Every relationship and marriage has its ups and downs.
You best bet that marriage is not a bed of roses – even roses have thorns.
It means that it’s not an entirely pleasant ride.
On some days, you feel a hostility towards your husband so strong that you’re shocked at its intensity.
On days like that, he may be loud, rude, and aggressive and behave in a manner you’ve never associated with him.
Perhaps it’s on one of such days that your husband tells you to shut up.
It might be while you’re in tears or during an argument.
But has it become frequent for your husband to tell you to shut up?
Do you want to know why he does that?
Read on to get the full details.
“Why Does My Husband Tell Me To Shut Up All The Time?”: 7 Reasons
1. He does not respect you
If your husband tells you to shut up all the time, he may not respect you anymore (that’s if he ever respected you to start with).
It mostly happens when he feels he’s seen you for all you’re worth.
This is the height of what Nigerians call “See Finish.”
He thinks you have nothing else to offer him or bring to the table in the marriage.
And that’s why he’s misbehaving, treating you without respect, and telling you to shut up at every opportunity.
Does this make sense to you?
It’ll be best to ask him directly what’s happening with him and what he hopes to achieve with such behavior.
A man who respects you won’t shout and talk you down.
2. He is pompous
Your husband probably tells you to shut up all the time because he is pompous.
He has always been arrogant; you were just too carried away by the love you have for him to notice it at the early stages of the relationship.
Or perhaps he did a great job hiding it from you during courtship.
Now that you’re married, he’s gradually peeling off his layers like an onion bulb and revealing his arrogance.
You have absolutely no reason, not even love, to keep tolerating hurtful words from an aggressive husband.
He can soften a bit for the sake of your love.
But his constant use of harsh words will drain you of love eventually.
And he’ll return to being his original arrogant self because you have no more love to use as ransom.
3. He lacks patience
Your husband gets impatient easily, and you’re the patient one in the marriage.
Maybe you’ve been too patient with him all this while to pay mind to his harsh words.
You now see a pattern and realize that it has been happening for a long time.
You want to end it, as you don’t want it to continue any longer.
This is particularly the case when people with opposite personalities get married.
For instance, you may be the introverted one in the relationship, whereas he is the vocal one.
Whenever you try to speak, he shuts you up immediately, and you concede and crawl back into your silent shell.
This won’t solve the issue at all.
I think you need to speak up and insist on being treated with respect, as he may be oblivious to the effect of his harsh words.
4. He is rude
Your husband tells you to shut up all the time because he lacks manners and is outrightly rude.
He derives pleasure from being rude to others because it fuels and satisfies his ego.
All along, he has been keeping his bad behavior under wraps.
But now that he feels you’re bound to him by marriage, he doesn’t see the need to keep up with the pretense anymore.
He’ll return to his rude nature and may even throw abuse into the mix.
You need to be very careful when dealing with this type of man.
Let a close friend or family member know what’s going on.
And if you feel that his behavior is getting out of hand, you can inform your family and separate yourself from him until the issue is sorted amicably.
5. He wants to dominate you
Your husband tells you to shut up all the time, probably because he wants to dominate you.
He wants you to be totally subjugated.
Maybe he has no evil intentions.
It’s just that being rude and seeing you cower gives him pleasure.
It could be an ideology he bought into due to his upbringing and religious or cultural beliefs.
Some men believe that women should never speak and are suitable for nothing but making babies and tending to the family.
Some who act in such a way are narcissists who believe they are better than women and seek to always assert over their wives.
If your husband shares such ideologies, then that explains why he tells you to shut up all the time.
You need to decide whether you want to put up with his verbal and emotional abuse.
6. You’re a talkative
If you usually talk too much, your husband may get annoyed sometimes and snap at you.
Your talkativeness might be the reason he tells you to shut up.
And it mostly happens when he has a long day or is not in a good mood.
You have to be observant and read the room whenever you see your husband after being apart for some hours or even days.
By merely looking at him, you’ll know when he’s swamped and has had a long or bad day.
It’ll be best to go easy on him with your comments and questions on such days.
Save them for another day.
However, that doesn’t excuse his verbal abuse either – his temper is his to deal with.
He needs to learn self-control and not lash out every time.
7. He feels that you’re dishonest
Another reason your husband tells you to shut up all the time is that he feels you are not honest with him.
He thinks that you always make up answers for every question he asks you.
It’s a deep-seated feeling within him.
It is possible he has caught you in a lie or two, affecting the foundation of trust in your relationship.
Have you been dishonest with him?
It’s time to change your ways.
Not only will it backfire someday, but it can also make him lose trust in the relationship and start resenting you.
Please be honest with him, trust is never built on the foundation of lies.
“Why Does My Husband Tell Me To Shut Up All The Time?” – 5 Things To Do
1. Understand the situation
If your husband tells you to shut up all the time, you must try to understand why he behaves in such a manner.
Has he always acted that way?
Or did something cause the sudden behavior?
Try to get to the root of the problem.
This is the beginning of getting your relationship back on track.
2. Observe his behavior with other people
It’ll help if you watch his behavior with other people.
Does he act aggressively towards them?
Or does that behavior come out only when he’s dealing with you?
Whichever is the case, you need to have a heartfelt discussion with him about his behavior to help you know where it’s coming from and how you can help him.
3. Be polite to him
No matter how rude and harsh your husband is to you, please resist the urge to be rude to him in return.
It’ll only worsen the situation and even spiral it out of control.
Instead, be loving, understanding, and polite to him.
It won’t help if your behavior mirrors his lousy behavior.
There’ll be no difference between the two of you.
If he gets aggressive, please leave to live; you can come back together if you so desire after things have been sorted.
4. Work on being a good listener
If the problem comes from your talkativeness, then it means that you’re not a good listener.
It’s rare for one person to be a good talker and listener.
What you can do is to improve your listening skills anyway.
Firstly, learn not to interrupt someone when they are speaking.
Rather than listen to gather loopholes from their speech to reply with, listen to understand their point of view.
Then, if someone is letting you in on their opinion, it’ll be best for you not to reply to them immediately.
Wait a bit to see if they’ve exhausted what’s on their mind before speaking.
And when you speak, do not oppose their opinions.
Learn to respect people’s views, even if they’re wrong.
You can always make your opinions known in the form of suggestions.
5. Encourage him to see a therapist
If your husband’s issue stems from unhealed trauma from his past or resentment, he needs to seek therapy.
No amount of listening can help fix what’s broken within if the root cause isn’t dealt with.
You can support him through the process by being patient and encouraging, but he needs to get professional help.
Conclusion
If your husband tells you to shut up all the time, you have now seen some of the reasons for his actions.
Whether he feels aggravated to do so or not, he must take responsibility for his actions.
It is wrong to disrespect the people we claim to love.
Remember to prioritize effective communication, respect and patience so that both of you can deal with issues and get back on track.
Good luck!