is quick to dismiss his wife’s emotions.
Instead of listening to her and acknowledging her feelings and opinions, he would rather employ manipulative tactics, such as guilt-tripping or gaslighting her.
It’s all about him and there’s no space for her at all.
8. He simply can’t take responsibility
One thing a selfish husband is sure to do is to transfer blame.
His love for himself and his desire to always feel good makes it difficult for him to accept when he’s at fault.
So you constantly find him blame-shifting.
He may often blame his wife for problems in the relationship even when they are not her fault.
He doesn’t care about her feelings so he’s comfortable with making her carry a burden that shouldn’t be hers to bear.
9. He controls his wife
Most selfish husbands try to control or are already controlling their wives.
It’s still a reflection of their toxic self-centered lifestyle.
They want things done their way so they try to manipulate their partner into doing stuff in a way that suits them.
You may find them trying to influence and control who the woman spends time with, how she dresses, what she does, and so on.
It’s a tactic to ensure things go their way.
10. Unfaithfulness
Husbands who cheat are selfish.
Infidelity is one hell of a marriage destroyer.
The negative effects it has on people can’t be denied at all.
A man who goes through the process of cheating on his wife while fully knowing the hurt and feeling of betrayal it’ll bring to her is self self-seeking man.
He’s only concerned about the pleasure he’ll get and the instant gratification his actions will bring.
He doesn’t care about the emotional impact on his wife.
Nothing screams selfishness more than that.
These signs all point to the fact that a man is self-centered and it’s difficult to have a fulfilling marriage with such a husband.
Having said all these, the hallmark of selfishness is a husband who has any of these traits and is unwilling to acknowledge his flaws and change.
Resistance to change is the worst sign of selfishness because it acknowledges that something is wrong but refuses to fix it.
This makes the relationship stressful and difficult to improve if left unaddressed.