When I was in secondary school, I was a boarder (I lived in the school hostel) and only went home to my family for the holidays.
On one of such holidays, a loud scream woke the entire neighborhood one early morning.
My mum and big cousin who lived with us at that time rushed out with some other people in the direction of the scream.
They came back with a story that sounded both confusing and unbelievable.
The loud cry was from a woman—a mother of four children whose husband had just left.
She said that her husband had not come home the previous night, which was not unusual for him as the nature of his work required him to spend some nights outside his home.
She couldn’t reach him on the phone all through the night but didn’t think much of it.
Early the next morning, she received a text message from his phone number saying that he had left her for good.
He told her not to bother looking for him because she wouldn’t find him.
He then asked her to take good care of their kids.
When she tried calling his number, it was switched off.
At that point, the reality of her situation dawned on her, and she started screaming.
According to my mum, one thing she kept repeating when sympathizers surrounded her was that she saw the signs that he may be planning to leave.
Well, after some years, I randomly remembered the woman and asked my mum about her.
She resigned to her fate and worked hard to train her children.
I was really curious to know what signs the woman saw before her husband left, so I asked my mum if she had heard anything.
Of course, gossip and petty talk always fly around the neighborhood, and she got a good dose, enough to satisfy my curiosity.
I’m going to be sharing the signs she told me in this article.
Everyone who has ever left their marriage had an exit plan before making a move.
Even having no plan is a plan on its own.
You might have a happy marriage or not, but your instincts hardly ever lie.
If it tells you that your husband may be planning to leave, you should best believe it.
But then, how will you be sure that your instincts are in line with reality?
If you stick around and read till the end, you’ll get the answers you seek.
Without further ado, let’s get to it.
If Your Husband Starts Doing These 10 Things, He May Be Planning To Leave
1. Breakdown of communication
Communication is one of the bedrock of every relationship, and its success depends on the commitment of the individuals involved.
If one party pulls away, the relationship will suffer and eventually hit a brick wall if nothing is done to salvage the situation.
Your husband might have plans to leave you if he stops communicating with you.
He doesn’t want to have small talk with you, share his feelings, or have serious conversations.
He has stopped bringing up conversations, and when you do, he shuts you down with excuses like he’s tired and wants to rest or provides you with one-word replies.
It’s common knowledge that if you starve communication, the feelings will likely fade.
He’s probably privy to this information and is using it to detach from you until he’s fully ready to leave.
2. Decline in emotional connection
As years pass, physical attraction is likely to fade away.
At that time, emotional connection was one of the key ingredients that held a marriage together and ensured its success.
However, when the emotional connection starts declining, it can be a signal of impending trouble in the relationship.
At first, you might not notice that there’s a negative shift in your emotional connection with your husband.
But if you’re sensitive, aware, and observant enough, you’ll notice that there’s an emotional disconnection between both of you.
You’ll find that you’ve stopped looking forward to and creating space for spending quality time with your spouse.
Also, you no longer share your feelings with them and communicate in intimate ways other than talking.
If you’re sensing resistance from your husband without any good reason while you’re championing strengthening the emotional connection again, he might be using the emotional disconnection as one of his exit plans.
3. Starts avoiding you
Another sign that your husband may be planning to leave is that he starts avoiding you.
You’ll notice that he suddenly starts spending most of his time away from home.
These days, he’s always looking for reasons and bringing up excuses to be away from home.
If he’s not at work, he’s hanging out with friends.
Also, if he must stay at home, he’ll try to see if you have anywhere to go to, just so that he won’t have to spend time with you.
He’ll be the happiest person whenever you’re going out and he’s staying at home.
He doesn’t feel that there’s much bond left between both of you.
Besides, he’s leaving soon, so there’s no need to try to bond and create memories with you.
4. Your sex life is almost non-existent
The importance of physical connection and attraction cannot be overemphasized in a marriage.
Sex is one of the essential things that help keep the marriage running.
It might not be the most important ingredient in a marriage, but it is very important.
One of the indications that a man may be planning to leave his wife is his withdrawal from engaging in sexual activities with her.
It’ll be very surprising, considering the fact that except for certain reasons, MOST married men hardly ever decline having sex with their wives.
So, you see?
There’s nothing normal about him turning you down severally for no reason.
His action only points out that he’s no longer attracted to and interested in you.
Such a person might have one foot out the door already.
He might just be waiting for the perfect time to make his move.
5. Starts keeping secrets
If your husband suddenly starts keeping secrets in your marriage, it’s a sign that something is wrong with your marriage.
He might change the passwords of his phone and laptop from the ones you’re familiar with to new ones.
You might notice that he starts stepping outside to take his calls or will not take them at all if you’re within earshot.
He can press his phone or laptop, and when you come into the room, he hides the screen from your view.
He might start going out without telling you his destination, and if you ask him, he’ll either wave it off or give an answer that’s not specific.
He can also resort to sneaking out when you’re asleep to avoid your numerous questions about his whereabouts.
All these are signs that he has something to hide, and it may be that he’s planning to leave.
6. Stops talking about and planning for a future together
A married couple who have nothing to hide from each other will always talk about their future together and be excited about it.
They don’t hesitate to consult each other when trying to decide what’s best for the family.
For instance, they talk about going on vacation with the kids, making plans to move to a better country, and jointly deciding which job offer or business opportunity is more suitable and in line with their plans for the future.
However, one of the signs that a man may be planning to leave his wife is that he stops planning for the future with his wife.
He might even stop sharing his future plans with her, and when he does, she’ll notice that it’s all about himself.
He’s already picturing his life without her.
It is what it is.
7. Is having an affair
About three years ago, a popular Nigerian actor left his wife and kids to get married to his long-term mistress.
He had been in the affair for years, and it seemed his wife was in the know.
However, he made the decision to leave his wife for his mistress three years ago and carried it out.
Leaving a marriage is never easy, no matter how you want to view it.
It becomes harder when the couple have been together for so long and probably have children together.
If the man is already fed up with his wife and the marriage, he might resort to having an affair.
Subsequently, the affair may be the push or motivation he needs to take the bold step to leave the marriage.
8. Stops showing interest in your affairs
If your husband is no longer interested in things that concern you, it shows that all is not well with your marriage.
For instance, he stops visiting your family and talking with them over the phone.
He stops asking after your well-being and doesn’t care about anything that’s going on with you.
He makes excuses not to attend family functions or events that have your mutual friends in attendance.
He’s slowly detaching himself from everything that concerns you because he plans to leave the marriage.
9. Criticizes you often
There’s nothing wrong with being criticized constructively once in a while.
It’s a healthy type of criticism, where the critic has your best interest at heart and wants you to improve.
On the other hand, toxic criticism comes with every action you take and is aimed at tearing you down and consequently causing you to question your sense of self.
If you experience destructive criticism, you’ll be so afraid and believe that you’re not good.
You’ll get that it is aimed at tearing you down and consequently causes at anything because no matter what you do and how well you do it.
Instead of praises or a pat on the back, all you’ll get is a thorough tongue lash about how you know nothing, aren’t good at whatever you do, and will never be good enough.
First of all, I don’t think that a husband who puts his wife through this sort of torture ever truly loved her.
He might have married her for a different reason other than love, just saying.
He now views her and the marriage from a bad lens, which makes him treat her poorly and criticize her often.
10. He stops expressing his love for you
There are different ways different people express love to their loved ones.
Some people might say ‘I love you’ to their significant other daily or several times in a day.
Others can send multiple text messages or call their spouse to check up on them during the day.
It can also be buying gifts, spending quality time with them, or helping them out with chores and other tasks.
You know your husband well enough and are aware of how he expresses his love to you.
If he has stopped doing those things for some time now, it can be a sign that he’s no longer interested in you.