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Why Men Have Emotional Affairs – 8 Reasons

Why Men Have Emotional Affairs – 8 Reasons

Emotional affairs are just as bad as the physical ones.

Every type of extramarital affair is bad.

No one is worse or better than the other.

There is no middle ground when it comes to this kind of issue.

It’s either you’re doing good, or you’re on the wrong side.

With that being said, anyone can engage in an emotional affair – both men and women.

However, what will make anyone indulge in this type of affair?

For the sake of this article, we’ll be fixated on why men have emotional affairs.

Reading about these reasons will give you a better understanding of the underlying issues that should be addressed before things get out of hand.

Let’s get started!

8 Reasons Why Men Have Emotional Affairs

1. There is no emotional connection in their marriage

Why men have emotional affairs
The absence of an emotional connection between a man and his wife can lead him to have an emotional affair.

From childhood, society has misled men not to show emotions – cry, speak up, rant, or vent.

They’ve been taught to take it all in with bravery and courage.

They were told that speaking up, crying, or showing emotion made them less of a man.

‘Be a man’ automatically translates to being strong, brave, and courageous.

Unfortunately, the societal construct didn’t take into cognizance that there are inborn emotions in every human, and from time to time, these emotions need to be expressed.

Now, this man gets a partner and wants to be open and vulnerable with her.

He wants her to understand him whenever he expresses his feelings.

Perhaps he’s not conveying his emotions enough or in the best way that he should be understood.

You don’t have to blame him because he has been learning how to suppress his feelings all his life.

Or it might be that his wife just doesn’t want to understand him.

She may be among those with the school of thought that men should not show any emotions.

Whichever the case, if the man is not getting the emotional intimacy he craves from his wife, and another lady offers him that which he craves, he’ll grab it with both hands.


An emotional affair is birthed.

2. For support and companionship

Why men have emotional affairs
One of the main reasons why people get married is for support and companionship.

If, for some reason, a man still feels unsupported, unloved, and lonely even while in marriage, it can make him resort to having an emotional affair.

He’ll seek someone who can offer him the support and companionship he needs outside his marriage.

Someone who gets him.

When he finds her, he’ll stop at nothing to have an emotional affair with her.

3. As an escape from their relationship problems

Why men have emotional affairs
Some men get into emotional affairs because they see it as an escape from whatever problems or issues they may be facing in their marriages.

They are well aware that the best thing they should do is face these issues head-on, address them, get them out of the way, and move on happily with their marriages.

But, no.

They choose to go around in circles, ignoring the issues.

The thing about having an emotional affair in this situation is that it won’t take out the problem from its root.

In this case, the emotional affair is a temporary distraction from the problem.

4. They’re drawn to the excitement that comes with it

Why men have emotional affairs
One of the reasons why men have emotional affairs is that they’re drawn to the excitement that comes with it.

They’re thrilled by the idea of going after another woman who is not their wife – someone else who catches their attention.

It makes them feel giddy with excitement.

It takes them back to the good old days when they were younger and were going after their crushes, professing love to them.

Also, being in an affair has a thrill it brings.

There’s an unexplainable excitement some people feel when they go the extra-marital affair route. 

They’re excited about not getting caught.

In addition, the fact that they’re still able to get the attention of another woman and get her interested in them after years of being married gives them a good feeling.

It feels refreshing to know that someone other than their wife still finds them attractive despite being slightly advanced in age.

It makes them feel important and desired.

5. It helps to boost their self-esteem

Why men have emotional affairs
For some men, engaging in emotional affairs helps to boost their self-esteem.

As I mentioned in point 4 above, they feel good knowing that someone other than their wife still finds them attractive despite the adjustments in their appearances and being slightly advanced in age.

The factors mentioned above can give rise to low self-esteem in these men, but being able to get another woman’s attention increases their self-esteem.

Also, the flattery, attention, and compliments they receive from their affair partner will make them feel better about themselves and boost their self-esteem.

6. They’re bored of the routine life that marriage offers

Why men have emotional affairs
Truth be told, you can get bored in your marriage if you’re not switching things up and engaging in exciting activities that’ll keep you interested in your partner and marriage.

One of the reasons why men have emotional affairs is that they’re bored with the routine life that they’ve been living since they got married.

This is especially true if they’ve been married for long.

Marriage needs a routine (that can turn monotonous and boring) to work perfectly and avoid clashes and confusion.

However, after being in a marriage for years, they might get tired of the monotonous routine.

They’ll start craving something new and exciting that they can get outside their marriage.

With emotional affairs, they have access to the adventures, fun, freshness, and excitement that they feel has slowly faded from their marriage.

7. Deficiency in communication in their marriage

Why men have emotional affairs
Sometimes, there may be a deficiency in communication in their marriage.

When this happens, both parties can feel it.

The communication gap will be too glaring to ignore.

Now, I’m not talking about the amount of words spoken but the quality and depth they carry.

If there’s a problem in communication in a marriage, the emotional connection also suffers a hit.

I won’t know the dynamics of the marriage – if both parties tried to bridge the gap in communication or simply chose to do nothing about it.

But a man may seek someone else with whom he’ll have quality communication outside his marriage.

8. They don’t feel appreciated in their marriage

Why men have emotional affairs
If a man feels underappreciated or unappreciated in his marriage, it can encourage him to indulge in an emotional affair.

No one wants to be unappreciated or under-appreciated for their efforts.

The same goes for a man in a marriage who is doing his best to provide for his family.

If he feels that his family does not value and appreciate his efforts, he might get into an emotional entanglement where he’s being complimented, praised, and appreciated for every effort he makes.

It’ll interest you to know that appreciation is a strong binding force in every relationship.

Appreciating someone will make them feel valued and spur them to do more.

No one has ever walked away from where they’re appreciated.

That’s how powerful appreciation is.

The absence of appreciation will make a man look for it elsewhere, even if it’s at the detriment of their marriage.


There’s no justification for having an emotional affair while you’re still married.

Try to resolve the issues plaguing your marriage so that you’ll make it work and enjoy it to the fullest.

A professional counselor can help both of you navigate the issues.

However, if the problems are beyond redemption, you can opt out of the marriage.

What’s the essence of being married and still having an affair?

You can’t have the best of both worlds.