I know a woman who talked about the things her ex-husband used to do, which she overlooked.
According to her, those attitudes were there right from the relationship stage.
She didn’t pay much attention to them and felt that he’d change when they got married.
How wrong she was!
When they got married, the traits only got worse and contributed greatly to their divorce.
It’s important for you to know that people hardly change for the sake of other people.
They only change when they see the need to, and they’re intentional about it.
Also, marriage doesn’t change anyone.
Whatever one has been doing before marriage will only be magnified after marriage.
This piece is dedicated specially to you, dear woman.
There are things your husband does that you shouldn’t ignore.
If you let it continue, it’ll only get worse.
What are these things?
Let’s discuss them below.
If Your Husband Does These 6 Things, Don’t Ignore It
1. Gaslights you
One of the things you should never ignore from your husband is his gaslighting you.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves thorough manipulation.
The victim will be made to think that they’re imagining things—things that are actually real, but the gaslighter is making them feel like it’s a figment of their imagination.
Anyone who has experienced gaslighting will tell you that they doubted themselves and everything they believe in at some point.
That’s how serious the manipulation is.
Whether someone did anything wrong or not, a gaslighter will make them feel guilty, and they’ll end up apologizing for something they likely didn’t do.
A good example is when a woman catches her husband cheating red-handed.
Instead of owning up to his actions and apologizing, a gaslighter will turn around and put the blame on his wife.
He’ll accuse her of not having time for him, not keeping herself neat, always being engrossed in her work, and other excuses.
He’ll say that he cheated because of her behavior towards him.
In the end, she’ll feel guilty for her husband cheating on her.
She’ll end up apologizing for not being enough, and for ‘pushing’ him to cheat.
How pathetic!
2. Being too controlling
Being too controlling is a toxic trait in any relationship.
When a husband wants to control every aspect of his wife’s life, from where she goes, who she interacts with, what she believes in, to the decisions she makes, it is in no way for her good.
If she tries to challenge him, he’ll probably defend himself by saying that he just wants what’s best for her.
But that’s not true.
Over-controlling behavior rears its head when the controller wants the controlled to do their bidding.
Every controller just wants their will to be done by the other person.
They don’t care about the implications or what the other person truly wants.
Being too controlling is not part of what an ideal relationship should be like.
In every healthy relationship, compromise, understanding, and a freedom to choose and make decisions is enjoyed by the partners.
Both partners are mature enough to understand that everyone is different, has personal preferences and needs, and respects that.
Giving room for one’s spouse to be their true self is healthy, but trying to control their life is a red flag.
3. Abuses you in any way
Abuse of any type is one of the things a woman should never ignore when her husband does it.
There are different types of abuse: physical, verbal, mental, financial, and emotional.
Although physical abuse is the easiest to detect, the other types of abuse are equally as degrading and damaging as physical abuse when not checked on time.
For instance, a man who is the total breadwinner of the family keeping away money needed to run the home from his wife because they had a fight.
Another example is that a husband resorts to hurling insults at and calling his wife unprintable names over little mistakes or issues.
In these instances, if the woman chooses to ignore and doesn’t speak up, she’ll start being afraid of her husband and walking on eggshells around him.
If you ask her, she’ll say that she doesn’t want to trigger his anger, which will make him abuse her.
A woman who is having such a horrible experience at the hands of her husband will begin to think that she’s not good enough, and it’ll deal a huge blow to her self-esteem.
Sadly, that man doesn’t need her to do anything wrong before he abuses her.
It’s in him, and can only be put in check when the woman confronts him or speaks up to other well-meaning people about it.
4. Has anger issues
If your husband has anger issues and doesn’t know how to manage his anger, it’s one of the things you shouldn’t ignore.
Anyone who has issues with anger management is a ticking time bomb.
The wife of the man in question will mostly feel unsafe whenever they’re embroiled in any conflict because she doesn’t know what to expect.
But that’s not the way it should be in a healthy relationship.
People should ideally feel safe and not be afraid to sit with their partners and resolve any conflicts between them.
If a man takes pride in having issues with anger management and dangles it over his wife as a threat to keep her in check, he’s a walking red flag.
5. Absence of trust or respect
One of the things you should never ignore in your marriage is if your husband does not trust or respect you.
Trust is vital in every relationship and, more importantly, marriage.
I know that trust should be earned, but how can a person consciously tie the knots with someone whom they don’t trust?
It’s just like taking a gamble with their life.
The more painful part can be that the woman might have done her best to earn the trust of her husband yet, he chooses to distrust her.
Such behavior is a sign that there’s something wrong with the man.
Now, it’s crystal clear that it’s not the woman’s fault that her husband doesn’t trust her.
Trust and respect go hand in hand and are prerequisites for healthy relationships.
If your husband doesn’t trust or respect you, you shouldn’t take it sitting down.
6. Avoids conflict and its resolution
Some people think that by avoiding conflict, they are building a healthy and enviable relationship.
However, they are wrong and might just be living in the extension of the honeymoon phase of their relationship, where everything was perfect.
Conflicts are normal in every relationship, as two people will not always see eye to eye on every issue.
Their ability to come together and resolve the conflicts between them amicably is what makes the relationship healthy.
So, if your husband does not want to be entangled in any conflicts with you because he wants a peaceful home, it’s in itself a problem in the marriage.
When he keeps shying away from talking about problems, they won’t disappear or go away naturally.
They’ll only keep piling until it reaches an overflow and starts looking for an outlet.
By then, the anger and bitterness from months and perhaps years of unresolved conflicts will start showing as passive-aggressive behaviors and resentment.
You don’t want that for your marriage.
The best thing to do is to sit down with your husband and let him know the implications of avoiding conflicts and its resolution.
Encourage him to speak up when he feels mistreated or when he sees a potential problem.
Sometimes, you have to go through the storm before you have the calm.